I found myself thinking about lusty things again and not wanting to let them go.
Then I got into a debate with myself about if it was a fall or not.
Calling it a fall will just get me down I said
but the truth is, I went onto the net and was looking at some things I shouldn't
They were light things, but my intention was to lust and that's what I'm trying to get away from - intentional lusting.
Monday had it's difficulties, but I see it's just because of those thoughts on the week-end.

Okay, back on the truck.
Need to work on working better. That is my source of depression now, and the lust is a symptom.

Sometimes I'm one person, and other times I'm someone else entirely.

I'm going for a walk, then eating some breakfast, then I'm going to work.
They need what only I can do...

I empathize. I know the feeling.....  :-\

Didn't get much work done yesterday (or the whole of last week for that matter).
I am feeling a bit stronger today though.
I'm busy giving up another addiction too - coca cola. It's driving me a little mad.

I guess I'm worried about my future - I've hit a plateaux in my career and there's no moving up without big changes.
When I was living alone, big risks weren't an issue. Now, I have a wife, daughter, house. Can't exactly take any big risks.

At least I know what the issues are now. I'm secure at the moment.
I'm starting something in my free time - hopefully I can make a business of that.

Back to SA - I've overcome some of my biggest issues lately - I CAN DO THIS!.

Feeling far less conflicted today.
I'm still holding on to some images in my mind though, don't want to let go of my security blanket.

Captains log, day 4 (again).

I'm back on track, trucking along.
I like this person I am right now.

So what changed? I ask myself.
Haven't been reading any seforim, no big revelations [sorry I can't spell apifomies].

No Elephants, no Possums,
Even got some news at work that things are going to be a bit more difficult.

I don't think I'm happier because I overcame temptation (well, I definately would be less happy if I acted out) - I think I overcame temptation because I am happier.

One thing I have done is clarify the career issue I had - perhaps that has settled my mind and released a bunch of stress.

Thank you Hashem, things are going well for me.

Oh, and perhaps the withdrawal from giving up coke is subsiding.

ToAdd wrote on 10 Feb 2011 05:52:

Wanna try some crack now?  ;D

Keep on going, Hashem has helped you thus far and thank him every day, hour, and moment clean!

Thanks oneday


I knew that was coming, the one time I don't add cola

I started listening to "Happy Wife" shiurim in the car. Some good stuff there

Thanks Hashem, for Everything.

ToAdd wrote on 11 Feb 2011 07:08:


We realized that & didn't want to disappoint you. 

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 10 Feb 2011 16:41:

I guess LSD is child's play.  But, at least it gets Tefilas HaDerech.

Hey, ToAdd,  I can't spell apiphonies either.  In fact, whenever I have one, about fifteen minutes later I can't remember what it was.  I'm leaving all epifonies to the wise guys here.  I got enough trouble getting through today. 

KOT

Lol 1d. That's what I started a journal.

Today is day 8.
I think I've grown up a bit.
There are some things that 'normal' people get when growing up. I missed some of those things. I'm learning some of those things now.

Relationships need attention, affection and appreciation.
For me, these were laced with lust.
It is important that there is no lust in these areas, that just ruins it.

I think I'm ready for a normal relationship now...

sounds like you had an epiphany!

kutgw!

I think I did, shortly after my post.
I have passive agressive behaviour disorder.
Sounds to me like a fancy way of telling someone their funds are needed to keep the psychology industry going.
In short, I'm afraid to tell people how I feel, so I let my feelings out in other ways.
I'm going to work on that.

Hello World, I love you!