Wow! I know what fire you are talking about cuz i used to act out there frequently. In an interesting turn of events, I now daven midday mincha daily right on the very next street over from those 'establishments', that were damaged in the fire. Hashem really has a wonderful sense of humor. I laugh on the way back to work every time I notice the rotating and flashing lights of those 'establishments'. Sometimes being in recovery is like living in a dream....

...hayinu kecholmim. Oz yimalei s'chok pinu!

hi anongye,

121 days is gevaldig!

you are a red-blooded human being and have urges. is that news to you? shouldn't be. you win some battles, you lose some battles. you stay in the game. remember that we cannot become perfect in 90 days, 180, 360, 12154654, etc. we are looking for progress. and that you have in abundance. learn from the experience and move on.

airplane movies is a tough challenge. i think our favorite rebbe - the bardichever - once proposed shmearing peanut butter on your glasses. . hey, it works!
if you have a portable DVD player maybe bring along a kosher dvd for you to watch with your own headphones and beat him at his own game...

thanks for checking in

135 is awesome!

and thanks for the thanks

being scared for your future is a good thing, in my opinion. we all need to be scared for our future. otherwise we will quickly become roadkill.

the key is to move from being scared into doing something about it. maybe put on webchaver at work, or yishmoreini or something similar.

Rebbe Nachman famously said that this world is like a narrow bridge and it most definitely is scary, we might fall off at any time. but the most important thing is not to be 'scared' at all, meaning that although we need an awareness of the possibility of falling off we cannot allow that worry and fear to overwhelm our mind. we need to keep on trucking and dealing with the fear. not to sit trembling in the corner. (i am talking to myself more than to you).

keep up your great work, you are moving and shaking things up there in Shomayim and down here on earth with your avodah
gevaldig

You've gotta do what you need for your own recovery.

Focus on how good it feels to be clean, every day!

hi anongye,
just be careful who you send PM's to, some weird characters on GYE lately... :D
it's great to open up and post and connect with others who struggle with the same thing you do. as far as i know 'group support' is part of every recovery system.
keep on connecting
zs

anongye wrote on 30 Mar 2011 17:08:


Hey!  Don't discount me!

I am watching too!!!!


Just because I don't post here every day means I am blind??

Guard strongly recommends the Taphsic Method.

You can try a modified version too, if you think that it is too hard to undertake the way he formulated it.

If you must watch pornography, try to set some guidelines:

1.) Permitted only on nights above 100 degrees fahrenheit in NYC - December through February only.

2.) Permitted only on days below zero degrees fahrenheit in NYC - June through August only.

You get the picture.  If it means so much to the y"h, he can try to manipulate things accordingly.

Or not SOOO extreme.

Pick exactly what you want to see.


Now take a plane ride to another city.


Spend your 10 minutes.....



Go back home.



(Don't forget the Mikva!)






Isn't this what Chazal advise for the guy who CANNOT withstand the urge. Who MUST do it?

Yeileich l'mokom sh'ein makirim osso... & do the deed.

Hi Hoping!!
Reb Yid here.
I don't think we have actually met. (Ok. fine. I haven't actually met anyone on the site. But you get the point.) I have been following you for a little while now, but with guys like Yosef, and Zemi, and Kedusha chiming in, I didn't think my advice would be worth much. But after reading what they all wrote, I guess I was wrong. You could definitely use some of my advice!!! (Being that you don't yet know me - ie. first parenthesis - I must interject here that I have a strange sense of humor, so just try to get used to it.)

Anyway, I haven't had a chance to read through your entire thread, and so there are some questions I'd like to ask for clarity purposes, before offering my one cent. (The economy is so bad, it is no longer 2 cents!)

1) Are you on the 90 day chart? If not, why not? If yes, how far are you?
2) Have you defined for yourself in your own mind, what you would consider "allowed", what is a "slip", and what is a "fall"? I understand that there are standard rules, but I think it wise to customize them.
3) What have you done, what steps have you actually taken towards becoming more "lackluster"? (Like that new expression guys? Next time somebody tells you that you have a lackluster personality, say thank you and make a Lechaim!!)
4) Do you have a plan how to occupy your time and your mind in a Kosher way, when the urge hits to do it in an unkosher way?

These are just some things to think about. If you'd like to post replies to these questions, please be honest and go ahead. If you would rather PM me, that's fine too. And if you choose to ignore all I have just written, I promise you that as a Rebbe it would NOT be the first time I was ignored!!

Hatzlocha Raba!!

Hey Anongye,
1) I hope you are staying on the 90 day chart. Just because you fell, doesn't mean you can't start right up again.
2) As a Rebbe, I have many systems set up for discipline for many years already. Yet, if in one year, or one class, or one period, it isn't working, I must rethink it, and change it up so it can be more effective. Just because something works in general, or has worked in the past, does not mean it will work now in the current situation. So I think that if you are continuously falling, but you have been able to stay clean for extended periods of time in the past, it would tell me that you have the ability, but your methodology needs revamping. Sometimes if we allow ourselves too much leeway, it can go too far and cause us to lose control. That was really the thought process behind the Harchokos by Hilchos Niddah. It also clearly mentions there that if there is a certain permissible behavior that is difficult for you, and tends to cause you to get dangerously close to Aveira, then you should add that to your own personal list of Harchokos. Please think about this, and try to define for yourself which small seemingly innocent enough behaviors may be causing you to go too far, and work on a way to curtail them as much as you can.
3) I guess I should leave the jokes out of a serious post. What I meant was: What real steps have you taken to help rid yourself of your dependency on porn? (That's where I got the word lackluster from - lack lust. Get it? Oh never mind. There I go again.........) Have you tried the 12 steps, SA groups, therapy, anything else? Wanting to change, and talking about change, and hoping for change, DON'T bring about change without taking real steps towards change. (Just ask our president!!) I know you have taken steps in the past, because you have been admirably successful at staying clean for a long period of time. But what are you doing now?
4) Brushing up on Taharas Hamishpacha is a wonderful idea. But it will not help you when the urge to fall hits!!! You need to get yourself an enjoyable alternative that can distract you long enough to allow yourself the time to overcome the urge. For example - Sifting through GYE's "Just having fun" section. Playing a hand held electronic game. (I prefer chess just because when my mind is engaged in chess, it's hard to think of porn. But that's just me.) Watching an old Abbot and Costello skit. Things like that which are harmless, but yet distracting and enjoyable enough to help us get by during difficult times.

Please forgive me for giving advice, especially when I am not aware of all you have done in the past and all you have been through. If there is anything here that can help you, great! And if not, just know that there is another Yid out there that cared enough to take the time to try!!!

Hatzlocha!!

Here's a little Shabbos gift for you, and all GYEers.

If you have the urge to watch a video online, try this one. Over and over again.
Hatzlocha!!!

Reb Yid wrote on 01 Apr 2011 17:59:


Is the slap at the end of the video where Reb Yid's avatar got the black eye?

No. Actually it's from years and years of training with the YH!!!

Hello? I'm insulted!!
I put my 2 cents into this thread, and everybody immediately abandons it!!
What's going on anongye?
I hope all is well.