You're welcome.

Another Pliskin fan. Great, made me smile too  ;D

Day 11
Just checking in and reporting that I'm currently feeling strong, cheerful.
Can't really ask for more than that.

Okay, there are a million things one could ask for, but Hashem has provided me with everything I need, so all I can do is say thanks.
And thanks to all the people here too. Even the small things help so much.

Now, what can I do?

ToAdd

great to hear you doing good!
thanks for sharing

Thanks for popping in ZS

Two weeks
What is it with me and Rosh Chodesh?

Working on my procrastination and its root: passive-agressive behaviour.

Feeling quite restless. I see the common causes for that are:
Anxiety
Boredom
hyperactivity
Disease
Drugs

I'm currently not anxious or sick. Thank God.
As for drugs - caffeine and sugar are the only ones and I'm trying to cut those out, so maybe withdrawl?
Boredom - I think half my brain is bored.
Hyperactivity - that's just the caffeine and sugar.

I need to exercise more.
I'm going to go for a walk. Burn some of this energy off.

ToAdd

ToAdd wrote on 17 Jun 2011 06:37:

Most of the "causes" you wrote, I think, are actually just synonyms for restless.

Meaning, I would look a bit further to find the cause, what's behind THESE things.

--Eye.

Caught myself slipping, one innocent thing suddenly lead me onto youtube...

Anyway, back to fixing myself up.
"Most of the "causes" you wrote, I think, are actually just synonyms for restless."

I was using good old google to try find causes for restlessness.

"look a bit further to find the cause, what's behind THESE things"
That's my ultimate quest.
The source of my rid.

So, I'm at work, feeling bored and restless.
So why don't I just do my work?
If I'm busy, I won't be bored or restless.

I'm not stimulated at my job anymore. I used to be doing groundbreaking stuff, now its unexciting
Sometimes there are fears of failure. I don't think this is the case right now though.
I've gotten into the habbit of procrastinating. So I sit down for a little while and then feel I need to go for a walk / eat something etc. This does not allow me to focus.

Perhaps some passive-agressive acting out at my boss for not giving us an increase at the end of last year.
I've lost sight of the rewards.

I'm comfort seeking and running from my duties.

So what now?

Sit down
Remove all distractions
Focus only on the problem at hand; break that up into smaller tasks if it's too big to tackle in one sitting.
Anything else that pops up, add it to the task list to work on later
Organise priorities.

If I work hard, then I'll deserve to get an increase at the end of the year, but I need to earn it.

That'll do for now. I'll tackle home issues there - like setting time for H" and helping around the house more.

ToAdd wrote on 21 Jun 2011 13:08:


For me, I have found that a major source of RID is dis-comfort with myself, and with my situation.  Wishing I were someone else, doing something else, somewhere else.  The more I come to terms with my limitations, and with my reality the way it is, the more peace of mind I find overall.

--Eye.

Confort-seeking dictates that one is already in a state of discomfort.

I'm in a pretty bad place right now.
Lots of anxiety.

The big problem is that I can't pinpoint the problem.
It was about a year ago that I found this site and I was so happy to have uncovered a root cause for what I was going through.

What have I actually fixed since then?
I may have removed (or at least diminished) a major obstacle between me and H", but that does not mean I've made any progress on the path.
Now that I can see the obstacles more clearly, I'm perhaps more afraid to go down the path.

I am not happy.

I'm still a bit sick.

I guess I'm depressed. I'm considering seeing someone, but that seems like an effort.

Face reality ToAdd. Yosef.

That's what's below all this:
I'm crying out for help.
If no one is hearing me, it's because I'm not saying anything.

Yesterday got a bit difficult so I wandered around the forums for a while reading some posts.
The few things I typed never made it - the ideas were very unclear but I think it helped me just getting them out my head.

My lack of focus is causing my work to suffer
I feel bad that i'm not getting things done, which causes a bigger lack of focus
This is not rocket science, just do one thing, that'll help. Then move on to the next...

I have nothing ToAdd to what you said.

Just wanted you to know that somebody read what you wrote...

E

ben durdayah wrote on 30 Jun 2011 09:15:

Thanks
It has been quite around here lately.

Day 31:
This time, Rosh Chodesh was good, my apparently 'monthly' struggle happened about a week earlier and was over with days before Rosh Chodesh, so there goes that theory. I guess things just get difficult again 3-4 weeks after starting again.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but my attitude has changed slightly lately and it seems to have made a positive difference.
I think I've attached less importance to lust and can thus let it go easier. I don't know.
I am making less fuss over what I look at.

After a bit of thought...

Why have I been overlooking the obvious: It's not me.
Thank you Hashem for all your help.

Also, thanks to everyone on this site. Your own struggling is not just for your sake, it helps those aound you (me) too!

I had a bit of a fall.
Found myself following something and ended up looking at the wrong stuff for a while and battled to stop myself going back.

Burying myself in work as a distraction...

Not easy to admit that.

Shkoyach,

--Eye.

I have very similar experiences as you sometimes. Restlessness, not being able to sleep at night etc. At the moment we are around the same amount of days "clean"... perhaps its a case of withdrawal? Sports... rigorous sports and less computer-time helps me most of the time.

Also, do you feel like there is a lack of a defined goal in your (work)life right now? Something that should be achieved by next week? Perhaps setting oneself the goal of going for a 3-5 (or whatever challenges you) km run in the next 3 days might distract oneself...

Of course, this doesn't address the root of the problem. I'm wondering about my, time and  again resurfacing RID too

EDIT: I checked, your probably around 10-15 days "ahead".