Dear Someone,

Nice to meet you!

I must say, I perused your posts and I find you very inspiring.

KOT!

E. Ben Durdayah

I continue my habit of posting every two weeks... Well, better than nothing eh? I had an epiphany a while back, I realized what "I'm a good person with a bad disease" meant to me. It means, even should I turn atheist, I will keep on trying to live in sobriety. If I contemplate on this enough, my stubborn mind might even realize that after all, the addiction is not about becoming the hero who saves the world, but just about learning to live the right way.

I indeed do have problems with going to bed on time, 2ndchance: it is one of those troubles that set the mood for falling... Maybe I should give myself a second chance with that?

Thank-you silentbattle for offering the various options, I just began looking into them and find them rather optimistic. Let us see if I can figure it out. I have decided however, that I am also interested in organizing a Skype conference call for us Europeans...

Last but not least, I am also pleased to meet u ben durdayah! I am happy I have been a little bit of an inspiration to someone, I hope you are doing well!

good to see you back here!

keep on trucking

Hey again, the forum tells me that I haven't posted here in at least 120 days - asks me if I want to start a new topic... -.- Thx, but no thx!

I have made a few baby-steps ahead since last time: have a hack-proof filter (I'm clever when my addiction takes over), Internet-monitoring that sends reports to me and a good friend (will be increased to 3 friends), don't have the passwords to any account besides my own on the computer, have told my parents that I am "Internet-addicted". Which is also true btw... ... hence I limited my going-to-bed time to 11 pm on the computer.

On the other hand, I have discovered some pretty cool stuff about myself. I have realized that my anger with people and situations can mostly be traced back to anger at my own reaction to the situation!! I firmly believe 99% confrontations (in regular day-to-day life) can be solved without fighting or creating "bad blood".

I am trying to quit fighting, iron will exerting, petty war-scenarios in my head.... its time to quite the games and give it over to Hashem. I'm rather a novice at it, but slowly, very slowly, step-by-step is how I go with these things. Have to be patient even with myself.

Im here now, because I visited a bad link yesterday - out of curiosity. My conscious mind didn't classify it as something inherently bad, even though it contained triggers - nuff is said. Im also worried about a girl at work, she's oh-so-attractive, its hard to avoid trying to flirt/talk with her. Im scared that I cannot give the fight up to Hashem well enough, so Im (also) posting here.

Perhaps it would help to make some plans, here and now, of how you can relate to her, and things you can do to avoid getting yourself in trouble.

It may also help if you know that every day, you have to tell a friend (or us, here) how you dealt with that day's struggles.