mazel tov UAJ and thanks for sharing.

i can learn a lot from your attitude and your awareness.

KUTGW!

Shkoyach.  I am pretty sure I need and should thank you a lot more than you thanking me. 
Continued Hatzlacha!

In celebration of my half-year anniversary, I just signed-up and installed webchaver.  Long overdue, but better late than never.

I learned  several lessons today for which I am grateful to Hashem.  First, I'm glad I have a belt (filter) and suspenders (webchaver) on my computer since while I only went to the kosher isle and watched some "frum" approved videos I see how it whet my appetite from something more and gets me into this mind-numbing state which is the precursor to acting act.  Indeed, I had that sort of naseuous-like inner feeling that I used to get when I would go into auto-pilot acting out mode.  Since it would take too long to even figure out how to "safely" act out I wasn't really tempted.  But that feeling that I had inside of me on my way home was not one that I welcome back.  Second, I need to have my weekly phone-meetings.  Since that at least gets me working on the program and helps me get a little more focused to do my real job.  Thaankfully, it is starting again next week.  Third, I need Guard to start a website www.stopwastingtimeandstartworking.com.  Well that's it for tonight.

BH still sober.  I had an interesting incident and lesson this morning.  I was in the grocery shopping for my wife (what else do we do on a day off) and I'm going through the list and they didn't have one of the things.  I called my wife's cell no answer, called the home phone no answer, continued shopping called again still no answer.  Meanwhile I'm getting annoyed.  Here I am doing the shopping I have a question to help her and she's not picking up the phone.  I realized that it was my ego at work, like "how can she not take my calls.  So on the way home I told myself why don't you make a list of innocent reasons why she wasn't picking up the phone.  So I made this mental list, coming up with 5 different reasons why she may not have picked it up.  I walk into the house and there is my wife sitting in the corner davening, which never even made it onto my list.

Thank you Hashem for this valuable lesson.

beautifull

See that? Religion even messes up shopping!

UAJ! Ur memos to hashem are very nice
Kot

Very rough weekend and past few days and the lust issues are certainly still here.  On the positive side I'm still clean.  And, I was reading a story in this weeks Mishpacha which opened with the following paragraph:  "People will do anything to resolve a problem, no matter the cost in money, exertion, or time.  Only when all else fails do they say, in despair, "Okay, let Hashem do whatever He wants."  Why not say that at the start of those efforts?"  Well at the conclusion of a very rough night, I finally turned to Hashem and asked him to help me.  I didn't ask him to "do whatever He wants" I begged and pleaded with Him for something very specific.  And, He answered.  Plain and simple.  Its like we have this secret powerful weapon and we (or I) don't realize how truly marvelous it is. 

UAJ, Your last couple of posts, the one about shopping and your wife davening, and the one about RBSO, Shel OYLAM specifically answering your prayers.  Just beautiful posts.  so helpful.

I forget.  If he's the Reboynoh shel OYLAM, surely he can pull off a little miracle for us.  Uh...maybe he's always pulling off little miracles and I can't notice.  Like in Modim.

Thanks for checking in on me.  You teach us all about keeping it real.

That was a beautiful post about how you came up ways to be dan lekaf zchus.

Thank you Hashem for webchaver and for saving me today. I had to look up a witness today. In the past I would have checked out some dangerous sites (rationiling it with i'll go on the site and if its a problem i'll no doubt quickly close it - yeah right). But knowing that someone was looking over my shoulder helped remove the temptation and natural impulse.  Resulting in BH another successful day.

ur a jew

i've read your initial post here
i literally cried
a deep cry from the bottom of my heart
oh how i wish i should just be there where you are
a cry so deep inside ne, help me hashem

you are sooooooooo perfect (dont say no its not true)
be proud of yourself

thank you for inspiring me
you turned me into pieces

will i get there one day?
help me hashem i should


how did you got rid of all this garbedge?????


_{i'm still crying}

im not alone wrote on 06 Jan 2011 06:58:


I'm Not Alone, it was with mild amusement (despite your crying) and irony that I read your post. As I was writing my post last night I was thinking I should probably change my name to Jewish Faker 2 (there already is a Jewish Faker on the site) and then I read your post in which you've gone off the deep end insisting I was perfect. So why the divergent views. In my mind I feel like I'm just faking. Because if I wasn't how is it that:
1.  I totally lost my sanity (but thankfully not my sobriety - although not sure if that's an oxymoron) when my wife didn't want to have sex with me last week.
2.  I have yet to give my k-9 password to the filter gabbai.
3.  I didn't admit to myself or someone else that the only reason I was doing the search yesterday was because I was hoping I would find something that I shouldn't want to find.
4.  I don't do the step-work that I committed to do.

I can go on and on.

Perfect.  Originally, I was going to say if you want perfect look at some of the gedolim on the site.  But it would be a mistake to say that.  Because they are not perfect either.  And that I believe is one of the important steps to sobriety.  Recognizing that we are not perfect and never will be perfect.  To use Steve's (and I have to say this -- corny) moshul, we are all pickles and we won't be cucumbers anymore.  But its okay to be a pickle.  Some may say even better.  If we are aiming for perfection we will never get there and it makes it so much easier to slip and fall.

In reality, we are both wrong.  I'm not perfect and I'm not a faker.  I'm just a guy trying to stay sober and with the help of G-d, I've managed to do so for over 200 days.  What tomorrow or later today holds, I don't know.  But I know that the past 200 days is something that I will always have no matter what happens tomorrow.  And I also know that as faker as I sometimes feel it sure beats where I was.

So thanks for the kind words.  Hatzlacha rabba and I hope to shortly find your thread.

wow
beautifully put

sorry, maybe my post (and cry) last night came out of depression

I admire you not only because you are sober for 200 days
its much more than that
you have taken out the garbage of your daily life, no youtube/facebook etc.

be proud of yourself

your chusid