Wow thanks for the great answer INSTALLED.

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I havent had internet for a while. It has been BH 12 days with Siyata Dishmaya clean. Im trying to do Teshuvah. I cant really explain but for the first time ever(or since I can remember) I feel I am taking the right path, that feeling that you working on yourself and making progress.

Its now easier BH to control my eyes knowing that I have a lot behind me but its still a great challenge  nevertheless. After Tisha Bav I was feeling a bit depressed(not exactly from the day) and it took a while but I realised it was the work of the YH - dont let him get you down ever!!!.

Ive resolve to now go on the internet every second day. What the YH does is try make you think of youve got so long to go - I have to constantly remind myself one day at a time not losing focus. Its amazing how without Shmutz your mind becomes clearer, youre happier and can grow in Ruchnius much better. Shabbos is coming up- so is the weekend - its a real battle.

Tizkeh Lmitzvot!


Have a Great Shabbos!

Its been quite hectic, I just went to an event were there were many (thousands literally) untziutdik woman. I feel now drained afterwards but I think I just won a huge battle. I kept in my mind what you happen to see you happen to sea but dont look twice. BH I am quite badly short sited so I just took of my glasses and saw a lot less-Thank you Hashem!!!

It is BH today day 14. This is the longest Ive been clean(as far as I can remember) since I started falling. Im trying now to exercise greater self control and discipline in also other areas.

Tizkeh Lmitzvot!

This afternoon I had a slip- I dont consider it to be a fall or to break my count. I was on the internet a little to long and got carried away-some bad website. Does something like this mean I have to restart my count?

I told myself Im going to hld off m* till Mincha. Well Mincha came and the YH ran away but has since then been lurking around. I knew how depressed I would be if I fell and thats whats held me up with Hashems help. Dont get carried away- When a person lets themselves relax a bit and let go he is prone to all type of terrible attacks. I need to keep it real- 1 day @ a time with Siyata Dishmaya!

Today has been really long and hectic. Iv been really really weak, I slipped in shemiras eynayim - WIth Siyata Dishmaya I told myself just wait till this afternoon till you can go on to guardyour eyes forum, And here I am. I think Im strong and hope so. Today is BH day 16. The YH trys to tell me youve done so much and broken a record just relax - youve accomplished a lot and you can do it again - this is the furtherest thing from EMET Hashem gives us a shot, he gives us Siyata Dishmaya and we waste it. Ive got to be strong.

Tonight I will try and remember to have Kavona in Shmoneah Esrae in Modim Anachnu to thank HKBH for saving me and enlightening my eyes to this forum(May they be Zocheh to great things).


Tizkeh Lmitzvot!!!

Ok today was a hectic hectic battle
Hopefully give you details over weekend(dont have time now)
Anyway BH today day 18 - CHAI, I really needed it today.

Tizkeh Lmitzvot

Yedid!!

keep up the great work, your angels are dancing in shomayim!!

OK, I need to relate my experience on thursday - in the afternoon I lost guard and let myself become weak, I then viewed a few tumadik(but not so tumadik sites. During Mincha I was really struggling and prepared to m*. So after mincha I went to m*, but stopped myself before things got to serious and told myself you can m* after midnigt tonight. After learning and Maarir Hashem saved me - As soon as I made the decision not to m* and be strong the YH completely left me, no feeling of regret. I can almost guarantee I walked out that Beis Midrash the happiest man in the world.

Friday afternoon I went on some unappropriate news websites just before Shabbos but BH the internet was very slow and things didnt go to far.

The battle has definately changed. I cant explain its a new type of battle, Ive won control over some territories but the Yetzer Hora is still infiltrating certain weaknesses. I now try go on the internet only every second day for 30 minutes and with Siyata Dishmaya I think it will help alot.

Shabbos was good, but theres still the rest of the weekend left - need to be strong

BH day 20.

Gut vog

Shavuah Tov

Tizkeh Litzvot!

Day 23 Wow!!

I'm glad that you are still holding in there. I started my count a month ago and the YH really exploited my weak points and I fell after 40 days! It's been difficult to get up as I lost my motivation but I'm clean for 3 days so I hope that I'm on my way to a new beginning. TRY TO AVOID SLIPS, I know that they don't count as falls but there will be a fall if you slip (this is my experience). Anyway, best of luck and I hope to see you at the top of the wall in 67 days!

To installed:unfortunately on sunday I did fall - which I think was a result of having those few slips. Sunday morning I went on the internet with good intentions and I ended up going for a bit to long and then fell a few times over the period of a few hours. Its hard for me to write all this.

Anyway on happier notes, I got up at Mincha feeling strong and motivated, and I think I have BH learnt from my mistakes. Its back to day 2. I guess Im happy that I made it 21 days(the furtherest Ive gone since entering this bad cycle)-which is a great step despite my recent fall. And over the few weeks since I started this posting I think I have BH grown immensely in many areas such as Tfilah and Talmud Torah. So yes I am back up and fighting with Siyata Dishmaya.

Tizkeh Lmitzvot!

You are really an inspiration for me! I fell again last night and I'm having such a hard time moving on. My davening is practically a joke and I'm not learning much so I'll try to work on it (it seems to work for you). I also feel that I've learnt a lot about myself during the past month and I hope that we'll overcome this soon!

Hatzlocha!

yedid-nefesh,
your attitude is such an inspiration. great job on making it to 21 days and hatzlacho as you continue your fight!!!

To day is day 4. I had some nice offers from the YH to see untzniusdik woman. At one point I just took off my glasses and shut my eyes. I made it clear to the YH it aint happening. We"ll soon be entering Elul and I think we should all take on ourselves to really strenghthen ourselves even if we BH are doing well.

Ive taken on myself to only go on the internet every 2nd day for 30 minutes. I go on on Tuesday Thursday, sometimes Motzeai Shabbos and Sundays. It has been BH been going very well. I plan on making the time less and less - slowly yet surely.

Tizkeh Lmitzvot!

Here we are Motzaie Shabbos.Its BH day 6. Nothing much to say - it was a good Shabbos. Tommorows a new battle as always.

Gut vog
Shavuah Tov
Tizkeh Lmitzvot

Today was solid - solid learning. Its one week today so I can go into Elul feeling strong BH. Everything is BH smooth. I have to work on serving Hashem Bsimcha

Tizkeh Lmitzvot!

I havent posted in a while so here it goes.

I was unforunatel Nichshol after being clean for Ten days, nevertheless this is a massive achievement - falling on only two days of a month is definatley a massive improvement for me. 3 days later I fell again. Here I am 2 days clean Baruch Hashem.

Today was real rough, I got tempted but a powerful Mashal brought me to my senses: When a fighter plane goes at certain angles and speed due to certain effects on the brain he enters something called a vortex which is seeing up as down and down as up. obviously this is dangerous and the pilot must realise he is in a vortex and go against his vortex.

We unfortunately do sometimes enter these vortexes, we know in a few hours we ll look back and see how wrong we are but at that moment our view gets distorted on what we really want. I realised at the momen I wanted to go look at p* but the thought that in a few hours i ll despise myself and regret it was sobering.

Im soon going to be facing a massive challenge, I dont want to specify details but I know myself to vulnerable. ( you probably all thinking just duck out, its not a reality). Please daven for me ( even just daven now that Yedid_Nefesh be strong dedicated to Torah and be able to face the challenge). I  really really want to win I need all the Siyata Dishmaya I can get.

A quick thought: I realised there are certain things which Hashem did not grant me, he knew I wouldnt be able to manage and therefore limited me. I think now that Im out of vortex THANK YOU SO MUCH HASHEM!!!

Tizkeh Lmitzvot!!!!!!!!!!!!