What an amazing soul!!

Thank-you Reb Guard! If I would see your soul, I would be blinded by its bright light!  8) (Hence the sunglasses!)

Day 2, and though I have spent a long time on the computer, I have not slipped today. But it is still tough since I need to get a project done till tomorrow and it seems like I will have to work the night through. To add to it I am (physically) sick at the moment. Oh well, with HaShems help it will seem like a holiday!

Someone,

It is inspiring to read your feelings as you return to yourself after your fall. If you need any support tonight, make sure to let us know! I can totally relate to the feelings of stress as I am studying for exams and a lot of the information is on the computer. I'm also finding it difficult to focus, which doesn't help at all. I like how you ended off your last post Someone wrote on 23 Aug 2009 14:02:
Great attitude! I hope I get a taste of that holiday as well!

all the best,

Struggle

Hey there Someone,

I'm a newbie myself and i just read through your posts and found them very inspiring,
Your intense honesty with your writing on the forum is invigorating to read.
Congratulations on the filter,
  There is a voice inside us all that says "You can do whatever you want but i'm gonna get you in the end."
  It's the voice that crushes hope. It's a voice that has sent me running for the computer in that state of hopelessness.   
  How did you respond towards that voice? We fight it but often we feel scared by it, and it festers and causes anxiety.        We don't feel safe.   
  Can we really fight off these powerful waves? What about when we are stressed? That's like fighting off a foe with your hands tied behind your back!
  The filter gives you a different response to that voice. You have a shield.
May it serve you well, Hero!

Thank-you for your replies! Struggle, I am beginning to feel an ever-so-slight little tug. It is however on a very little flame - my whitelist filter acts as an extinguisher! I am at the moment nearing the 12th hour of consecutive work. Another 3 to 4 hours to come. Not to forget the little higher temperature I had earlier, already a lack of sleep and a general aching: head-ache, sore throat, muscle pains. Swineflu? Perhaps (but B"H a mild version). Three hours of sleep for me this night I think.

But I still feel mentally in a good mood! A mental holiday then! Hope you had your share as well 

Eden I humbly bow down, your posts are poetic and so inspiring! It is a joy to read them, keep 'em coming The whitelist filter really has another response to this little voice!

Hope everyone is doing well ! May HaShem be with this holy community!

Day 3 starts in around 5 minutes.

Well, Someone, we can tug you right back! That's great that the filter is doing its work and that you're aware of it. I use K9 and I find it helpful to be aware that it is there, because it reminds me of what I want to be focusing on and where I'd like to be and, of course, what I should stay away from, on and off the computer.

Swineflu?! C"V!!! Feel better! And treasure the sleep that you do get and all of the productivity you have been able to be involved with! Good night!

The filter is still helping, and luckily I do not need to spend more time than absolutely necessary on the computer this night. The flu, or whatever it is, is already wearing off a little I think: add the hopefully long sleep of tonight and Ill be fine tomorrow morning.

On the other hand, with the stress suddenly gone for a short time: I feel empty and distant to everything. Sort of depressed. I would like to learn how to focus on the best parts of life instead of waisting my time focusing on the bad stuff! Day 3, and I have not experienced major struggles yet.

Thank-you for your help and encouragement! It is more important than you can imagine I think!

Day 4 - doing rather fine. But felt some urges today. Could someone tell me how to say "HaShem, please help me!" in Hebrew? The phonetics rather than the "real" letters... my skills in Hebrew don't go very far past the aleph !

I am feeling more distant to HaShem at the moment. Usually this was so before a fall. I pray and try and keep Him constantly in my thoughts. I also read a little Torah every day (online). What should I do more? What can I do more? Or is it just that all my sins that I have done are blocking the connection for now?

DO A GOOD DEED

GO IN THE PATH OF HASHEM

CALL A VOLUNTEER ORGANIZATION OFFER YOU TIME TALENT YOUR SMARTS

BY GIVING OF YOURSELF YOU ARE  GOING IN HASEMS WAY

bardichev

You may not realize it, but you are closer to g-d than you think.
  This conflict that you wrestle with is the culmination of human creation.
Not insignificant.

  A practical suggestion? Read the GYE texts. They are speaking to us.

With unconditional support.
Eden

Dear someone or another,

Chizuk e-mails 551 through 553 on this page talk about the "outward focus muscles"... Have a look.

Thank-you for your input my dear holy friends and mentors! You say the same, doing things for others and while doing it not thinking about oneself. One of the most beautiful act of a human being in my opinion. I am trying to work on that, but it is a lot harder than I ever imagined. Reb Guard, the e-mails talk about keeping discussion 99 percent about the other one; how much it made me realize how me-focused so many of my discussions were. I have been a self-centered, often cold, person. Thanks to this site and every-one here I will try and change it!

Eden, I hope I can become close with HaShem. Paradoxically (or maybe not), I feel the most connection to HaShem when I ask him for forgiveness straight after my fall. Day 5 - and somehow I feel a block - a stopper, just as if He wouldn't be "talking" with me. But again - when focusing on this, one is self-centered and so maybe one should just go over it and instead pray that others may have a close connection with HaShem?

Today I had some serious urges - couple with some setbacks. One of them including  getting to know that around 70 percent of the 17 hour work-shift of last Sunday were for naught. Plus the many hours (or even days) of work put into it before that. Felt so bottled up and angry and depressed and despaired and disappointed .... without the filter who knows what would have been written here instead!

But I know HaShem has His reasons, and even while working I learned a lot. I instead should thank Him giving me an opportunity to make my work (even) better. So thank-you HaShem!! And all of you as well!

/SO

Your writing is so positive.
  You speak of incredible acts of strength and caring.
By speaking of these ideals you embody them.
  By valuing them you start to attain them.

  When time goes by. The imprint of the vivid pains of the fall go away, along with much inspiration, and we lust. Then we think we are farther away from g-d. That's what we think.
  You say you want to become close with hashem. To me that means you want to realize how close we already are to hashem.
  How close he is to you.

Ill respond later a little longer. I found a way to deactivate my filter!!! I already fell ... sort of. Again the old sliding and slipping... I better get off the computer!

Someone wrote on 02 Jul 2009 06:48: