The day was good despite my last fall, I am trying to be selfless as much as I can and I do have some success.

I am home alone, the computer before me and I don't have any filters. Hm, I don't believe in filters. More so, I should be working on my translation and I am thinking of acting out. But I can't, my only option is to stop. I am reading the White Book http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/PDFs/eBooks/White%20Book.pdf right now, I saw Dov suggest it in Naftali's log. So thank you Naftali, thank you Dov.

Hey Yehoshua,

I also don't believe in filters. Did you consider computer monitoring programs? They are more effective and many of them have built in filters which alert the person monitoring when there is problematic activities. It totally works (at least for me ).

Regards.

Thanks, do you have a link Installed?

Yep,

The one that most guys here on GYE use is: www.webchaver.org/

I use Spy tech www.spytech-web.com. It is much more detailed, has clearer reports, and has a built in parental control filter and alert. I used a coupon and it cost me $68. Figure your opportunity cost and you'll see that it is a great investment. You'll save $100s and it will make this battle a bit easier (at least the p part). You must be prepared to loose all your privacy, everything is recorded, including keystrokes!

Thank you installed, I will try to install the program.

Reading the White Book, I see things in a new perspective. Did one half of the book, the other for tomorrow.  8)

Hey Yehoshua,

I see that you had a yerida letzorech aliah  8) KUTGW!

Gut chodesh.

Hey there Yehoshua!

I've just now stumbled on your thread, and am so glad that I did!
As I read through the posts (mostly erased, but the responses themselves told a story I think) - I felt so so connected to you. I got a lot of chizuk seeing someone else with similar struggles as me - and it reminded me that we are in this together.

There are so many things in your stuggles that I can relate to: I'm also a HUGE procrastinator (even in writing this, I'm procrastinating from some work I need to finish up before going to sleep ) - and often get depressed. When you wrote:


- those words pierced my heart. I (and I suspect, many here) know what it feels like to be that shadow. But we both know those shadows are not us - they are just the husks that are/were concealing our brilliant neshamas. I can see from the amount of feeling that you put into your posts - that you are a VERY bright Neshama.

Let's shine together!



yehoshua wrote on 07 Dec 2010 19:01:

I know what you mean. Philosophically, I'm also kind of in favor of getting macho enough not to need them. However, there is one particular use-case that I can't argue against. This is - sometimes you really are doing an innocent search and garbage comes up out of, seemingly nowhere. This, to me - is analogous to putting yourself in a makom sakana. So, I installed K9 on machine - and after configuring & (after a long struggle) giving the password to my wife, it is definitely helping (I for sure still have problems - but it's alot easier than before)
The suggestion re: using a program like WebChaver is also very very good. One important piece of advice on that, it's very important to pick the right person to be your accountability partner. Obviously, it has to be someone who you'd be embarassed to have them see that you looked at bad stuff. But another important factor is - that person has to be really commited to reviewing your logs regularly. I've used Coventant Eyes in the past - but found that the people I asked for help never really reviewed the logs. Even though the deterent factor was initially there, it slowly dissipated over time when I realized the weren't really looking at the logs regularly. Just food for thought with regard to picking the right person.

yehoshua wrote on 07 Dec 2010 19:01:

Last week was a HEAVY week for me, in terms of thinking & self-analysis. Definitely a huge thanks to Dov and everyone else who helped me.  B"H good results came from it - I am now committed to a specific 12-step group & and will I"H be starting early next week. From reading through your posts and from the fact that you're reading through the white-book, it sounds like you're pretty interested in going through the 12-steps in a practical way. Obviously I'm not in any way, shape or form an expert (or even novice) on 12-steps - but one thing that I'm pretty sure of is: if you're going to do it, you really should do it with a group. Our problem thrives on isolation and darkness - working on it with other people is so important, and there's a huge difference between a forum and live voices. There are a good number of phone-groups starting in about a week (take a look at the announcement section on the main site for more details).

Anyways, I just meant to say hi and look at this rambling long post....

Hatzlacha and Simcha to you, my holy brother!

That is why I use a program that alerts the person when there is suspicious behaviour or when sites are blocked. But yeh, it is very important to have someone that you would be embarrassed from. This program will also help with procrastination because it shows the time you log on and off, how long you spent on each website, on each program and what you've been doing on each program. You also must choose someone that you trust implicitly (s/he will know your credit card numbers, passwords, all your emails, everything).

vau i need to take this all in. Finally something good. Speaking of food, apperently I ate something not so good, past due. Why apperently? Well, I became a frequent guest at the restroom. I must say we do have nice restrooms, a peacefull stop.

Hopefully I get better soon and start working.
Y

Hi,

I am back, trying hard. As said, Hashem will help me, surely, or I will die. Either way I win.

I must explain myself, I should take measures, do stuff differently. How can i get better, when I don't change anything. That would be stupid, to expect change, when I don't change. But something is changing inside me.
It was very important to talk to Eye on the phone for me, because it was my first time. I did read the White Book, it was very important to me. I want to share, I want to fight and get and stay sober. And I don't want to lose my wife.
I only have one wife, just one, she is closest. Nothing inbetween. Not an addiction, not an anti-addiction.
I am sorry to say this, but I want to be honest. I don't want someone to know more about my life, than my wife. If that happens, then I no longer have a wife, I have lost my intimacy with her.
If that happens, how can I live?

But if I fall, how can my wife live with me?

Well the trick is not to fall.  ;D

Hey,

I'm single so who am I to talk about marriage  : but what you wrote doesn't seem right.




You are probably right that in the long run, your wife should know all about you but I've been reading a lot of posts on this forum and I understand that in most cases, shtuping all your problems on your wife can actually be a selfish thing. Lets face it, we are in recovery and there will probably be falls on the way. If you share everything with your wife now, you may feel better but it can be harmful. We are biased and that is why we are willing to accept ourselves even though we are doing the same mistakes over and over again (we get less upset when we make a mistake than if someone else makes the same mistake). At this point, I would focus on recovery and in recovery people will probably know more about your dark side that your wife but I think that it's a good thing.

thank you installed.

I made up my mind, either I get sober or I die. But i need to get there on my terms, otherwise I don't see myself. I don't want to leave this world yet.  Hashem help me.

Thats right yehoshua!
Don't forget to install the filter. Belive me, It's necessary for us.

hatzlacha!

It is generally unwise to tell you wife anything about this addiction until you've made some progress in recovery.

It's no being dishonest--you are WILLING to tell her.  BUT, at such an early stage TELLING YOUR WIFE OF THIS ISSUE WILL TEND TO DO MORE HARM THAN GOOD.

AND, though you can't YET tell your wife, you NEED to at least be open and honest with us bunch of guys for the sake of recovery.  We understand you, we can help.  And, we'll get you to a place where, EVENTUALLY you can be completely open and honest with your wife, too.

It's the long short way, but well worth the journey.

--Eye.

p.s.  Have you installed a filter yet?

Hello yehoshua
not to much to add after the last two posts about telling wife. Your wife wants to respect you. Your wife isnt supppsed to be your phycologist. It is possible that wanting to tell is a selfish way of unloading your guilt.