Slowly but surely or slow comes a long way.


This is my moto the past few days.

My little girl is developing beautifully. She doesn't sleep much, my wife has headaches and of course, we don't know what to do when problems arise, who to listen to. But life is beautiful, I love it.

My mother said something to me. When you become a parent, you will get strength and wisdom to be a parent, it's a gift, trust that you will receive it.

Baruch Hashem, my mother was right.

Maybe this should be also my moto when tackling the work problems. Panic never solves anything, best to take it slow, it will surely bring us a long way.

Hi!

Just dropping in.

I say it is a good sign if YOU notice that your daughter doesn't sleep much. When each of our children were born I thought, "Wow, they're sleeping through the night already!" and my wife said, "NO THEY'RE NOT!"

Keep on trucking,

--Elyah

It's a monday.

I really feel bad. It feels like I'm going no where, doing nothing, being trapped, lonely, missunderstood and why? Simply because it's monday and I have to change my perspective, I wanted to do it all, but know that by starting one little thing something else will have to suffer, will have to wait for my attention.

So there I go. I know I can't afford these feelings, since they drive me to act out.

Writting these lines really helps, I just got up (that I couldn't do a few minutes ago) and went for my wallet where there is my piece of paper with my prayers.

Almighty, Master of the Universe,
Who has given me my life, my health,
my family, my friends, and
my potential to develop as a human being -
to grow and to come close to You,
Please -

let me guard my eyes to look only for hope,
guard my hands only to work, do chessed and pray,
guard my feet to move forward

Thank you, Almighty,
for this and for everything
that You have given me.

Keep the joy Michael. I am really gratefull I must say that I have the internet, without it I would not be able to connect to you guys here and I wouldn't find these prayers and I wouldn't be on the path of serenity. Baruch Hashem.


Perhaps it is my daughter and my wife that make me even more carefull, I don't know. Perhaps it is a wish to really live and feel and love. Baruch Hashem for this feeling.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 09 Oct 2012 21:29:


I heard of a fellow whose wife complained that he should share the burden of getting up at night to the baby. So he says, "Okay, we'll alternate. Tonight will be your chance and tomorrow night will be my chance, and so on." She readily agreed. And so that night he slept like a baby (or better) and the wife kept her part of the deal. The next night, in middle of his deep sleep, his wife tries to wake him, "Yankel, the baby is crying! Remember, tonight it's your turn." And Yankel replies in his sleep, "Listen! I did not interfere when it was your night, so you shouldn't interfere when it's my night - z-z-z-z-z".

MT

Funny, but also very sad. Sorry I know it's a joke, but it would eat me up inside if I weren't honest. Cos the joke is a bit real life and my wife is struggeling.

The morning rain is slowly turning into sunshine. Perhaps it will be a lovely day. This night I woke up in the night, cleaned the floor after my baby as she spiled some milk, then brought some water to chage the diaper, nothing big, but it was really beautiful to hold her in the morning. I came late to work.

Anyway, I have like thousand things to do at work, but no energy and no motivation. So typical. But Baruch Hashem I do have a job and I payed my bills this month. Baruch Hashem.

It is really a blessing to be able to bring food home, to pay the bills, to bring something to the table, to hold ones wife and child in love and respect... And that those gifts of mine are accepted. I am truly lucky.

I have to report that I slipped :'( And I am so afraid and shaking all over, I want to light a cigarette, and I haven't smoked in ages.

I am having a rough day at work, full of problems and nothing is working like it should. The worst thing is that I want to get some job done, but in order to get there, I have to do many other jobs first (just to "clean" my table). And the software is not working properly.... Oy weh.

What did I do.

I typed in some shmutz, then backed off. I don't know seconds, darn this might be a fall. I can't get my act together.

This is been going on the whole day, these thoughts arise in my head, then I take my little paper out and start praying. Then I wrote the paper again, printed it out, went to the bathroom to read on the twelwe steps. Man it's tough today, I get up pray, only to sit down in anguish from all the problems.


Hey, I know, these problems are minor, anyone could solve them I guess, but to me, they so darn hard. It's like a cloud is over me today. I was fine yesterday, I am so sorry.

I am able to lower my look on the street, I am able to pray and ask Hashem, I came so far, tonight I got up twice with my wife, I made lunch in the morning, did the ironing in the morning, went to work, did some good things, but it's not right and it lead now to this darn slipp.

Sorry to hear of your problems. Don't forget that today (and tomorrow) is Rosh Chodesh - a time of hischadshus/renewal. Let's start fresh! I once heard (from Rav Wolfson Shlit"a at a levaya) that "Halel" is roshei taivos "Harofeh "Lishvurei "Lev. Let's praise Hashem who heals those with broken hearts. As Rav Nachman says, we must find a nekudah tova, a good point with which to be happy about. And even if we are down in the dumps and cannot come up with any good point within ourselves, we can be mischazek with the fact that we have a Lev Nishbar, a broken heart. As it says, Korov Hashem lenishberei lev... - Hashem is close to those with a broken heart, and He helps those with a crushed spirit.

Praise the Holy Lord!
A gutten chodesh!

MT

Thanks for the chizuk MT. Truly, truly, truly, praised be Hashem!!!

A gut chodesh to all!!!

This morning I begin with some optimism. I have really a lot to do at work, plus at this high meeting my female boss (the secretary of the school) was saying that she can't talk to the film technician since he talks only to me on coffees.

Hm.... :

I dont' take it too seriously. But on the other hand I thought I was on good terms with my boss and I didn't think that it is problem to drink coffee in the time she is only coming to work.

Perhaps it's just me, always so smart...

-Michael

Today it hasn't been easy, I feel so tired and lustfull. But guys I didn't act out, the free air feels so darn good. Baruch Hashem.

Today again saved me a prayer that I wrote a few posts before, but my personal request was that He refines my character: I prayed for what Rav Twerski wrote on this site:

How does one become a different person? By working diligently on improving one’s character traits. Learning how to manage anger, to rid oneself of resentments, to overcome hate, to be humble, to be considerate of others, to be absolutely honest in all one’s affairs, to admit being wrong, to overcome envy, to be diligent and overcome procrastination.
Found it here : http://www.guardyoureyes.com/the-gye-program/the-30-principles/9-principles-for-addiction/item/principle-8-overhauling-our-character-traits?category_id=280&start=1

Thanks GYE!!!

Elya wrote:

I'M AN ADDICT AND I CAN'T STOP.

There's really nothing to figure out--it's not going to help to convince myself of the futility of it.

I CAN'T STOP.

Even if I really felt I GOT NOTHING OUT OF IT and I truly wanted to stop, I WOULD STILL KEEP ON LOOKING.



That is so true for me, its hard to have this mind set all the time. Because sometimes it seems just like a thought. That thought I am helpless just starts fading. And that is a "slip", because every time after that "slip" a real slip occurs, I start looking and then looking away.

True the p* and m* and looking at women is not my real main problem, but it could become again my main problem if I slip and fall.

So the bottom line truly is, that without saying (living): Hey Hashem I helpless, I CAN'T STOP there is no hope. It's very simple, you got to go there no questions asked, simply and plainly: Hey Hashem I helpless, I CAN'T STOP, I am giving my life, faults and everything, over to You.

So Elya thank you. And as my grandmother said:

Probieren geht über studieren!

It is sort of vain, but I love seeing my name on the chart and that gold trophy next to it. How it shines. ;D

that, i think, is THE purpose of the chart - so you can look at it and be proud and to give yourself chizuk to continue.dont worry about gaavah at this point.just enjoy your tremendous accomplishment! and dont let the yetzer hara sneak in and spoil it for you by making you think it's no good to be up there-
jack

tnx Jack, means a lot

I am hurting, had a slip.

I have been away for one week, on holiday. Now back to work I can't seem to find solid ground.

It's happened like so many times. And still there is no remedy for this.

Why do we need to sweat so much to earn a living. I want to scream from the top of my lungs, I can't do it Hashem. I can't.

And on top, stay sober.

Man I don't want fame, I don't want to be remembered after I am gone, all I really care about is the ability to cry to Hashem.
Please let me not lose that ability. Darn. :'( I don't want to have other gods. But it sure looks that way.

So first thing is first. I don't want to be remembered after I am gone, I don't care about looking good, I don't care about being the best, I don't care about being intelligent and appearing as such.

I just wanted to get that straight.

And I must also say this: I know I came a long way, but this is hardly anything at all - it remains a day to day struggle, sometimes even hour to hour or 15 minutes to 15 minutes, just as I wrote before.

But I keep forgetting my rules, forgetting my methods and just lower my guard. Then a slip like today happens. So I really need to use that TaPHSic method (or what's it called) and start writting about my battles and struggles.