Think about something else, and, more importantly, DO DO DO something else.

--Eye.

Thanks.
what I was originally going to post has been cancelled due to me being uplifted by the chizuk.

UAJ: I do lose sight of that. I forget that ALL this is from RBSO, the good and the difficult.
Eye: That is the key: Doing something else and enjoying what I do.

Am I going to beat myself up because I'm being lazy or am I going to stick this truck into gear and get moving?

Day 14.
It was quite a struggle to get here and I know that if I let my guard down it will all be lost.

I think I'm starting to treat this is a 'normal' way.
This is not a hindrance, nor is it a charging bull that I have to break my neck to run away from.
Just stay away from the bad things – they’re just not part of my life anymore.

ToAdd

ToAdd wrote on 07 Apr 2011 05:24:


I have found, for myself, that I think the over-powering urge to lust will always be with me.  I have to accept that, and that's part of being an addict.  What can I do?  Part of it is to stay away from the triggers--but the triggers in my head are far worse than the triggers "out there."  The pain, the frustration, the resentment.  These are things I have to try to eliminate from my life; these are the things that build up and compell me to act out.  So, I have to guard my brain even more than I have to guard my eyes.

--Eye.

:-[ I've went back to an old site and now I'm very tempted to go back again.
I would like to say that "I just wasn't thinking", but I was.

Eye, you're spot on - the temptation will always be there. It just changes form.
I did not B"H go all the way but I have totally lost my footing.
I just got bored.
I should be learning about Pesach or working on my new project - I just needed a break.
Need to get my focus back.

A little hand up anyone?

hi Toadd,
i can identify with wanting/needing a break, especially during Pesach prep. but we need to choose our 'breaks' wisely, otherwise we will get broken by them...
we all need to re-focus often, it's just a symptom of a condition called 'Homo Sapien'. being aware of it and doing something about it is what separates the men from the boys.
continued hatzlocha
zs

Thanks ZS.

I'm still trucking.
Thank God I did not have a full fall, but I was very off balance.

My Y"H is telling me that there was nothing else that I could do at the time while I was waiting.
I'm just not in the habbit of seeking out positive things to do when I'm in that mood.
Thank you Hashem for showing me that weakness. I am working on it.

Pesach is on my mind. The festival that probably requires more work than any other, more safeguards.
I always wondered how we were supposed to see ourselves as slaves in Egypt.
Now that I realised what I am slave to, it has become so much more real.

Hashem, there is blood on my doorposts, please let the Angel of death pass over me and rescue me from my bondage.
Destroy my enemies first born and lead me through the sea on dry land, with your Torah on either side of me.

Many thanks

ToAdd

ToAdd wrote on 13 Apr 2011 08:58:

i just had a similar thought today
we say 've'hee she'amda la'avosaainu...', meaning that in every generation there are efforts to destroy us, whether it is physical, spiritual and emotional destruction, and only Hashem's promise to us that He will never forsake us is what keeps us going

Nothing to add today.
It's all good.

I was just thinking about being first born.
Just before Pesach is the fast of the first born. There must be some connection there.

Every house was required to have blood on the doorposts - even those that did not have their first born still with them. Why?

Perhaps it's because Hashem refers to us as his first born and Pesach was the birth of the nation?

No matter how deep one looks into the story, there always seems to be an infinite number of layers underneath what one sees. You could discuss the story until it's time to say the morning Shema...

In some way, I was there at the time. We all were. Hashem loves us beyond anything I can fathom!

Perhaps after 4 cups of wine, this will make more sense.

ToAdd

Brr. Getting a bit cold here, and raining often.
I hope it doesn't rain over the next two nights, we're going out for both nights.
There's too much to be done just before Pesach to lust.

Chag sameach.

ToAdd wrote on 12 Apr 2011 06:12:


I think one of the things that kills me more than anything else is the "I should's."  Racks up the guilt like skeet-ball, and where there's guilt there's RID (Restlesness, Irritibality, and Discontent--for the yet uninitiated), and where there's RID there's PAIN and where there's PAIN we try to cover it up with our Drug of Choice.

...this has been a recording.

--Eye.

Hey - hope your pesach is one of freedom. It can be.

Realizing the lesson of pesach - that we can become free even when we're so low, and it seems like there's no way out - can be so liberating for us!

The more you think about the story of pesach, the more it sounds like our struggles. You know, work that just keeps you too busy to even think about getting free, disbelief that getting free is even possible, and even when someone comes to free us, we have trouble believing them, etc...

I'm back after a Pesach break.
I am re-energised and ready to continue.
The 90 day chart gave me an error, but I think I'm a bit past two weeks.

Thanks Eye and SB - there has been a bit of RID and I've noticed how those thoughts lead straight to a depressing place for me. As soon as pesach was over, the YH kicked in, but BH I managed to stay away.
I see it now as part of the process. When we start cleaning up our act, we're sent a test and if we overcome it, we are left stronger; like having completed a level and then moved on to the next.

There's so much I could post about Pesach and breaking free, but I've got work to do...

Wishing everyone Total Freedom!

ToAdd

Cute:
I’m sorry, the elevator to success is broken.
You’re going to have to get there one step at a time.