Chaim, i think you have a great attitude regarding doing all you can do and then surrendering. good for you!

and getting rid of facebook is a really great thing, as you illustrated with what happened with people from the past in your life. more power to you!

Wow, deleting facebook is huge. I would like to delete my account as well but I'm concerned that people will think that I'm becoming an extremest for doing so. Will you give an explanation to anybody or will you just disappear (people may think that you've removed them)?

I'm glad that you are still ding well.

Happy chanukah.

You could always give the excuse that you're closing it because of security reasons, meaning identity theft, etc. That's a common reason for people to remove their facebook accounts.

i deleted my facebook about 1/2 a year ago i just posted up that a rabbi told me to remove it, then about a week later i took it down.

u could do that: just post ur deleting ur account 4 security reasons, post ur email address if they'd like to keep in contact and ask for whoever wants to send u THEIR email. and then ur not insulting nobody ur just leaving...

My plan is to delete it without any excuse or notifiication.  First off, my account has been dormant since I put my filter in about 2 months ago.  Second, I was never too active a user to begin with.  3rd the people I'm really friends with on Facebook, I'm friends with in real life.  The potential for abuse of my private information is profound too.  The more I learn about the Facebook founders and their frivolous view of privacy the more concerned I become.  4th, I'm kind of a luddite and always have been since I've been a kid.

Now I never used Facebook for acting out purposes; I understand that Facebook is a problem for some others in this regard.  Maybe that's why I also don't feel a lot of resistance to shutting down the account as well, because it hasn't been a vehicle for the Y'H.

I'm 33 years old, so I'm not really a digital generation/millinial.  I could understand that facebook is really a lifeline for a lot of people to connect and is a primary people for younger people to connect.  My little sister is just 4 years yonger, but has a much greater penetration of social media in her life.  I look at it this way.  I live in a community where there is always something going on.  Some learning event or minyan man basketball tourament, some rav coming through town plus I have work and cahvrusas etc.  Do I really need to connect digitally beyoned e-mail?  I have every oppportunity to do so in real life.  I also live in a smaller frum community so all the mores so for those of us in NY or NJ. 

My plan is to hit the public computer at the library to see if I can delete

David/Rage wrote on 06 Dec 2010 19:53:


NOW THAT SOUNDS LIKE RAGE!

I successfully de-activated Facebook.  I'll have to have  friend test it out.  Does anyone know if there is a way to completely delete an account?  Will I be invisible now to my ex's?

Hey Chaim77,

Apparently, you can't delete an account but just deactivate it. In other words, they keep all your info and there is no way for you to delete it. They do this in order to give you the opportunity to reactivate at a later date.

Guys, thanks for the suggestions, I'll use the security excuse. If you see some guy deleting his account for security reasons, you'll know my identity  .

Happy chanukah.

Installed - that's interesting/diabolical that Facebook won't let you delete an account.  The cost of privacy goes up all the time.

Today is day 29 and an okay day.  I'll make it through but I am aware that I really need to grow as a man in recovery.  Yesterday evening I was less than satisfied with my shemirat anayim.  There was a real victory.  I had to go to an office building and in the receptionist area there was a woman who dressed to get gawked at and was being checked out by a few guys waiting behind her.  I was able to take care of my business without even directly looking at her and getting all worked up.  Last night I took my kids to an indoor playground that is part of a city rec center/ health club.  It wasn't terrible, but I wasn't pleased with myself either.  I really need to have game plan and be talking with the Boss before I go back there.  This morning I was a little annoyed taking care of health insurance stuff.  I'm still on COBRA since leaving my old job to start this business but that runs off in Oct 2011 and I'm shopping for my individual policy.  I would have done this earlier but we had a baby this summer and we couldn't start the insurance shopping until the baby was 3 months old.  First off the process is stressful.  Second off I'm terrified about what this is going to cost.  There's a lot of RID built into it.  B"H the new 12 step calls sart in 6 short days. 

Depending on how much you're making, you might want to look into "healthy NY" (or an equivalent program wherever you live). You might also be able to look into getting insurance through an organization - I never fully looked into it, but you might want to research getting insurance through the freelancer's union. Probably WAY cheaper than getting it by yourself (I mean like, by a factor of 4).

u know even if u cant delete ur account b4 deactivating u can still change all the info on record b4 u leave

Here's the scoop on day 30.  Last week, as the clouds of acute withdrawal lifted, I was really too happy.  Everything seemed beautiful, sunny and full of hope.  All the lights were green in every direction.  I was opening up books right to the page I wanted.  I was getting all these epiphanies.  This week is harder.  Yesterday I was at an even for my kid's school; people were shmoozing and I just felt like crying.  I just felt low - I couldn't identify anything in particular but it hurt.  I felt better later that night.  I got a workout in and was able to sit and just look at the chanukah candles for a good while - something I hadn't taken the time to do yet.  I wondered about what the next year will bring and where we will all be next chanukah.  I also just enjoyed gazing at the light of the fire, of each flame clinging to it's wick but pulling upwards.

Last night I had a dream about acting out.  I can't tell you the relief when I woke up and it was just a dream.  And this morning, acting out is on the brain.  I am really trying to surrender it to Hashem.  I know that as powerful as my urge may seem, it is nothing compared to his urge.  I can’t identify anything in particular that is bothering me.  Rather it seems to be all of it – my work, my family, my volunteer commitments, my finances, my health – the whole thing.  I know that my urge will pass.  I have been praying that Hashem help me to be calm now and at least just do something in a calm and productive manner until He can show me how to untangle all the knots in my life or at least to live with them.  Life hurts now, and I want to act out.  But I know that it will hurt worse and I need to hang in there, this feeling will pass and more will be revealed.  I am committed to being sober today.  I know not all days will feel as bad as the last couple.  This is white-knuckling at its finest, but if I can make it through today, more will be revealed.  I’ve seen it before in myself and with the others in this program.  In 5 days the next 12 step calls start.

I think in the Joe and Charlie mp3’s the talk about how when you quit drinking you’re going to feel better – you’re going to feel pain better, resentment better, fear better, worry better and so on – b’emet.

I’m going to go get busy for a while.  I have some time set up to talk to another guy in a little bit.  I’m already feeling a little bit better.

chaim, i feel for you. having the urge and the unexplained discontentment.

but you sound like you have some pretty good perspective and tools for pulling through this and growing by it. maybe it all boils down to talking: talking to yourself, talking to friends, and talking to Hashem

i liked this idea a lot:chaim77 wrote on 08 Dec 2010 15:15:

This morning was a rough morning.  B"H I had a lot to keep me busy, but my wheels started turning in a very bad way on my too long commute this morning.  I regret to say that I googled a video store on my smartphone that I have frequent to see what time the open – I have no filter on my phone, but I have disabled images which is good.  Just in case anyone is wondering, they opened 45 minutes ago and I wasn't there when they unlocked the doors.  Thank G-d I was working and actually getting somethings done.  I got myself into a very perilous situation this morning.  The Yetzer Hara's tactic - the one last time bit...
 
I’ve always been a sucker for the one last time routine.  “Come on – one last time.  You start the next 12-step calls on Monday and then you’ll be sorry you didn’t.”  “This time it will be enough, I promise.” 

So let me tell you all again how this thing has almost cost me a great job, an awesome marriage, my finances, my health and so on.  I’ve put myself in situations where I’ve risked disease, getting beat up or mugged and jail to chase this illusion.  Let me tell you that when I come to act out – these painful memories are no where to be found; they hold no power over me whatsoever.  Can anyone relate?  Is this not the insanity we are talking about – the powerlessness?

So no the Y”H is telling me that – “you already googled the hours of operation for the store, and crossed that line.  You blew it, you might as well go the whole hog.”  And thank G-d that he looks for us progress and not perfection.  Now for today I need to look at myself for progress and not perfection.

So how did I even get in a conversation with the Y”H this morning?  It is clear that I am out of touch spiritually.  I’ve popped out of gear and I’m revving my engine and must be feeling stuck.  I need to be talking to Hashem more.  If I’m busy talking to HKB”H how can I be having a conversation with the Y”H!!!

Here’s the last bit the Y”H tries to pull.  “Look, Chaim, you are so full of RID and triggery right now.  How are you going to last until the calls start on Monday?  Look the way that things are going now, you’re just going to feel worse and worse and worse.”  B”H I don’t have to make it until Monday.  So I may feel worse tomorrow or I may not.  I’ll deal with that when I get there.  One thing is for sure, I will feel worse if I act out today.  The mitzvah today is to stay sober today. 

It was scary for me to write this just now.  I was thinking, do I want to really write this in the condition I’m in?  Look, you may act out later today and then you’ll look stupid.  That’s true; there is a lot of day left.  But I’m not acting out right now, and I’m trying to be honest with myself.  I might slip even more than just googling hours of operations.  So I am feeling very vulnerable, very scared, but also strangely serene that I am able to lay out in such honest terms. 

Mine won’t, G-d’s will – I think I’ll let him.  And it seems my knuckles are a little less white.

By the way if anyone knows how to put a filter or accountability program on a Palm Centro – let me know!

hi Chaim,

remember that when Yosef had his nisayon with Mrs.Potifar Chazal say that he 'fell' to a certain extent, with zera being lost from his fingers. yet he picked himself up and ran and became known as Yosef Hatzadik for posterity because of that and by doing so he bequeathed that potential power for all of klal yisrael, as the seforim say. if he would have been hung up on being perfect he would've ended up who-knows-where.

you did great by coming and posting about it. put it out in the open. you have great ideas and attitudes. do you have people you can call?