today is day 21!very good. went very well. just got home from yeshiva. even if im weak at yeshiva its still easy to control myself (relatively, there is still possibility of hirrhurim) since im in a public place. i will be in yeshiva for rosh hashana and yom kippur so even though the rebbeim do have daughters there. they are very frum (which turns me on) but they "hide" and eat in there own section.

let us all be able to be part of the coronation of the king, hashem, and be inscribed in the book of life filled with torah and mitzvos

today is day 25. rosh hashanah was awesome. i slipped a couple times. with my eyes, but then i controlled them again. now it is the aseres yemei teshuva, its so scary, but remember, hashem is sooooo close to us, we can ask for whatever we want to ask for. im asking hashem for control. im asking hashem to help me live a life of torah and mitzvos.

Soldier,

Sounds like you are doing great. Keep going!

Just keep in my mind that this is war and the enemy NEVER gives up.

Hatzlocho

HashemsSoldier wrote on 12 Sep 2010 18:59:

ימלא ה' כל משאלות לבך לטובה

and the bullets are whizing by every second!

No time to be off guard.

keep it up!

ok. so i was in yeshiva all day today and im doing good. (btw day 26) and i went through the whole day. bad news i just had a hirrhur and a desire to M***** good news, im soooo soooo soooo tired so im hoping to fall asleep quickly. hashem please help me make it through tonight. tommorow is not my goal, tonight is my goal. im pushing hard. goodnight all my dear friends

today is the end of day 27. in IL you only need 3 years of social studies and im a junior and took 2 years already of it and next year everyone take jewish history so that takes care of that. so i dropped out of economics today to take a beis medresh period. we only have a couple days until sukkos vacation so i am just doing halacha with a friend. i want to find a chavrusa to learn through the mesechta that our yeshiva is doing to finish it. (pesachim). so that is added kedusha to my day. during ap bio i had a thought and since then every once in a while i got it again and again. then i got home and saw on my email a beutiful letter (i poseted it on this website. its called AN IMPORTANT LETTER FOR EVERY JEW or something like that.) it gave me chizuk but im still fighting againt my thoughts

27 is the gematria of Zach, as in shemen zayis zach. The PURE oil that illuminates the world with kedusha!!!

HS, you are an inspiration!
i wish i had your clarity, determination and level-headedness.
keep up the great work you are doing

and 28 (todays day) is koach, strength. so even though i almost lost today many times with my eyes, i still pulled out the power of koach.

i justhad a slip with my eyes. i spent the last hour looking on the internet trying to get around my filter. it didnt work (no p***) but i did end up seeing pics of girls. i know what website i went to, so tommorow ill need to have my partner add it to my filter. i feel bad. aspecially cus its aseres yemei teshuva. but im trying to forget it ever happened so i dont think about it now and fall even more.

HashemsSoldier wrote on 16 Sep 2010 03:49:

HS I want to tell you what I think.

B"H until now you have been incredible, but you have also been on a high. The Y"H allows you to do that. It is his way of numbing you. This is where things might get tough. Just be careful and look for new strategies. I would suggest that you don't "just forget what happened". Instead try and learn from it (but don't make to much of a deal out of it).

I wish you Hatzlocho with all my heart.

Soldier this is your test - and remember even the Y"H wants you to win.

today is day 30. its exciting. sometimes the yetzer comes and tells a person you cant handle that, guarding yourself for the rest of your life? thats a long long time. so you just have to say, im not guarding myself for the rest of my life, im guarding myself jsut for today. its hard to do tell yourself this, and even when you do remember to tell yourself this, it doesnt stop you, but it does take a lot of tension off of yourself. had a good yom kippur, hatzlacha to everyone!
gemar chasima tova

today is 32. i feel clean and pure after going through yom kippur. i had a wet dream on yom kippur though, at first i was saying to myself im impure, i said this is not a good start to the holiest day of the year, but i puashed myself, i told myself that i didnt have any hirhurim that caused it, i decided that it meant that since this time I didnt do anything to cause it, hashem is telling me that all of my previos ones are now considered as it it was an ones and not my fault.

now, lets get ready to build some succahs!!

i wouldnt worry about it, bh hashem your doing excellent!

today is day 34. yesterday and today was not so good. i spent tim trying to get around my internet filter and BH i did not succeed  but i did find some websites a yid should not be on. bh i did NOT have a fall, but i did "trip" and catch myself. last night and today i started the action and before anything happened i stopped myself. sometimes when i get that "rush" and i start acting on my lust and i try stopping myself, its like i have no control, its like im just there watching my yetzer harah using my body  but i cant control myself, and in my head i keep saying no no no no no but i just cant stop. does anyone know what im talking about?