I don't understand your question from your wording.  ???

If you need to turn on the TV to put a filter on, do it with a friend there, or at least on the phone...

Talk to us, man!

day 18. today i choose that i want life. i want chai.
world, my question was that on one hand i need to put on a filter to make sure that there is a filter on it. on the other hand i feel that if i turn it on ill be pulled to take a peak. so should i do it now? or should i not do it now cus im scared that if i turn it on ill "need" to take a peak.
well, i dont even know how to put on the filter. hmm. thats an issue also.
shabbas was prety good.

with the tv filter...
try to figure out what the yh wants you to do...
then do the opposite.

if only it was that easy. sometimes a person doesnt know what the right thing is, a person can fall miserably thinking hes doing the right thing
day 19.

Can you explain to me in detail how you plan on setting up a filter on the tv and how it will help you?
There's no tv in my house, and I don't really understand how a tv filter works, so it's difficult to advise.

i found out how to work the parental control. except i need my parents to make a code.
i lost control, i watched assur things (twice, i feel really bad, yet i still want to continue to have the complete fall.
i started the action of having a fall but i keep controlling myself before the end. idk about tonight though. i really dont want to have a fall. its chanukah and rosh chodesh. im going to really try to control myself. but idk. i think today is 20. im going to keep trucking, even if what i did so far is considered a fall, i still need to continue. is what i did considered a fall?

The first rule on the list is intentional masturbation. I could be wrong, but I think that implies even without being mz"l.

If you really want to stay clean, and you know you'll be tested, so don't wait - make plans now. Get out for the evening, get a book from the library, sleep over at a friend's house, go learn in a nearby shul, etc.

What plans can you make to remove yourself from danger - in other words, your current situation, where you'd have to be powerful to stay clean?

To me, the idea of pwerlessness is that I can't put myself into a situation where Ill have to be powerful to succeed.

Could you dorm?

i forced myself to ask my mom to help with filter. she said the tv ppl are coming on monday to fix up the tv so she wants to wait.

dorming would be almost as bad as being at home.
silent, that is a very tough concept...an you NEED to keep mentioning it to me. its not always possible, cus most of the time its close to night, and i have to be home. most of the time, im upstairs and i just finally loose control and just come down and turn the tv on and watch it. its so annoying, i was doing so well, all the times ive been having falls ive been able to get right back up. but now that i have a tv i keep losing control. this is the 3rd night in a row i lost control of myself. i just want to smash the tv with a mallet. i guess, im at the beggining again, i guess i lost this one. tommorow is day one

So you usually feel the urge late at night?

What can you do to help yourself?

One important thing I learned when I started recovery is that we can learn from every situation we're in, whether we're happy with the way we handled it, or not. It offers a chance to examine our thought processes, our emotions, issues.

last night i had a complete fall.
silent, my problem is that  once i loose to my urge, i go from whatever i am doing to the fall. i could be busy doing something, but if i get the urge, if there is a way for me to have a fall, i go have a fall. buts it doesnt feel like me who does it, it feels like i am being controlled by something else....so when i am home, it is super super difficult and takes an enormous amount of energy to control myself. aspecially with my shemiras einayim.
to me this sounds like an adict.
btw, i think i that one of the groups starting next week fits my scheduale perfectly, i usually get home around 8 30ish, and i think it starts 9 30 my time.
good shabbas.

Again - what can you do to remove opportunities? For me, deleting an entire email account with all the information I had to contact people was very difficult - a complete burning of bridges. Difficult, but essential.

It's difficult because there are actions that we do that we know we can't turn back from. We know that doing this will cut us off, permanently, from certain opportunities.

It's essential for the same reason.

What bridges can you burn?

the only thing that i can think of is getting the filter on my parents tv, but that isnt so easy right now for different reasons. i already have a filter on my computer, but there is something i need to add to it. besdies for that, nothing else comes to my mind.

Ultimately, you have to find your own answers, and figure out what works for you. I can try throwing you some ideas, but the responsibility to figure out what works, and come up with brand-new ideas, if necessary, lies with you. Think outside the box, if you have to.

Do you have a partner you can call when things are tough?