ya. im happy that i deleted it. i dont regret doing it. but now im wishing that i could talk to her. obviously it is my yetzer harah trying to get me to think about it.
AHA i just figured out the plan of the yetzer harah! me dleting her text was part of his plan! he wanted me to have a fight to delete the text (if i would have responded he wouldnt be sad, he could go either way) and now that he got me to already start to have a hard time, now he wants me to continue to feel bad for doing it, that way, by tonight when everyone is here i would have already been wishing for a couple hours that i could talk to the girl, i would be weak and i woudnt be able to control my eyes.        did everyone follow along? now my goal isnt to weaken myself by wishing i didnt delete it, now is the time to strengthen myself by saying, hashem helped me delete a text from a girl that i could have gotten a lot from (gotten a lot of impurity and you all know) but now that hashem deleted the text, now im confident that hashem will save me tonight also!!!!!

by the way....day 10

HashemsSoldier wrote on 25 Nov 2010 19:42:

Strange there's no automated congratulations message for reaching day 10 because, as we know, it's a very significant number in the Torah.

ok. dinner is done. i was able to control my eyes for some of the time. closer to the end i started trying to mumble a teffilah to hashem. i put my hand in front of my mouth and talked to hashem. and i was able to continue.
now i have an image of one of the girls in my head and this specific one triggers me for various reasons...im trying to fight but its hard!

Can you surrender to H'?

First of all, congratulations on deleting the text, and doing well during dinner.

As always, I recommend focusing on the success, and feeling good about it. There were times when I ignored people's attempts to contact me that made me feel really rotten (I've written about this before, you can PM me if you want specific details, not really triggering), but along with that rotten feeling was also a deep knowledge that I had done something right, something good, something beautiful - something that brought me closer to the real me.

And you've done that - so feel very, very good about that!

you are so amazing!

Shkoiach. We all knew you could do it (survive the turkey dinner).

As to that one girl stuck in a part of your head, there are lots of standard eitzas. None of them really work for me. Except maybe the one about 'imagine that girl covered in and singing off-key (my soft spot) and talking like an unschooled idiot.' Or something like that. So then, whenever the pretty image of her appears, I can replace that image with the other one.

It isn't the same as really getting it OUT of my mind, so it's still giving the image a little control over me that's not appropriate, but it's a start.  For what it's worth....

thank you. i was able to control myself. i turned on music. and i read the book that gye sent out....light of efraim. and then baruch hashem i fell asleep. im trying to put my emfases on the feeling that i DID control myself in a lot of the tests.
lso feeling accomplished with how my learning is improving little by little every day!
day 11.
good shabbas

HS
you are doing awesome!
great idea - to focus on the victories, and great to hear about your learning
soldier on,
have a great shabbos
zs

keep on rocking!

day 13......
i dont have much to say. my mind has been busy with other (kosher) things lately. i start school tommorow after this whole extended weekend.

Glad to hear!

Briut wrote on 26 Nov 2010 15:40:

You mean, imagine she's actually the mother of your children?

Eye.nonymous wrote on 28 Nov 2010 20:31:
Ouch! My Eye.! Do you know how many potential shidduchim you might have ruined with that one line, Eye.?

Of course, it's true that my own wife can't sing on key....