Yes, it's completely normal, and it happens. I found that when I started out, coming from a state of far too frequent fantasizing, when I stopped doing it myself it just happened at night by itself. Don't worry about it too much. If you keep abstaining they will get less and less frequent.

thanks Ano and UAJ. i usually just say shema and hamapeil but ill try to start saying more. i think its famous from the arizal that saying krias shema al hamitah is a tikkun for pegam habris also.
shemiras eynaim is starting to get harder. i also had a big nissayon with a fantsy today.
its hard to do this. i think everyone here will agree with me. the yezter is a jirk. hes trying to make me think "wow this is how i have to act the rest of my life? in fear of walking down the street and seeing something and losing my mind?" hes trying to send thoughts into my head
i keep responding no! its just for today my goal is today today today. who cares if i have a fall tomorrow?? tomorrow is NOT in my control but the present IS in my control.

thats what i have to say for right now

HS! I just read through ur entire thread now, and I'm inspired by how much courage u have to fight that battle, I didn't have that strength @ ur age, ur devotion to hashem is incredible , remember the reward is. Based on the pain it takes to overcome, just remember 1 day at a time, this is what all sfurim stress out very much when it comes to a battle with our famous monster the ugly YH, remember he does his job, and u will tell him, hey bro how r u? Sorry but my job is to compete with u, and I aint speaking with u, go get a life, and if a full day is too much just go hour by hour, and u feel an urge, just close ur eyes and start crying to hashem to help u, believe me crying helps I do that quite often these days, I find it a very healthy outlet, so keep up ur guard and let us know how u r doing and we will all be here for u
Good night my holy jewish brother

HashemsSoldier- i also just caught up on your thread. your dedication is amazing. i'm just 2 years older than you so seeing how much you put into this battle is very inspirational. keep up the great work!

thanks JIP!
thanks shlomo! well i have put a lot of effort into this fight. and as ive said, this time in in it to win it.

ok so who knows 9? i know 9! 9 is the months of pregnancy. WRONG!  9 is the number of today in my battle. all i can say is wow! the last time i had 9 days was a long time ago. its very emotional.
so today in the morning i went to a bris. it was hard to control my eyes i tried looking down at the floor. but wow was it hard. the guy is one of the more well know people in the community= a lot of people=a lot of women=a lot of yetzer haah poking me.BUT there was a lot of me poking pack. poking very hard in the chest hurting him. ok its true that i had a couple falls but in the end. i still had times where i controled myself. and arn't we as addicts supposed to look at the good? ok i looked at what i shouldnt have looked it ok i need to work at that but at the same time, i had a couple times where i controled myself, wow. thats what we are supposed to say right?

today was very busy and tomorrow will also be busy so.....ich daf gaien shlofen.....i need to go to bed!
hatzlacha to all of us.
p.s. when is guard getting home? im dieing to hear about his trip/ meet him!

How appropriate that that you had this experience at a bris!

A bris is machlish the koach of taavah

You were machlish the koach of your taavos!!!


The ultimate Shemiras kedushas hayesod!!!

i like that. i didnt think about that.
so at the bris today i was off and on. i did have trouble controlling myself. at some parts i was overcome and other times i overcame my yetzer. i know that for now since im at the beginning (really the beginning of the end) as the days pass its going to get harder and harder. im scared for that. but i know that the feer is the yetzer. my avodah is now. now now now. i dont know the definition of later. what does later mean? it sounds stupid. if i am involved in the now, and i cant get to later until.........later,  then why worry about it? but at the same time, at the back of my head there is a thing that is called the yetzer and it is the opposite with him. he says what does now? he ONLY know what later and before means. i feel bad for him, hes missing out on the good parts of life  ......

so even though all that i said, its still hard. im trying to only live now for the most part im successful. my goal is to go 90 days w/o p*** or m******* so i did have a SLIP but i did not fall. and im still on my adventure to 90 days!

if anything doesnt flow in this post or in any future post of mine. its cus i just right about what i feel so its easy to go from one thing to the next thing to the next 

HashemsSoldier wrote on 25 Aug 2010 23:40:
Wow! He lives in the front of my head. 


BTW, I heard that at a Bris is an opportune time to ask Hashem for help in Shemiras Habris, in staying tahor.

today is 10. the urge is here. as im typing this something strange is happening. let me say what is happening and any1 can give me feedback. this is all happening back and forth every 5 secs. i start to think about my desire/urge then i tell myself no i cant this is all the yetzer but then i say ok who cares if its the yetzer, he makes life feel so good. but its not true, its not true happiness.      it goes back and forth like that. not exactly in those terms. sometimes my mind goes back and forth before even finishing the complete thought. (im not crazy. its just hard to explain, unless this happens with other people too, then they will understand).

its so hard. im getting emotional. midrash says that when we were warned about arayos we cried. i could cry any sec. only the other addicts here know what im going through, any person i talk to in real life dont know. i really dont want to M or look at P or women on the street. but i do want to but i dont want to but i do want to, it goes back and forth. its torture. its painful.
but we have to stengthen ourselves. we get strong off of pain. we live from this pain. hashem cries teers of joy for this pain.
we all know the story about the angel fighting yaakov. he needed to go sing to hashem. why would he fight the night before he needs to sing, isnt that not smart? rather since yaakov overcame him he fulfilled a mission and when angels fulfil a mission they sing to hashem. the satan doesnt want us to sin. he wants us to pass but he needs us to be able to be enticed. so from this i will continue......the yetzer gets joy from my pain!!!!!!! the satan gets joy from my pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the jewish nation gets joy from our pain because this is what brings mashiach tzidkainu bimhairah biyamenu!

this was emotional to write. im full of emotion. when was the last time i made it to 10? a long time ago. harder Q: when was the last time i made it to 10 and even though i was weak i still strengthened myself? maybe never.
thank you to everybody

i understand you

i recently saw an ad for the MARINES

it read

"pain is fear leaving the body"


my good freind

I really want to welcome you to the feelings most non-addicts have

there is fear,anger,happiness,joy,dejection,guilt,pride,shame,apprehension, etc etc etc

addicts don't deal with feelings

all success and failure have the same reaction P#&N P*%N and moreP*&N

sorry but its true

been there done that

now you are breaking free

you are staring to "feel"

what people feel

yes its the YH leaving you

my good chaver

i went 90 days cold turkey

no slips no falls

(my slips and falls are well documented in bardichevs battle)

it was hard

it was



but it is do-able

main thing is be besimcha

the YH hates happiness

be happy!!!

bardichev

All I can say is that I wish I had your clarity of thought and a site like this when I was your age. You're doing great pain and all. Keep it up.

thanks B and UAJ
today is day 11. who know eleven? i know eleven! its the number of stars that bowed down to yosef.
as i make it longer i realize more and more. i realize that i have it. hashem doesnt give us a test that we cant handle. we have it. we have victory. we just need to bring it into actuality. my shul has a balcony for the women. and its easy for som1 to stand facing sideways and sneak some peaks. there are a group of girls that go to daven during the week at shul. i learnt something new which isnt new its just something that i finally put it into actuality. dont fight the yh. wehn you fight it he can very well win. what you do is you ignore him. he is that annoying person that keeps doing stupid stuff and wants attention. what do you do in a case like that? you leave. the yh was annoying me to look at the girls by davening today. what did i do? i left him alone to realize that what he does is stupid. i went to a place where i cant look at them. i went up to daven for the amud. a place where it is impossible for me to look (not impossible but harder.) there arnt any chiyuvim at my minyan so i went up. as i said tehhilem at the end, they were already on there way out. so by the time i wanted to look, i couldnt!

hey B. i cant beleive you missed your catchphrase! you didnt tell me to keep trucking. so now i have to incorperate it into my next part.

so here we are again, shabbas. im scared. we are invited to a BM . im scared cus i know that there will be plenty of girls there. but who needs fear? as B said happiness is what we need. fear and sadness and anything like that is a waste of my time and wont help me get any better
im 16 years old so i have my license. stop signs are annoying, i dont want to stop, i want to get to where im going.
so i just have to keep driving. if i loose control of my eyes, ok i hit a stop sign, who cares? yes it slowed me down a bit and i dont like stop signs/going slow. but its not the end of the world. i just need to make sure that i dont get distracted by the stop and to not think "o i could have been there already" ok  i hit a stop sign, who cares just keep driving!!!!!! a gut shabbas. today is busy i might check back here later but maybe not. but have a great shabbas full of growth!!!
 

oy
shabbas (and now) is day 12.
i had a very difficult shabbas. so i explained earlier about my shul, by mincha and maariv friday night i did very well controlling my eyes. but we were invited out shabbas meal. they have 2 girls.its was very difficult. for the most part i was able to control my thoughts, but i still had trouble controlling my eyes. then by lunch, it got worse. i was at a bar mitzvah ( of one of my friends brothers, and this friend is very modern orthadox, he goes to a co-ed high school) so i got put at the table for all of the friends of the siblings so to start it off, some of the friends were the girls that my friend is friends with. also the sister is pretty good looking. oy. so i had an extremly hard time controlling my thoughts. then i went to a friends house to hang out for a lil bit. at his house i saw something i shouldnt have seen. i wont say what it was cus some ppl are sensitive. but i will say that there could have been plenty plenty plenty worse things that i saw. but in the end i still saw it (b'shogeg) and it did/does set off my desires. before i left his house to go learn torah i had another chance to go take a quick peak at it, but that time i controlled myself. on the way to shul to go learn i tried very hard to correct my mistakes by looking down only but yet it was still incredibaly difficult.
at shul i got by shalosh sheudas i had an inspiration the ravs drasha didnt even have to do with this topic (directly).  by maariv, i had a very emotional SE and asked hashem to take out of my mind all of the assur things that i saw this shabbas. so here i am. i have these pictures in my mind. here i am trying to cry to hashem. i dont want to fall. but im so tempted. i want to feed my lust. but i also dont. i just wish i could make myself fall asleep right now and not wake up till tomorrow. but im scared if i go into bed my yetzer will have the right conditions. i wish i had holy niggunim to listen to, i usually get inspiration from them. im davening to hashem to save me.

HS!!

Learn a little gemara and go shluffy


Keep on trucking!!


And keeep away from freinds freinds mothers sisters cats neighbor....


U R  GEVALDIGGGG!!

Bardichev

HS you are unbelievable. I hate to admit that when I have been through things like you described above I just gave in. You make me realise that it is possible. Keep strong!