Hi, After having a serious fall last night I stumbled across this website and decided this is it. When I thought of joining the forum, even then the yetzer tried to convince me by saying its below you, too time consuming- but after reading some of the other posts in this forum I was inspired,and here I am writing my first post.

The most disheartening thing about my latest fall was having gone through Shabbos and the previous day on a real spiritual high-I was learning great and felt real accomplished, but on Motzeai Shabbos I started getting that lazy, you-so-worthless feeling (straight from yetzer hara) and then I slowly got enticed by websites and fell. This moring I missed Shacharit which just adds to the pain.To think I went from such high levels in ruchniyus to the lowest level ever has really brought me down.

I really hope and pray that with siyata dishmaya I will remember and contiue to post, and through this will hopefully overcome this struggle.

Welcome

You will find a lot of identification and shared feelings here.  For me motzei shabbos is always a difficult time emotionally.  My body just goes into automatic depression mode and my addict always tells me that lust will make me feel better.  That is a lie of course as lust always makes me feel worse - that's what makes me an addict.

Keep us up to date on how things are going for you and what your challenge areas are.

Hatzlacha

Welcome!

I can certainly relate to how you are feeling , especially coming off the high of Shabbos. The yetzer hara looks at people like us who are begging for emotional connection, when we finally grab a hold of it , he says woooo not so fast and tries his hardest to put an end to our real spiritual connection.

Repeat after me " I can get my addiction under control" , the first thing is to believe it's actually possible and although personally I have yet to do so, there are so many heroes on this site who have. Its amazing that you decided to post on here, continue to do so, Daven , read up on the addiction, and do whatever else Harav Guard says.

Much hatzlocha

I figured its really amazing how Hashem has given us the power to fight the YH with his own tricks - he uses the internet to try make us struggle
Hashem gives us the internet to battlle him.. Isnt that amazing!!!

The Yetzer hora is really really weird and actually freaking me out\
After a long day it seems just to quiet - I mean Im not complaining or anything but can this mean some type of a massive surprise attack or something?...

Do you have a filter?
Try to find stuff to do and not leave much free time.
You're going to beat this disease. Hashem wouldn't give it to you if you couldn't! Don't ever give up man.
You have a whole life ahead, like me. If we continue with this non-sense, what would become of our lives? B'ezras Hashem we''ll never find out. You're young (compared to most on here), you could essentially live a life of Hashem as you're searching for help before it kills you.
I don't know if my post made much sense, but your young and you can't let this continue. You much use all methods to break free and finally live the life you want to and enjoy the world Hashem has given to you live in.
If you ever need ANYTHING pm me, it won't hurt! 

Thanks so much ^oneday^ - freaky but true what you tell me. Today was quite good besides for the yetzer flashing in my mind some of the most tumadik images out there, but BH I quickly realised and fought, How can one try erase from ones mind bad images?

yedid_nefesh wrote on 13 Jul 2010 17:50:

Ask Hashem to help you! In a gye e-mail it said say a quick prayer "Elokim create a pure heart within me and renew my spirit". With that you will be bringing Hashem into the the equation and hopefully the images will leave. Also, just try to move on and not think about them or think how to get rid of them. Move on and pretend they were never there! Good Luck!

Thanks once again for the great advice once again

Last night had a couple bad dreams, which I havent had in a while which kept coming back to haunt me today,
Had a bit of a struggle with YH about shmiras anayim but BH I managed to overcome with siyata dishmaya.
Its been 3 strong clean days, and I will remember to have Kavona tonight in Micha, Maariv during Modim- thanking him that I stumbled across this forum

Tizkeh Lmitzvot!!!

How do you get siyata dishmaya? Do you just ask Him?

Hm, today I caught myself asking Hashem to help me ask for help. Then I asked Him to help me. Meschuggene, I know, but it worked.

Day 4 - its BH been gr8. Iv been davening with a lot more Kavona than ever before.

Today the Yetzer Harah changed his tactics from flashing bad images to sending me bad thoughts of "you never make it that far, whats different this time" - thoughts like these can do a lot of damage, the hopelessness can sometimes be overwhelming- It is merely a disguise of the YH and needs to be pushed aside and fought as much as and tumadik hirhurim.

Tizkeh Lmitzvot!

Day 5 - all good BH

The weekend is a very hard. Motzeai Shabbos things get really bad. And sundays are a whole day for the YH to attack.
Ill really try to keep strong with HkBHs help. Have a good Shabbos yall

Tizkeh Lmitzvot

Shavuah Tov, Gut Vog

Shabbos is out - its been a gr8 gr8 Shabbos - during Mincha time it was really intense and Iv been feeling really much more elevated lately. This Motzeai Shabbos I will try listen to a shiur to keep strong. Its been 6 days BH and I am feeling so content and happy, at the same time trying with SD to keep wary of the YH.

Tizke Lmitzvot

Niiiiice job! We may not all post to your thread, but like, me for instance, there's lots of us out here that were rooting for you through Shabbos.  btw, I have the same problem with motzei Shabbos.  Which it is right now.  Which is why I'm here posting to your thread.

Coiach l'coiach.

Its been a week - and a long one

Late last night I was feeling a bit weak, but BH I had a great shiur on an Ipod and made it through( Thank Hashem for technology!)
For me a week is quite an accomplishment.

If anyone noticed I Started my count on Rosh Chodesh Av(I count by nights)- does anyone know if there is any Koach associated with Rosh Chodesh - and is Av considered a bad time to take on endeavors- to fight the YH with extra strength like this?! And is there a Ayin Horah saying the amount of days being clean?

Tizkeh Lmitzvot!

"Though it is not on the same spiritual level as Shabbos or a festival, Rosh Chodesh contains certain elements that are comparable to the festivals. It is distinguished from other days since, as its name implies, it serves as a head for the entire month to come.
In particular, Rosh Chodesh Menachem-Av is associated with the greatest descent, the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash. Within it, however, is also the potential for the highest ascent which will be realized in the Messianic Age, when the fast days will be transformed into days of joy and celebration. Since the descent commemorated on Tishah BeAv is greater than that of any of the other fast days, it is self-understood that, ultimately, the ascent associated with it will also surpass that of the other fasts.

...Since Rosh Chodesh contains all the elements of the month to come, it is an appropriate time to take on resolutions regarding our behavior in the coming days. In particular, Rosh Chodesh Av is distinguished as the yahrzeit of Aharon, the priest. This teaches that we must "be of the students of Aharon" increasing our ahavas Yisrael, our love for our fellow Jews. Also, it is appropriate to make siyyumim during the Nine Days, increase our study of the laws of the construction of the Beis HaMikdash, and add to our gifts to tzedakah."




Nope don't think so. There may be "kinat sofrim" but that's a good thing .

Hope you have an easy fast!