Thanks, Inspiring!

Thanks Elyah, getting better involves so much work, but when you actually do it, it's so rewarding you could kick yourself thinking why didn't I do this years ago.  Thanks again for the inspiration to get working. 

I saw this post a few days ago. It really is awesome so I am going to quote it for everyone to see again:

Eye.nonymous wrote on 31 Oct 2011 19:47:



The Big Book also points out that addicts have no friends, no life, no connections. The only time I saw someone cry in an SA meeting was when he was trying to say that quote from the Big Book and couldn't get the words out.

Actively seeking connections to people has been the single most helpful thing for me.

wow, that is sobering
thank you Elyah, BB and Gibbor

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 02 Dec 2011 15:48:

Thank you!  You're one of the special people!

gibbor120 wrote on 02 Dec 2011 15:56:

Thank you  :-[ : :o :D ;D
it takes one to know one

Our oldest son (10) has been misbehaving lately.  Every morning he had become hostile towards all his siblings, and chutzpa-dik towards my wife.  My wife and I were fretting what to do about this.  We had sent him to bed early one night because of this, but it didn't make a difference.

We were contemplating other punishments--early bedtime for a week?  Don't let him ride his bike for a week?  I thought I would try to get an answer from my Higher Power, something I'm trying to get more into the habit of doing.  I sat quietly for a few moments.  The bedtime punishment and the bike punishment didn't seem right.  I'm just trying to exert my will--to control my son, and this tactic, especially for addicts, ends up being self-destructive.

I thought of a book I had read about life-coaching not too long ago.  The premise was, the person being coached ALREADY HAS all the answers inside.  It is not the job of the coach to provide answers, but rather to help the person being coached to discover the answers for himself.  This approach struck me as something I could work with, as something that could be effective and also positive.

I went to the store and got some special treats before my son came home.  Then we sat down together, had this snack together, and shmoozed.  The conversation then went something like this:

ME:  Has anything been going wrong lately?

SON:  Yes--the mornings.

ME:  Has anyone been bothering you?

He then answered, with a little bit of guidance, to go through all his siblings.

ME:  What have they been doing?

He then went through the list, mentioning everything they have been doing that has bothered him.

ME:  Have you been doing something, too, that maybe you shouldn't be doing?

He mentioned his hitting, yelling, and with a little coaxing he also mentioned his chutzpa-dik behavior towards his mother.

ME:  Is there maybe some other way you could react when these people bother you?

I gave him a few ideas to get started--read a book, listen to some music, speak to them nicely to stop whatever they're doing that bothers him.  Then I encouraged him to come up with a few ideas of his own.

It was a positive experience for both of us, and a very mature discussion.  His behavior has dramatically improved since then.

I realized that, technically, in 12 step lingo, I had actually walked him through a 4th and 5th step.

--Elyah

...this stuff continues and grows, and gets more and more effective every year, iy"H.

Thanks for sharing what is starting to happen to your family.

That is truly amazing elyah. it highlights how our acting out spans out all around us and effects so many people, particularly our family.

an honest mouse wrote on 05 Dec 2011 11:09:

...and our recovery, too!

what a beautiful and inspiring post Elyah.

thank you for sharing that

This past Friday and Shabbos I was feeling not so good inside.  I happened to hop onto the Duvid Chaim call on Thursday, though I haven't been on in a long time.  He told someone who was having difficulties, "...when we get further along the program, I'll be telling you to take a 4th step inventory to deal with that."

Then, with all these negative feelings, I figured that's what I ought to be doing.

I'm weak on sharing these inventories with other people, but I made a point motzei Shabbos to make an inventory right away and share it with a fellow I know in the program.  It was very productive, and I felt I was in a much healthier place afterwards.

I told my wife what happened and she said, "I didn't notice anything was wrong."

On Sunday afternoon I was working on my computer and I thought I ran into another loop-hole in my filter.  At the time I wasn't tempted by it.  I know if I had not done the recovery work on motzei shabbos, I would have slipped or fallen.

Last night I had a dream that I was faced with temptation.  In the dream I was thinking, "If I go through with this, I'll lose my sobriety," and then I stopped.  I guess I can take that as a sign that this recovery stuff truly is affecting my insides.

--Elyah

GREAT! KOT!

Here's something I've been meaning to share:

About 3 weeks ago, on a Wednesday afternoon (you'll see why this is relevant soon) I took a trip to a government building on Rechov Yaffo.  They were supposed to be opened Monday and Wednesday afternoons, but according to their new hours (posted on their door but not on their Web Site), they are only open on Tuesday afternoons.  As a direct result of the 12-step workshop, I was particularly aware of my tendency "not to make the best of things."  I could have, after an hour and a half of travel, just turned around and went home--feeling that I had wasted the whole afternoon.  Instead, I thought, "I was going to be here for a couple of hours anyways.  I"m only a few minutes away from the Old City, by foot.  I might as well make the most of this and go to the Kotel."  I even got a little adventurous and went to King David's tomb--I have never gone there even though I have been living in Israel for nearly 17 years and I even spent a year living in the Old City.  I had no idea where it was.  I said Tehillim at David's tomb, then went to the Kotel for Ma'ariv and to say a few personal prayers, and then I came home.

I made the most out of it, and instead of coming home grumpy and complaining, I was happy and I had an adventure to share with my family.

This is part 1 of this story...

--Elyah