Hi Elyah! It's nice to hear from you again. Sorry to hear about your falls. It is somtimes harder to maintain sobriety than to acheive it in the first place. I know I battle complacency all the time. It is really hard to stay motivated and not slack off.

Thanks for the reminder, and for checking in.

Today is really not going my way. Totally stressed out and tempted to stay home the rest of this afternoon and get some work done instead of make the huge schlep to a meeting.

Despite all that, I'll probably go anyways.

--Elyah

Sounds like a good idea, go for it!!

It's certainly a worth while investment, although that doesn't necessarily make the trouble any easier.

KOT brother!!!

dear eye. i'm cheering you on. holding 15 days. lets do it
your friend lavi

YES lavi and Elya
Keep up the GR8 work!!!!

Thanks for all the encouragement there.

Went to the meeting.

Since then, I had this great idea that contacting this girl that I knew in nursery school would be great for my recovery. The thing is, she disappeared in kindergarten--their family moved away but I didn't know that--I was just wondering why she wasn't in my kindergarten. I remember walking through the school looking in the other class to see if she was there, but she wasn't.

I have this funny feeling that this incident was sort of like a primordial experience that gave rise to all future lust experiences--that desperate looking and searching to find someone or something that seems to be missing.


This idea took hold in my brain and was growing stronger by the day. Luckily I gave my sponsor a call and he got me grounded in reality again. It took a little while but the idea did sink in that, no matter how much I believed this was a good thing to do, it most probably really isn't.

Still clean, day 8.

--Elyah

It's incredible what we can convnice ourselves of without someone to ground us. On our own, we can (and often do ) think the dumbest things.

I agree i am sorta a private guy and have discovered in the last couple years that telling others of the struggle helps a lot. There is a certain freedom that comes from that . I am trying to be more active on gye but site to me is sorta difficult to navigate ( gives me sominthin else to think about LOL

Still clean, 14 days.

Yesterday started off feeling really overwhelmed, feeling like I was up against a lot of big problems.

After speaking to another friend in recovery, I realized that all I can do is take the next little action. I want to take a big action to make the whole problem go away, but I can only take the next little action which is my part in the big scheme of things. Also, I realized of all the things I am facing, one was a particularly high priority. So I focused on that and felt calmer knowing that the other things can wait 'til later.

--Elyah

Hi Elya,

Just checked in after a long time. Good to see your thread is still alive.

Thank you for sharing and your honesty.

Just to share if I may, this morning at work something went wrong. I realized i had forgotten to take care of something and immediately felt guilty and blamed myself for what had happened. I went into a panic. I called a couple of friends. I could not get through but the action was enough to help me pray to HaShem.

After that I had the presence of mind to deal with the issue rationally and it turned out that what had happened had no connection with what I had forgotten.

Just a reminder that that my emotional reactions are totally disproportionate to reality.

May HaShem grant us a day of sobriety, sanity and serenity.

Chesky

Why did you fall, can u write

15 days. Still clean.

Eye.nonymous wrote:


Congratulations! Fifteen is a good number. Hashem's name Yu"d - He"y adds up to fifteen. Our sages say that this name was aded to all the tribes in Egypt to signify that they were free from all forms of lust. May it be so for you too, and for all of us as well.

Hatzlacha

MT

24 days clean.

I've been feeling really lousy lately. I thought maybe I was just run down and needed more rest, and that perhaps the change of weather had something to do with it. "What's wrong with me! I can't get enough rest!" After taking it relatively easy for a couple of days and still feeling awful, I realized I was just sick with something. I still felt sick but in a way felt better--all the self-pity disappeared. I went to the doctor to test myself for strep, which I didn't have (but it is rare that I ever go to the doctor, so that was a big step in taking care of myself). So hopefully it is just a virus of some kind and should pass soon.

On another note, I am in Israel and the sirens went off last night in my neighborhood for the first time I've lived here--which is 13 years, and probably as many wars. We also woke up to a siren early this morning and our whole family had to go out to the stair well of our building. The danger of being in Israel and being under fire never quite registered with me until now. My wife is appreciative that I am handling it very calmly and maturely, which I don't think I would have been able to do a few years ago (I probably would have denied that we are in danger and would have blamed my wife for being too worried if she tried to do anything to ensure our family's safety).

--Elyah

Eye.nonymous

congrats on your 24 clean days I'm at 18 and hanging in there i don't know about 90 but hey i have made it this far and nothing bad has happened . I can't imagine having rockets flying around and being in constant state of fear( for lack of a better word) my prayers are with u I am safe in the states for time being but it could very well be here at some point
ewards