Hey,

I introduced myself over here.

I will go to sleep shortly, today is sadly day 0. May Hashem save me from falling further today.

Well, best wishes to you!
Please keep us posted.

Today has so far been ok. No big temptations. I will try and make a list of character traits I would like to work on. As they say, the addiction is but a symptom. Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Hi Someone,

I think you meant to add a link above and left it out.

Anyhow, Stand up and hop on the train it's moving forward.

Good day.

David

the link is the word "here" in his post first post, put your mouse over it and you will see.

hi someone,
great to have you back here. keep posting and keep active and busy. mold doesn't grow on a well-traveled path. wishing you success and serenity
zs

Thank-you for your encouragement kutan shel hachabura, ZemirosShabbos and david712! I was supposed to respond already yesterday, but as a experienced procrastinator, I decided playing computer games was more important...

But luckily, the Lord saved me from falling yesterday. As a matter of fact, I had two rather good days. I recently moved to a new city, and although I have work, my afternoons are mostly spent infront of the computer. This has to change, as it is not healthy. Today I have definitely spent too much time on the computer. At least I also did useful things.

I have decided to do one little thing to work on my character traits per week. This week Ill start with always having good food in my apartment! I can hear the question... "What on Earth does this addiction have to do with food being in the house?" I would like to elaborate a bit. I have often tried "makeovers" with long lists of things I should do daily; it worked exactly 2-3 days. After that I would  do less and less, till I eventually lost even the lists...  ;D This time round, Ill start with very little things a time. Perhaps, G-D willing, I can expand on these week after week. After all, life is a series of processes. If anybody has a thought on this approach, I would be very thankful for the feedback!


Day 3 began a few minutes ago.
/SO

Someone wrote on 27 Oct 2010 22:15:


my thoughts on this approach are that you are right on the money! things always work better that way

wishing you success
zs

I realize to my own horror that my goal of posting at least every two or three days has just become one and a half months! Oh well, I guess that is nothing new from me. My situation has changed only minimally, I now fall every fourth or fifth day, albeit several times. This I guess just tells me that although the symptoms have changed a little, my underlying condition hasn't.

My underlying problem is for now my self-absorption. It is always about me, never about others. Even when I help someone, my thoughts usually go along the lines of "What a great guy am I ... SURELY G-D will reward me for this." Maybe this is why I often will feel lonely. Even whilst sitting among others. This leads to depressive feelings, which makes it harder to connect to others and easier to act out. Sometimes its so bad that there are week-ends or days where I will not even go out of the house...  I thank G-D that this is not so often.

I have recently acquired a piano, and have to once again stress the importance of music. Playing the piano really helps me relieve RID. Especially classical music, due to its phenomenal depth, has a very strong effect on me. 

Today is day 2.

great to see you back!

i envy your ability to play music. and its really good that you can relieve stress through playing the piano.

stay here, post as much as you can. you can post some concerto's as well.

I had a couple of rough days - I easily become irritated when not seeing friends. My goal for this week is to avoid eating food while on the computer - e.g. cut down on my computer-time because I like to eat

I thank-you for your encouragement ZemirosShabbos; I indeed thank my parents a lot for introducing me to this type of music early on. I am sure you have the possibility to do music as well! Don't listen to those guys who keep on saying you have to start playing the violin when your 2 months old if you want to learn it. That is, if you deem age a problem If there are other restraints, already listening to your favorite type of music will surely help. Just close your eyes and let the music tell you a story.

Perhaps I will post some music - just have to pluck up the courage to post the mediocre abuse of the piano I produce :D

Day 1.

Sounds great!

I would point out something, though - while i agree that acting out is often, to a large extent, a symptom, to deal with the issues, you need to get clean. It's very difficult to deal with the issues fully and properly while feeding your addiction.

You are right on the point - silent! Although it seems to be a bit of a catch-22 right? To be clean one needs to improve, to improve one needs to be clean... I recently had a 15 day streak, fell on the week-end and am now hoping that this day, day 1, will be the first on a long, long journey. My silence on this forum was due to a holiday.

P.S: Are there phone-calls over skype? Calling to America from Europe is a bit expensive for me. In other words I'd like to join a call.

Hey someone can't sleep in europe

For calling america, I'd offer a couple of suggestions, others here can offer more, perhaps. You can look into getting google voice, where you can call from your computer. A second option is magicjack, which costs about $20 a year, has unlimited calling in north america, and can be used anywhere in the world.

As far as your catch-22, we are able to get clean, one day at a time. learning to appreciate it and use that sobriety is part of our growth.