idk whats wrong. i seem to be in a rut since my last post (when i checked in).
i just dont want to do anything. even typeing this message is a big push. i guess it is what we call timtum haleiv. i dont want to do anything. i want to just sit and do nothing. thats not true, i think im feeling lonely again, (more than usual) idk what to say cus idk what is wrong. when we have a bunch of different things we worry about or have to do, we get anxioty and get worried and that gets us frustrated, but it seems that lately im tired of worrying or dealing with it (even though a lot of it is stuff i do need to deal with/do) and i just dont want to do anything. a lot of pressure is building up.
idk if what i just said has to do with anything, honestly, thats just the first thing that came to my mind so i decided to type it.
i dont want to do anything to the fact that i dont even want to look at p*** (which is just probably what i feel now, it will probably hit me later) but its not worth it, just because i have this dullness in me porn will help? no no no, it wont help. i dont know what else to say, there must be some anxioity in me cus i keep biting my nails/ skin around my nails which i do when im anxious (and i keep trying to type anxiety and i keep getting the red scwiggly under it telling me i spelled it wrong o nevermind! i just spelled it right by accident, yay, the first thing in a while that worked out!)
anyways, idk what else to say, i cant really really describe it, cus i myself dont really know how im feeling.

What you're describing, in combination with the fact that you are usually energetic....
leads me to believe that you are probably suffering from a syndrome known as fatigue.

tiredness, sleepy, not in the mood to do anything...  even nap.

Your body may be too behind in sleep.  Try taking some heavy napping in bed when you feel this way.  Even in the middle of the day.  When you get up from your nap you just may feel like a new person.

thank you dr W
im weak,  i had a slip today with my eyes....a true addict is one who tries going to the website KNOWING it is blocked and tries to go to it still.
im home alone, still no filter, i want to have a fall.
i am taking a shvuah that for the next 20 min from the time i send this post, i will not turn on the tv or go looking for shmutz without first reaching out to someone on the forum that i have contact through texting.
hashem i admit that i am powerless and that i am dealing with a force and a desire which is above human nature, it controls human nature. hashem, i recognize all of this, and i know that without you i have no chance, its your fight that you put in my hands, and the only way for me to win the fight is with you help, hashem please help me get out of this situation, and help me complete this night without EVEN a slip and kol shecain a fall. your proud servent, hashems soldier

ok 20 min are up. what have i been doing? ive been lusting after kedusha. listening to some yosef karduner.im ein ani li, mi li??? think about it. this thought has to be on the top of every addicts head. if im not willing to help myself, why should hashem???????
im lo achshav eimasai, its ok to fall, ill just start my count again tommorow, no big deal.....NO NO NO NO it is a big deal. if not now, when. the answer to that question is not tommorow or in 2 day. if not now, NEVER.
rabbosai, the yetzer harah has been getting me in many ways to be sad. ive been loseing my point of focus. i lost my geshmak for yiddishkeit like i used to have.  (i didnt lose it. it was just dulled out)
my life starts today!! from now on, full speed ahead! even though ive been learnign much torah and been feeling good about it, i need to turn those feelings of accomplishment into feelings of geshmak for torah.

AGAIN! I CANT DO THIS BY MYSELF. ITS ALL UP TO HASHEM, I KNOW WHAT HASHEM WANT ME TO DO, THE ONLY THING IS THAT I CANT DO IT WITHOUT HIS HELP. I JUST SAW IN BARDS (i think) THREAD, VECHOF ES YITZREINU LEHISHABED LACH, DONT GIVE THE YETZER UNDER MY CONTROL, I KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF IT DOES, I WANT HASHEM TO TAKE CONTROL OF MY YETZER. CUS I AS A HUMAN CANT CONTROL MY YETZER, ITS ALL UP TO HASHEM HE CAN CONTROL MY YETZER.
today is day 4. again. i now accept bards as my rebbi, everyone should read his thread thats what put me in this mood. look at my signature, lets all be like alchohal, dont freeze in the freezer.

the nesivos shalom basically says the fundamental idea for us addicts. we cant do it by ourselves, this is a taavah which is above nature. but if we do something down here, (an issrausa detatei) then hashem sends us presents from above and helps us to the rest (israusa dele"eila) but (to bad laag... doesnt see this) the israusa deleila ONLY COMES AFTER WE PUT IN THE ISRAUSA DETATA!!!!! so robosai, nu nu, lets go.

HS,
u r d man!
your attitude and efforts are wowee kazawee (yiddish for awesome) kidding
keep it up

Zoiks.
(yiddish for way to go! kotaec!)

im only at page 28 in bards battle. still have a lot to go. just reminding myself. i cant do anything wiithout hashem. my parents are going out of town for a bar mitvah. eating at my rebbis house. and staying at my bro and sis in laws house. im in the course of learning the last nesivos shalom in the parsha, it looks pretty good, but only got through the beggining of it.
so far this is what i got out of it (also applying it to our case)  a person only goes to galus when he looses clearity in his emunah. the whole purpose of the maakos was lmaan teidah ki ani hashem. it was all cus paroh said i dont know hashem, so the maakos combated that. so when we loose clearity that hashem is in control of everything, and we forget that it is all hashem that fights our battle, thats when we go into galus and have a fall.

wow! did anyone see the chizzuk email!!!
i took a gye flyer (that i found on the website) and the haskama of r twerski and of r feldman and a page of comments and put it on the rav of my shuls shtender. it is a pretty big shul (the one i daven at on the weak) and he will probably share it with people.
finished the 1st perek of pesachim a second time today, time to go onto the next perek.

mazel tov on being noted and quoted!
mazel tov on the siyum of the 1st perek!
mazel tov on bringing gye to the attention of that rav, you are rocking the house!

zol zain mit mazel

Read (actually learn  learn)

The first shtikkl. On parshas va-aaira

See the last 2 paragraphs!



Zoiks

Enjoy

Hello,

I am fairly new here at GYE but I am perplexed by something Hashem's Soldier wrote on 12/30/10.

"I'm home alone, I still don't have a filter installed here and I want to have a fall."

He then he goes on to talk about Hashem and his being powerless.!

If you don't put a filter on your computer then don't keep on posting about your slips and falls.! You have to do the minimum to protect yourself. Not having a filter is inviting disaster ! Please forgive me but this type of post does not come across as someone sincerely trying to help themselves and others !

This is only my opinion!

Have a good Shabbos.

Take it from me.
HS is someone who really works on himself.
The reference to not having a filter, probably does not refer to what you are thinking.  It might help you to read this whole thread from the very beginning.
We are happy that you joined us here, and we welcome you to GYE.
When first arriving at GYE Intenational Airport, one can find themselves overwhelmed, and trying to figure out if this website is really for him.
You will definitely come across people who don't share your every opinion.

Keep in mind that everyone has their own understanding of their situation, and it's important to cut people a little slack, and not judge by a single post.

Shop around.  Read Peoples' posts.  You will find a group of chevra whose deiyois are similar to yours, and you can start having a shaklah v'taryah.

what i meant is that i dont have a filter on my tv. i meant a parental block. and its not cus i dont want one, but its just not simple to do. but thank you very much teffilah for your concern!
anyways, i look forward to seeing more of your posts around here and on other threads!
everyone have a great shabbas. shabbas is a powerhouse of kedusha. we can attain true devaikus to hashem. have a happy shabbas.
when you say veyeshulu think about the it is hashem who created EVERYTHING and he is the only power/force and besides for him, there is nothing.
read learn the last nesivos shalom in the parsha. it talks about how shabbas take us out of galus, the general galus we've been in for over 2000 years (which by next friday we will have the bais hamikdash for one whole week already!) but also each persons own personal galus!
great shabbas to everyone.\
eating at my rebbis house for both meals while my parents are outa town.
HS

My apologies to  HashemsSoldier. Good luck to all.

HS

i've been reading your posts for quite some time
you are such a great pieces of inspiration and chizuk

and you are only 16 years old??
boy are you lucky, you are still young and with hashems help you will win the war

you dont have to go through what so much of us did

all i can say is "you are heading towards a great successful life"
keep up my little brother dont give in, were all here together with you, so hold on tight