Been very very busy with work. Just knowing that if I drop out of sight for a little bit a whole team of friends will reach out to make sure that I'm okay is one of the wonderful aspects of the GYE forum. Thank You Hashem and Guard for this wonderful place.

glad to hear you are ok and thanking Hashem!

Boruch for Shabbos, I really needed it.  And Boruch Hashem for an understanding wife this weekend, I really needed that too.

Saw two wonderful divrei torah from Reb Zilberstein (my rebbi who I've never met) on Parshas Ki Sisa (in Borchi Nofshi), .  If I had time I would translate and copy them over word for word since they are so fundamental.  The first one I saw is on getting up after a fall.  In essence Reb Zilberstein says that the measure of a man is what he does after a fall.  He brings down a story with Reb Yonason Eibshitz who was once sitting learning in his house late one Shabbos night.  Suddenly he hears a noise and sees two feet coming down the chimney followed by the rest of the body.  The would be robber is stunned when he sees Reb Yonason standing there.  Reb Yonason turns to him saying, no doubt you have come to ask me a shaileh and when you found the front door locked you came down the chimney.  What's your shaileh?  The person turns to Reb Yonason and says, I have one question, "how does one get out of here?"  That says Reb Zilberstein is the question we have to ask ourselves when we fall.

Got to go know.  But I will attempt to write over the rest shortly.

That story was great!! Thanks!

PS...how are you? Been a while....

So Reb Zilberstein continues the possuk says death and life are in the hand of the tongue.  Presumably the possuk should have said life and death are in the hand of the tongue. Answers Reb Zilberstein that the possuk is referring to one  who fell "he died" the way back to "life" is through the tongue. For example you acted not nicely to your wife, you got into a disagreement with her. Are you going to obstinately stick to your stance and dig a deeper whole or are you going to apologise. In GYE terms I think the tongue referred to in the possuk is to regain life by reaching out to a sponsor or a chaver coming clean and out of isolation.
B"H Dov I'm doing great but really busy.

In other words, he is saying that giving up my entrenched position - what I hold very dear - is like dying. This, I believe, is how the Chofetz Chayim teiches Odom ki yomus ba'ohel - ein divrei Torah miskaymin/niknin elle b'mi shemeimis es atzmo aleihem. He says one must pretend that he is dead: Would a dead me be so concerned about more money right now? Stature? kavod? Not really. I'd devalue lots of stuff and not sweat the small stuff. I'd put Hashem first.

Boy, I needed that, thanks. Will have a talk with my sponsor abt this today bl"n.
Great yer doing fine - all the best, chaver!!

While I don't disagree with the fundamentals of what you are saying. I think Reb Zilberstein is saying the opposite. (Then again maybe we are saying the same thing just approaching it from different ends. Either way thanks for the hoarah because it allowed me to see the depth of his words).
One who sticks to his entrenched but misguided positions may from a superficial view appear to be alive but in reality he is dead.  And while giving up those positions may from our superficial vantage point seem to us as if we are killing ourselves. In reality we are doing just the opposite we are gaining life itself. 
To put it in to practical terms when my wife doesn't want to have sex with me and I view that sex as my lifeline and without "loma li chaim."  I think that I am alive. But in reality I'm not living life. Its only when I let go and realize that sex is optional that I can begin to move on and start living life.
Thank you Hashem for another day and the ability to spend it here on GYE among true Mivakshei Hashem.

thanks UAJ for the beautiful divrei torah!

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 22 Feb 2011 16:05:


This is an echo.

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 22 Feb 2011 16:48:


thanks every single post is so inspiring, really encouraging (enjoyable too )
thans tons

I hope to be back in full force by the end of the week. But until then just wanted to say Hi, thank Hashem for the continued abstinence, the hatzlacha He's given me and for Shabbos. I don't understand how people survive without a Shabbos.
I saw a wonderful chinuch this week. The chinuch has one mitzvah for parshas vayakel that Bais Din is not allowed to kill someone on Shabbos. Says the chinuch the taam of the mitzvah is that Shabbos is a day of menucha even for sinners. Ask yourself this question here's Mr. Murderer he is sitting on death row and they tell him enjoy your shabbos we"re not killing you until sunday. The pshat I believe is that Shabbos is a different dimension. I can be a sinner a murderer or a porn addict but when shabbos comes I'm in a different world and I can leave that all behind and just have menucha. So should one of us c"v slip or fall bear in mind Shabbos is coming.
The truth is I was thinking we don't have to wait for Shabbos.  When we say the yom every day we mention Shabbos. We are supposed to bring Shabbos into every day of the week. The next time you say hayom yom ___ bshabbos think that Shabbos is coming, I'm going to be spending it with Hashem and it will be a day of menucha for one simple reason: He loves me and that love knows no bounds. If we stop and think about it for two minutes its got to make a difference (I figure maybe I"ll even get the day right) no matter how low we are feeling at that moment. Thank you Hashem for Shabbos and for GYE.

hi UAJ,
thanks for checking in with such a beautiful post
continued hatzlocha

Heard a wonderful vort from Rabbi Yudin this morning that is particularly relevant to the addict.  One of the root causes of the egel was impetuousness, the bnei yisroel wanted instant gratification.  Which is usually the problem of the addict as well. We can't see to tomorrow. If our wives are not satisfying us now we can't see past that and that tomorrow is another day. Or if we are down we need some porn to lift us up immediately. The mishkan was meant to teach us that good things come in their time. The mishkan was finished in record time in just two and half months (day after Yom Kippur until Chanuka). But to teach bnei yisroel this lesson it was not dedicated until three months later in Nissan. 
Thank you Hashem for a wonderful week and for Shabbos.

beautiful vort, thanks
have a great shabbos

I had a wonderful but scary thought on Shabbos. We are now probably on the third cycle in recent times were Mikee night would be Friday night historically an issue. Well things are going really well and the wife is giving it a go.  Obviously I am very appreciative and I have told her as much. There was an issue whether it would actually work but as I was walking to shul Shabbos morning I thought to myself you know even if it doesn't work out the very fact that my wife is willing to go ahead with it made me so happy that it wouldn't bother me that much if it didn't work out. It then hit me what was really going on. Its not the sex so much that I'm after its the need to be loved and the desire to have my wife do my will that I want. Once she gave me that I was happy. Sure I want to have sex but that's not really what's going on.  If it was only about sex it would be no problem to push it off a day. I know I'm going to get it. But deep down that was not enough.  The real issue is a control and gaavah issue and that is not satisfied by sex a night later. Its a wonderful thought if I keep it with me when the inevitable night arises when we are not on the same page and I can take this realization out of my back pocket and calm myself down. Its scary however because I can convince myself that I'm so right about something when lurking inside me its really my self-interest at work. Thank you Hashem for this wonderful lesson. Please help remove my selfishness from within me. And please let me not forgot this fundamental lesson about the twisted workings of my brain.