just checking in once again. going into day 14 tommorow

great!
kutgw

kokot.
koecadw.

last night in bed i was hit with a massive urge attack. one that i was not ready for. it was massive. in the end i controlled myself.
my mind has been thinking about a lot of different things (not assur) lately so i havnt had time to post about shabbas.
on shabbas there was an ncsy convention that partly took place in my shul. and a bunch of girls i used to talk to were there. on my way out of shul i was walking out and all of a suddon i almost walked into a girl i didnt but it happened to be a girl i used to be very very attached to. we made eye contact for a second, (the longest second ive ever experienced, and i mumbled good shabbas and tried to get away, as i was trying to get away quickly i almost walked into another girl, i couldnt tell exactly who it was, but i saw a lot of other girls that i was very atached to also.
over shabbas, every time i walked outside (which a couple times on friday night- it was le'tzorech- and a couple times during the day) at night i was hopeing that i would bump into them since it was night and no1 would really notice me talking to them (my self-concience is enough to get me not to talk to them in public) and i was hoping the always see them.    baruch hashem, i didnt see them anymore! but now, a lot of memories  are coming back to me, not memories that an addict should have. now im trucking at a higher speed and getting my wheels checked so i dont get a flat tire.

Papap papapap papappa papa paaapp

KOT!!!

kot
koecadw
kokot
it's not easy.
we know.
hard work pays off.
you know.
Tricky times earn more points.
more points buy extra special tire upgrades.
kot.

Sounds like you did well.

Think of shabbos as an opportunity. Every time we're faced with a challenge, whether we respond well or not, we have the chance to examine what we did, how we reacted, and why - and also, how we felt. This gives us valuable knowledge that can help us grow and improve our recovery.

great work HS!
massive urges, surreptitious glances, hoping no one will see, been there done that
what counts is what you do afterward, do you go on a falling binge or do you get up and return a few punches?
remember combat pay is much higher than regular pay.
keep up your good work!
zs

SHKOYACH!

thank you!....good chizzuk after a long day!
nothing big today. usually the big stuff only happens from friday till sunday. but quiet is also good!.....just going from dya to day.

Use the quiet time to grow, and prepare, so that you're further along in recovery when tests arrive. Recovery isn't something we only work on in the face of temptation (whether you're doing 12 steps, or mussar, or anything in between).

chanukah! my favorite yom tov! (not because of presents, i dont get any) feel the kedusha from the menorah!
i think today is 16

There's also kedusha in tefillin.
We have it six days a week.

There are definitely times when we find it easier to feel kedusha - or at least, when we feel moved emotionally.

At those moments, we have two options - we can either enjoy the feeling, or use it.

yes yes. thats true.
ok, we just got new cable company (arg!!!!!!!!! adds a  lot of agravation!)  basically i need to get a new parental filter. but im scared that if i turn on the tv now ill have a fall and that i wont be able to control myself.oy what should i do? should i take the shot now? or should i leave it? i guess ill never really really be ready to do it. what should i do?