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Zemmy's story

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TOPIC: Zemmy's story 107013 Views

Re: Zemmy's story 19 Sep 2011 23:19 #119540

Jackabbey Current streak: 3 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 835 Karma: 0	zemmy, i like #8 the best
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Re: Zemmy's story 20 Sep 2011 04:50 #119573

gibbor120 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder NEVER EVER GIVE UP! Posts: 5251 Karma: 166	I agree, #8 is the best. I need to internalize that one. I think the way Dov puts it is getting "right sized". It's okay not to be perfect. We have to be comfortable in our own skin, not some inflated idea of who we think we should be. Thanks for the reminders, zemmy.
	My Home \| My Links \| Dov Quotes \| Dr. Sorotzkin \| Handbook \| Additional Tools \| AA Audio \| Shalom Bayis \| Skep's Tips Last Edit: by .

Re: Zemmy's story 20 Sep 2011 08:24 #119586

Jackabbey Current streak: 3 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 835 Karma: 0	a talmud once came to the rebbe of lublin, showd him his long paper of kabolos and things that he wants to implement, the rebbe said its excellent, then took a pen and added one line, "and sometimes you should do the excact opposite"
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Re: Zemmy's story 21 Sep 2011 05:29 #119729

1daat Current streak: 126 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 713 Karma: 4	thanks z
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Re: Zemmy's story 21 Sep 2011 16:59 #119788

ZemirosShabbos
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after being on GYE and gaining an awareness of the lust in me, things seem different. or at least i am more aware of the way things really are.

i find myself starting to lust after my wife sometimes. during a regular nidda time (not after birth) i would not make such an issue out of this type of lust, for better or for worse. (i know it is not the ideal). but now with a long separation time i realize i can't afford to start lusting even if it is after my wife. so i gotta change mental channels when i find myself starting to lust.

this brings me to another issue, which is while i change channels and block out my wife it blocks her out entirely, causing a feeling of distance. seemingly because i had the wrong focus all these years, focusing on myself and my pleasure and not on her as a person, if i block the lust aspect it blocks her out entirely. and she picks up on it. and i do too.

so i need to work on seeing her as a person. have tea time. talk. walk. listen. but hey, what else is new?

and in truth, it is an opportunity. not a burden. and i ought to say thank you for it (thank you UAJ for lighting that fire)

Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ

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Re: Zemmy's story 21 Sep 2011 17:15 #119790

heuni memass	Post baby is the best time to practice giving. Help around the house, she can use your help and you will appreciate her more as a person and wife for all that she does. Its not about blocking out - its about chiming in. Keep on moving in the right direction. Zem, your a fine piece of art.
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Re: Zemmy's story 21 Sep 2011 17:29 #119795

ZemirosShabbos OFFLINE Platinum Boarder pass the compote Posts: 6153 Karma: 72	thank you HM. and thats a good line: not blocking out, chiming in. i like.
	Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise ~Inna beshem ZS Give, Forgive ~Cordnoy The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting. ~TZ Last Edit: by .

Re: Zemmy's story 21 Sep 2011 17:31 #119797

gibbor120 OFFLINE Platinum Boarder NEVER EVER GIVE UP! Posts: 5251 Karma: 166	heuni memass wrote on 21 Sep 2011 17:15: Zem, your a fine piece of art. I bet you never got that compliment before .
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Re: Zemmy's story 21 Sep 2011 17:31 #119798

ur-a-jew Current streak: 1087 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1717 Karma: 55	ZemirosShabbos wrote on 21 Sep 2011 17:29: and thats a good line: not blocking out, chiming in. i like. Not as good as: heuni memass wrote on 21 Sep 2011 17:15: Zem, your a fine piece of art. Hey, I'm too slow today. Gibbor got in while I was typing
	Help free Sholom Rubashkin by giving him the zechus of Shemiras Eiynayim. www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=2809.0 Last Edit: by .

Re: Zemmy's story 21 Sep 2011 18:15 #119807

ZemirosShabbos OFFLINE Platinum Boarder pass the compote Posts: 6153 Karma: 72	well, Tzadik90 called me a golden flower pot... and iguana farmer, yh bodyguard, sergeant, holy brother, sailor, smurf, mr. yellow bellied republican nationalist, o great reflective one... miss him, sniff sniff
	Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise ~Inna beshem ZS Give, Forgive ~Cordnoy The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting. ~TZ Last Edit: by .

Re: Zemmy's story 21 Sep 2011 18:17 #119809

bardichev	ZemirosShabbos wrote on 21 Sep 2011 18:15: well, Tzadik90 called me a golden flower pot... and iguana farmer, yh bodyguard, sergeant, holy brother, sailor, smurf, mr. yellow bellied republican nationalist, o great reflective one... miss him, sniff sniff i thought you were a soda bottle cap curator
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Re: Zemmy's story 21 Sep 2011 18:26 #119815

ur-a-jew Current streak: 1087 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1717 Karma: 55	ZemirosShabbos wrote on 21 Sep 2011 18:15: well, Tzadik90 called me a golden flower pot... As fine a specimen as I've ever seen. A real "fine piece of art" And its got ZS written all over it. Great for holding bottle caps too. Attachments: GFP.jpg (106KB) GFP.jpg_thumb (38KB)
	Help free Sholom Rubashkin by giving him the zechus of Shemiras Eiynayim. www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=2809.0 Last Edit: by .

Re: Zemmy's story 21 Sep 2011 21:12 #119884

ZemirosShabbos OFFLINE Platinum Boarder pass the compote Posts: 6153 Karma: 72	thank you UAJ my ego is bursting out of it's golden flower pot and spilling the bottle caps
	Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise ~Inna beshem ZS Give, Forgive ~Cordnoy The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting. ~TZ Last Edit: by .

Re: Zemmy's story 21 Sep 2011 21:17 #119885

ZemirosShabbos
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a good friend wrote these wise words

lust is no good in any dose, on any woman, even our wives. not even
just from a Torah view. simply from an sa/gye view-lust eats us alive
with mustard and then spits us out into a sewer. it is never very good
for us (or for our wife).

.......

i found a more successful recipe which is currently helping me.
by doing alot of things to help my wife, and with patience, cleaning
the house, listening to her alot, etc, for a few days time, i was able
to get out of my world and into her world. and i tried to work on
caring about her and realizing how she has a world to her own, with
her own fears, worries, struggles, things she is ashamed about, self
esteem issues, somebody hurt her feelings, etc. and i realized she has
her own life and has a full plate of difficulties, and was living like
an almana lo aleinu, without anyone to listen to her, to be patient
with her, to compliment her, to hear her out.
and i tried to do this again and again consistently, thinking about
these things, and having rachamim on her, until it took slight hold.
so yea, i havent yet got it perfectly, but i have a itty bitty rythm
going now and it is great. there is nothing like it. to experience
love in your home is so euphoric. it is amazing how most people who
are married, i imagine they do not feel love with their spouse. if onyl
i get this down pat, to be koneh this middah, whatever, that would be
olam habah in this world.

Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ

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