Eye, admitting it on the forum is easier than initially admitting it to myself.
"just a peep, that doesn't count" or "You didn't go all the way so it doesn't count".
The first time may have been a slip, but going back, I definately consider a fall.

The good news is that I broke out of that thinking this morning. Was very tempted, telling myself "5 minutes won't cause any harm", but managed to stay off for the hour before other people came.

Someone,
My battle is pretty harsh right now. I set myself a goal, then get lazy and don't do it, then feel bad I didn't succeed.
I do think some exercise will help. I used to be in a regular routine and now the only exercise I get is a quick drag by the dog occasionally. Being the middle of winter with temperatures starting at -2 doesn't exactly help.

I think the root cause is that I have a mental list of things I should be doing and I'm not getting around to them.
Perhaps I need to dig deep and make a list of all the ways I'm disappointing myself, then I can either discard items and nonsense (which I'm sure some are) or make a plan to complete the things that are necessary with realistic steps.

I am in the process of buying a new car.
The reliability of my 27 year old vehicle has been worrying me. This should help.

Have a good Shabbos everybody.

The last few days haven't been good.

STEP 1:

I acknowledge that I am powerless over lust and that it is making my life unmanageable.

ToAdd wrote on 12 Jul 2011 06:02:


Why not?

--Eye.

I was losing the battle, finding it very hard to let go of looking.
Things were getting worse and worse.

Yesterday I finally broke out of that spiral.
Thank G-d it did not go all the way. Thanks H" for giving me the strength to stay clean the whole day.

I had slipped and just did not want to let go of what I had found.
Just before I started to slip, I had decided to start from the beginning again - re-visit step 1.
It backfired. Maybe it brought my attention back to lust and I didn't put enough effort into staying clean.

Effort - that's what it's all about. I can't just sit back and let my world decay around me.
Making an inventory of myself is depressing. Need some positive thoughts.
So here goes
I am created in the image of H"
There must be something very special about me or H" would have removed me from this world already.

Okay, got to work now...

Ups and downs.

The giant wheel turns,
we hang on, trying not to let go.
I can feel God's hand supporting me
And yet I still battle to let go

Like two trees with roots in the same earth
Competing for nutrients, competing for light
The one I can harvest, the other a weed
Which do I trust, which do I feed?

that's a beautiful poem!

Thanks ZS

The three weeks have a strange effect on me.
I'm happier now than normal. I remember a few years ago, going to shul on Tisha'b'Av and crying when I started the Shema. Crying from happiness.
God could have destroyed us, but destroyed his temple instead.

Good shabbos everyone.

very interesting...
if you can find a copy you should see what the Sefer Yetev Panim writes at the very end of Maamar Yafeh L'einayim. basic idea is that even when mourning over the bais hamikdash we do it with simcha,
קומי רוני בלילה, לראש אשמורות- שפכי כמים ליבך, נוכח פני ה'; שאי אליו כפייך, על-נפש עוללייך- העטופים ברעב, בראש כל-חוצות" (איכה ב, יט)
it is done with Rinah, because we are doing it in together with Hashem.
i don't claim to understand exactly how that works, but maybe you will.

have a great shabbos

Thank you ZS
I think I do understand (a little), thanks, that actually helps me a lot.

Day 8.
I have cut down entertainment to almost nothing and it has really helped.
Some old thoughts have returned. I was thinking about things I've seen that I thought were forgotten about. No problem really. Nothing to see here, move on...

Back to work...

Day 11
Must have missed a few days there.

It's all good. Thanks H".

I see you are counting one day at a time. 

1 + 1 = 11 !!!  ;D ;D ;D

and then when you get to five you cross them out and start again.

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those that don't.

Good shabbos everyone.

wishing you a great shabbos (binary or otherwise)

Rosh Chodesh.
The temptation has been building again.
Need to be vigilant

Slipping a bit in my vigilance but have not given in to any temptation.