Ezra, the struggle that you’ve been going through the past few days reminds me of an allegory. The allegory I am about to relate, I’m sure you can use to find the positive light in your constant and continuous battle with your y”h.
In an arm wrestle a person exerts a fair amount of energy in relation to his opponent. If his opponent is weak, winning doesn’t take much. When arm-wrestling someone who is weaker than him, naturally the muscles in his arm don’t work as hard - but he can even win in a relaxed state. If the opponent is strong on the other hand, obviously he'll need to exert an additional amount of strength in the match. If he remains relaxed, he can’t win.
If our opponent wants to outsmart us, he can loosen up the muscles in his arm for a brief moment, only to quickly resume the original amount of tension before we have a chance to exert the strength needed to win. This is a mind trick which is taught in Neuro Linguistic Programing, and can deceptively be used to win an arm-wrestling challenge with someone who is even much stronger.
It’s the imbalances and inconsistencies that make our challenges so hard. One day we’re fighting a powerful y”h, and the next day he’s gone, or so we think. The moment that we don’t feel the fight anymore, that is when he’s got us exactly where he wants. This is when he returns with all force, and slams us. By using this trick we can easily be deceived. It’s your continuous battle, always knowing that he’s there that makes you victorious each time. The constant fight that your y”h is putting up always lets you know that he is still there. It’s with these small victories that yo
ur y”h is truly weakened.
You’re doing a great job at not letting the y”h win! Keep that muscle strong, to 90 and on!
I wish you a mazal tov on reaching a 70-day count and on the birth of your son! A simcha of yours is a simcha of mine!
2B
