Removed

anaon-

i assume you have a filter...

dont go to library unless you need to

have a phone near bed to call someone  if you think you are about to fall. I actually fail to do this myself most of the time, but maybe it can work for you!

anongye wrote on 16 Aug 2010 14:30:


Yes.

Not always problems but some sort of underlying uncomfortable feeling. They refer to it as RID= Restless, Irritable,Dis-content.

Please keep on coming back to those calls. If you want to remain anon you can stay on mute and don't introduce yourself. But don't leave it. It's the biggest favor in the world you can do for yourself. Please brother...Please.  As Duvid Chaim would say- your worth it!

Going on my own is the biggest mistake I've made.

Keep on posting.

David.

First of all, realize that it's normal. You fantasize about other people - many people do the same. Regardless of who you're fantasizing about, the common factor is that we're trapped by lust - but we don't have to be, and that's why we're here, working, growing. We don't have to be clones of the rest of the world.

Sexual pleasure is certainly enticing, in many ways - both as far as physical pleasure, and the emotional good feeling it gives us. However, you know that there are better things than that - just think of the times you stayed clean, and good it felt. Knowing you could walk tall, proud of yourself, and what you were doing.

And despite the lure, I think you realize that it's an empty pleasure. Somewhere deep down, I think you do feel that. You certainly know it's not worth it. Am I right?

Aaaaand...here's your welcome package!


Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here...

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best - and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"... See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information...

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

Before the handbook people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, someone with a low level addiction wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences", putting in "filters" etc... For the first time ever, this handbook details all the techniques and tools dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now, anyone can read it through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook to the next tools, as the suggestions become progressively more "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not...

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!

david712 wrote on 16 Aug 2010 19:26:
Hatzlocha anongye!

Your username is hard to actually say, but it's nice...

I have a few things to share with you. Be"H they will be of some use:

If you are reaching out for help, I guess it means that you have discovered that your best efforts have not worked. So going it alone - merely with new information - is nice, but it never worked for me. So I can just share that with you, for whatever it is worth. If doing it your way and going it alone works for you, gezinterheit!

But if your best newly informed efforts get you nowhere in the end (again)  you'll discover that soon enough. Then you can always turn to a recovery chevra and to G-d. It will be available as long as there are sick people getting well together.

Another thing. Though of course you may have only shared the tip of the iceberg, much of what you wrote is quite normal. Thoughts like that pass through the minds of many people. If your goal is to become a kadosh and not have 'disgusting thoughts', I understand, but have nothing to share but book-knowledge about it - and I have plenty, from the years when that was my constant struggle. Eventually, though it sounded valiant and holy, it got me nowhere but worse, so I will not go there.

But for me, the thoughts were beyond normal: they were relentless, progressive, invaded many parts of my life, and I followed through with planning and behavior that was slowly and progressively ugly and destructive. I became a frequent liar, a manipulator, and eventually too disgusted with myself to look in a mirror. Really. I eventually broke many boundaries I'd never have believed I'd break. After all, I was a frum yid...I learned Torah! I was spiritual!

And I was also very sick.

So, if your thoughts are only thoughts, look around on this forum for help, get connected with people who are getting healthier - consider staying away from the whiners and from people who just want to talk about how hard it all is. Stick with people talking about the alternatives to our crazy and stupid lust-thinking. People who are focused on how to get open and honest and turn to Hashem and to people when lust 'attacks'.

But if you find yourself lying and having a double life, acting out with your lust and having to lie even more to protect it and cover it up, and you want to be free of the stupid, painful and destructive thoughts and compulsions, (ie, insanity) then I suggest that the 12 steps and Recovery might be for you! And it seems that people who try to go it alone - for whatever reason, good or not - are just trying to remain in control. To still hang on to doing it their own way. Eventually, the lucky ones get hurt badly enough to finally let go and take whatever means necessary to get free. Not necessarily "for Hashem" - but for themselves.

Hatzlocha!!

Wow anongye,

Sounds like youre off to a great start with Hashem's help. You are a true inspiration working on 2 addictions at once. Keep it up and keep us updated.

Kol Tuv!

-Yiddle

anongye wrote on 15 Aug 2010 19:29:


anongye wrote on 22 Aug 2010 14:18:


Anongye, I know of a very strong OA call every morning.  You may want to consider joining that call (or going to live OA meetings).  You probably won't have as many fears joining an OA call as you would an SA call.  The underlying principles are the same for both and the tools you learn from that call can be put to use for both addictions.  If you are interested PM me for more info.

Continued success for sobriety and a healthy recovery on all fronts.

Hey anongye, Where do you get friends like these? Real help, real experience, wow - we are super-'lucky' folks! Just thinking about what you wrote makes me want to call bards up for a round of ASHREINU dancing around the room! You are geshmak!!

im here

have a shot of woodford

I do not know what woodford is, but I find that listening to music helps, as in Yaakov Schwekey on the Arutz 7 jukebox. Rachem Rachem Rachem

http://www.israelnationalnews.com/Radio/Player.htm#1#108

Woodford is a good brand of bourbon. Not super-expensive, but yummy! Compliments of Bards, it's the official drink of GYE, along with 7up. :-)

How you doing there, bro? Find anything you need to keep yourself busy. The key is to not fight the urges, but to just walk away, focus on something else.

Anongye

Just because we are not responding does not mean we are not listening.

Shkoyach on your thread and your posts.  I get chizuk from what you write, and the responses that you inspire!!

Have a G'mar Tov!!!

Shmu

What can you do differently next time?

Is there a way for you to look up news stories on  site without pictures?

The '13 attributes of mercy' begin Hashem Hashem.

Hashem is there for us before we sinned & after we sinned!