I must say, I'm feeling tempted.
The voice of the y"h seems to be a bit louder than my own voice.
On the positive side, I have just completed one month, 31 days!

31 days means I've completed every phase of the moon.
I need to reset.
One month clean, now start again. Just because you have your paycheck in hand, doesn't mean you can slack off.

you are doing great!
the y'h's voice is often louder and more convincing and will continue to be so, that is his job. our job is to choose wisely and not fall for the sugar-coated poison.
keep on trucking

ToAdd wrote on 29 Nov 2010 06:14:

THAT'S ACTUALLY THE TELL-TALE SIGN OF THE Y"H.

Since the chet of Adom HaRishon, the voice in our head that says "I should," is the Y"H.  The voice that says, "YOU should," that voice that is slightly more distant, is the Y"T.

Also, I think I read this in Even Shleima by the G'RA--when you feel that burning sensation, a feeling of immediacy, THAT'S the Y"H trying to get you to do something.  The Y"T is calm.

So, those are two warning signs for us.

--Eye.

Thank you Eye and ZS.

I am a bit impetious at times; I have recently started meditating in the mornings which really helps with that.
It has helped me be more in control of my emotions.
I do however find that sometimes after meditating I find it difficult to focus, and if meditate at night it's difficult to sleep.
Anyone with ideas or suggestions?

did you ever read Jewish Meditation by Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan?

ZS, yes I did, quite recently. I actually need to speak to someone face-to-face though.

Day 33.
A bit of a slip yesterday. I was left alone at home. Was seeking comfort and a break.
For the past week I've been regressing.
In my post the other day I told myself to start again, and that's what I should have done.
Maybe we need a smaller handbook, like a refresher?
Perhaps I should write my own one, but right now I don't feel like doing anything productive.

I'm going for a walk. To refresh, to energise.

hi Toadd,
i haven't really tried practical meditation myself so i don't think i could help you on that.
i think it  would be a great idea for you to write a handbook. sometimes the best way to learn something is to write it down.
much hatzlocha
zs

Still feeling a bit down today.
I'm lacking the energy to get going. Well, thats what my y"h is telling me anyway.
Who do you want to be today? A sloth or a do-er?
yawn.

ToAdd: So if you don't think you have an answer for yourself, perhaps you have an eitzah for ME... how do I get my teenage yeshiva-bochur out of bed during a chanukah weekend? Should he really stay in bed until 1 pm? What would help me not be a sloth?

If you lemme know, if will help me. And it might even remind you of what might work for you....

Hi Briut

As a teenager I used to sleep to 1pm on the week-ends too.
Then I found a job where I could sleep till 11 every day, what a pleasure!
I was enjoying staying out till the early hours of the morning way more than anthing anyone could plan for the week-end mornings. Find something important to do and you'll get out of bed to do it.
Right now going to shul is a high priority for me, but it wasn't 5 years ago.
What would have gotten me up then? A cycling race, an outing. Something that would get me together with my friends - I dislike letting people down, so there's a far higher chance of getting up if people are expecting me to be there.

What would help me not be a sloth?
Yesterday I needed more sleep, I had passed the point of being able to function properly. I went home early and passed out on my bed.

Pliskin has a book: taking action, the art of joyful zerizus (I hope I got that right).
Many great ideas in there.
Undoing 35 years of lazy doesn't happen in a day though

Thanks. I'm just davening that a budding godol ba'torah like my kid will learn to rise... if not like a lion then at least in time for tefillin before sof zman krias shma at home....

Patience. Patience. Patience.

And what was _I_ like at that age, I need to remind myself!

Thanks for the chizuk, and sorry for the hijack.

It's been 10 days since my last confession.
lol.

Okay, I'm back from a break.
I'm happy to report that I feel I am making progress.
There has been some temptation and a bit of slipping during these 10 days, but not as often as before.

If not for me, then for my daughter - It's easy to slip when one is only caring about oneself, but if I know it has an impact on another soul, that's a whole other ball game.

Please H", help me be clean so as to not influence others.

Many thanks.

Your want-to-be servant.

ToAdd wrote on 14 Dec 2010 14:28:

For me, this didn't help all that much either.  The stakes are higher, but it's still just the same game of trying to resist temptation.

I must have been unclear in the way I said it.
My daughter gives me new strength to not continue thoughts about naughty things.
My current weak-point is the thoughts - the process is like this: a small trigger, then at night when all is quiet, my mind goes back, following a path from the trigger to a past situation, then I fantasize about what had or could have happened.
If I don't let go of those thoughts, the memories will remain fresh and the problem will always be there.
Now, I look to her and tell myself "I can't think these things - It will affect her." - The chain is broken.

Something I just decided to try is to replace these thoughts - I visualize the person disappearing into the distance and then bring my wife's face into view - replacing the unhealthy fantasy with a happy image of my wife; not an image that would turn me on, a neutral but happy image.

This does not change the other issues

a) alone, seeking escape, starting to mas_. I have not completed the act in a long time, and when I did, it was not repeated. This does not happen often and I think is just comfort seeking. This is what I usually post as a 'slip'

b) internet p_. This used to be a daily issue before finding this site. Now, minus a relapse for a few days, I have been clean for about 5 months.

Many Thanks to H" for getting me here and to everyone on this site that has helped.

I guess I can say that things are under control. I am probably doing better than many people who are not addicted. Still need to stay vigilant and watch out that nothing sparks a fire. One small spark and so much can go up in flames.