No filter yet. I am also a translator, therefore internet is an important source. I can't work without it, I have McAfee. This feels a bit adventerous, like driving without my safety belt. I might die and it would be a nice way out. Hm, maybe not so nice, a way out in any case.

Addiction is "only" here because of my frustration when it comes to work and the work ethics. I must battle myself through these feelings of anguish, fear and frustration that arise at work. Without this pain agent or when I overcome this pain, I am free and happy. Would you believe that? Can man live and smile even though in pain? Can he win the Tour the France even with cancer? Hm, quitting lasts forever ? “Man can live about forty days without food, about three days without water, about eight minutes without air, but only for one second without hope”.

There is hope at the end of the tunnel, I might walk an hour or a week, maybe even a month or a year, but i will not quit, I may rest, yes, but I will not quit.

Frumfiend, I don't want to tell my wife, I will not. She knows on a different plane already - she would most certainly leave me, if I went too far, fall to deep. I am not in control, Hashem is. If He wants, I will live.  I want to give her happiness.  Please Hashem, may it be Your will, that I need not tell her. With time there is nothing to tell, exept to show that is possible to smile even when in pain. A little bit of light in this world...

I have been thinking about the moon much. I don't know anything about its influence, there is a start I think. To explain my behavior. I am the way that I am, influenced by nature, made by nature, but I am to act unnaturaly. The long short way is deffinetly a path to overcome the natural way - the wish to survive.
But to that, for sure, one must understand the forces of nature. Today is different than yesterday, the moon and sun do not shine in the same way! Do we as people understand that? Or do we think, that we are to act the same positive way like every day?

Today the moon in virgo, the sun in capricorn. Ok, now what. Well I have a stomach ache, but also I find it easer to work today. Hm, a good thing. I guess it is virgo, or is it me, taking advantage of natures forces! Still I have to be careful what I eat.  :

Sorry, I hope I don't offend anyone with my words. It was not my intention, I wish all the best!

P.S. Lance Armstrong is a Virgo, here a quote: ““Anything is possible. You can be told that you have a 90-percent chance or a 50-percent chance or a 1-percent chance, but you have to believe, and you have to fight.””

What about AQUARIUS!

Today the moon is in Libra. Mahtma Gandhi was Libra and he gave me a good advice today, saying:

“There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever”

Such thinking really brings a creative harmony inside. I still have this translation to do and finding words today is really hard, I keep drifting away (like now). But I wanted to share only this, I really don't know how to decide, how to control everything and how to tackle all the work and problems that arise. I am really in search of some harmony, but how can one have harmony, when one has to face the challenge, any challenge!?

Niels Bohr would say: How wonderful that we have met with a paradox. Now we have some hope of making progress.

Face the challange, but do not worry! Is that what Moshe did when he faced Amalek? Journey forth where the real challange is, a talk with Hashem! Still one needs not forget the pain that comes with any challange, surely Moshe new pain. Maybe in the fight with Amalek, and maybe most in the fight with his own people as he returned from Sinai?
Fighting is not good, better surrender to that kind of fight, addicts know that very well.  Here another from Ghandi:
"You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind."

No matter what happens, be it with work or anything, our mind is never imprisond, neither is our soul.

It seems Moon in Libra is very special. And so is Moshe.

P.S. Aquarius? I am aquarius, funny enough. A day when the moon is in aquarius seems to be more intuitive, not allowing any bonds, wanting true freedom.

...I was just making an abscure reference to a musical from the 60s which I heard a lot about and my Dad had the record, but I never actually saw.

AGE OF ACQUARIUS.  --Hair.

How's that for a quote?

But, Jews are above this.  Since Hashem took Avraham "outside," outside the limitations of the physical world, we don't let the stars determine our lives and, ask your Rabbi, but it is probably an issur d'oiraisa to give it any credence.  We're above it.  I think in Adahan's books she explains that astrology is forbidden, except we can use it to help understand personality types.  I forget which mesechta it is, but there's a whole Gemara, like a whole amud or daf, about the personality traits of people born on certain days of the week, and under certain mazalos.  So, I imagine, the heter for personality analysis based on astrology probably comes from that amud somehow.

I, too, am a translator.  I, too, found the internet exremely helpful in looking up words.  I put on my filter nonetheless.  At first it was hard.  Yet, I found safer ways, ways that work even with the filter on, to find words.

--Eye.

yehoshua wrote on 28 Dec 2010 11:46:


Installing a filter.

Heeeello

a new morning and a new day, may it be so every day. Thank You Eye, You are probably right, as always. Truly, no joke about it.

Hm, You are right Eye.

But the process of getting outside is still taking place - Moshe is outside and inside at the same time. I stay in my house and wait, still I guess I want to be like Moshe and talk to Hashem.

P.S. Filter?

A new day, a new chance. He is close, we can hope. ;D

A quote from an actress on  taking up a challenge: "Once we've tasted a bit of success, it's more challenging. We have to continue to be willing to take a risk so that we don't get too safe. Unwillingness to risk failure is always there, but it gets harder when you feel you have more to lose. So the better place to keep yourself in is out of your comfort zone, willing to try even at the risk of failing. And that's not natural to me at all. In fact, it's completely unnatural."

It is obvoius, the pain agent is there for us addicts and for everyone out there. But when in pain, one can actually grow. If we were to heal that emotional inner pain every time, we would probably never grow!?

What do you say to a pregnant lady who is affraid and uncomfortable? Well you don't say: "No problem, we will just kill the baby inside and you'll feel no pain."  You might say: "I guess everyone is afraid and uncomfortable, but I guess not everyone will have a baby."

A new day.
For the morning hour, here an interesting quote by Beethoven:

"It seemed unthinkable for me to leave the world forever before I had produced all that I felt called upon to produce"


Truly Moshe does not leave this World until he does what he is called upon. Moshe is so great, unattainable, Beethoven seems nearer, but what about me? Where do I fit in this picture? Or is it a melody? I still didn't leave this world and I still feel.

...I thought Beethoven wrote music. 

Yeah and this shows again, that you can't really belive the history books.

Fell shmell...

It was a nice 30 day streek that is behind me. First I didn't want to click the button, but it bugged me, so I clicked the button. Then I didn't want to write, because it's really not the first time that I was promising never again.

I know I shouldn't get depressed. So, FELL SHMELL. Keep on trucking.

Ok, if Bards were to charge for that quote...  ;D

Thank Bards, you gave a smile on my face. Even though I am not the smiling type when it comes to smiling to myself. But hey, FELL SHMELL.

Gonna get back up and start trucking. Hashem be the winner, I am going to be sober.

You are a winner

Who lost 30 days you or the YH??

The YH !

Bingo

That slimey sneaky miserable warty hairy moldy hag!!

He lost ground

Go another 30 no sweat!!

Fell shmell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KOT
Beeeeeeeeeeeep! Move! I got this huge truckk I must get it on deh road NOW!!!!

B

You D MANN BARDICHEFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Good to be trucking with the knowledge of: there is ICECREAAAAAAAM here!!!!

Yeah, no sweat. It's the cooool icecream that makes me take it easy. No joke, I feel like I really need to start being happy when working, so no more "to-do-list", now there will only to be "to-do-list-with-joy"

He he he

Every day opens new possibilities, new ideas, here is mine today:

It is possible to pray all the time, without stopping at all. It is achieved by praying in accordance to breathing, for instance breathe in and say Adonai Eloheinu, breathe out and say Adonai Echad. The prayer (words) each person finds or looks for by itself. It is also important not to share your words, they loose their strength.

So it's 22:47 pm, I am translating, with my 12 steps in the pocket and no filter... Wish me luck  8)

Well, it went well. Off to bed... :o