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My heart's pounding and I'm sweating
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TOPIC: My heart's pounding and I'm sweating 6394 Views

Re: My heart's pounding and I'm sweating 02 Jun 2010 22:36 #68489

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dov wrote on 02 Jun 2010 06:11:

Maybe it's OK to just think about a single bagel....nu.


v. funny   It was just wishful thinking.  Today it was a pita with melted cheese.  Good thing we make a motsie.  You totally help from the taking things too seriously. Thanks
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Re: My heart's pounding and I'm sweating/installing K9 02 Jun 2010 23:09 #68492

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1daat wrote on 02 Jun 2010 21:40:

By the way.  This is a typical situation where I'm at risk of a fall.  I get confused and then worked up that I can't figure something out (strange how after p&m I can calmly go back and figure things out or get the resources I need without freaking out).  So I'm reaching out guys while I'm in the early stages of getting worked up.  I'm on day 6 and I need your help.


First, know that each of us has their yad yemin pshuta to you, 1daat, as much as you do for each of us. We are people who help each other and ask for nothing in return. As long as you do not want to be alone, you will never need to be alone any more.

Second, when I am not having success in figuring out something that really, really matters to me, what is usually called for is just a bit of humility. Humility not to have to understand everything. If I hold onto a thing that bothers me long enough, I trust that I will eventually have to act out over it, c"v. And that foray might end it all, for me. Who knows if I will get another chance?

Sometimes I need to just do the best I am able, and let G-d be the smart one. Does this speak to you at all? It'd my fault if it doesn't cuz it'd mean I just missed your point again!
"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."
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Re: My heart's pounding and I'm sweating/installing K9 02 Jun 2010 23:42 #68494

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dov wrote on 02 Jun 2010 23:09:

1daat wrote on 02 Jun 2010 21:40:

By the way.  This is a typical situation where I'm at risk of a fall.  I get confused and then worked up that I can't figure something out (strange how after p&m I can calmly go back and figure things out or get the resources I need without freaking out).  So I'm reaching out guys while I'm in the early stages of getting worked up.  I'm on day 6 and I need your help.


First, know that each of us has their yad yemin pshuta to you, 1daat, as much as you do for each of us. We are people who help each other and ask for nothing in return. As long as you do not want to be alone, you will never need to be alone any more.

Second, when I am not having success in figuring out something that really, really matters to me, what is usually called for is just a bit of humility. Humility not to have to understand everything. If I hold onto a thing that bothers me long enough, I trust that I will eventually have to act out over it, c"v. And that foray might end it all, for me. Who knows if I will get another chance?

Sometimes I need to just do the best I am able, and let G-d be the smart one. Does this speak to you at all? It'd my fault if it doesn't cuz it'd mean I just missed your point again!



Wow!!!  To know that as long as i don't want to be alone I won't have to be alone any more changes everything.  Thank you for reminding me that I have a part in helping everyone else, too.  Be"H I will hold that close.

what you said speaks to me.  I had to read it a few times cuz I missed a lot.  but I think I at least understand the things you said. 

            >This is serious business.  If I keep forcing and controlling, ch vsh, I'm likely going to end up in the toilet, and maybe that could be the big one chos v'shalom double time, the one that there's no next time to.

            >A little humility.  Easier said... .  Arrogance is the midah I have the biggest blind spot about.  I heard you.  Do the best I can, and let H" be the smart One.

Thanks again
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Re: My heart's pounding and I'm sweating 03 Jun 2010 16:21 #68710

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:-*.... 8)
"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."
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Re: My heart's pounding and I'm sweating 03 Jun 2010 16:29 #68717

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YOU WANT TO ACHEIVE HUMILTY??
DO WHAT I DO WORK IN RETAIL!!!
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Re: My heart's pounding and I'm sweating 04 Jun 2010 04:22 #68831

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Hey guys.  coming up on the close of day 7.  So far the yetz is now utzing me with food, late/missed davening and, are you ready for this...shmiras afim.  Yeah, anger and noses.  Today a lady walked by me.  No looking.  But the perfume was geshmack.  I smelled it too much.  guard your nose!

I stayed up too late last night on this site.  As Dov put it...balance.  Can't eat the whole salami all at once.  I'm not posting a lot tonight.  Can you guys handle it??  ok, good night.
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Re: My heart's pounding and I'm sweating 04 Jun 2010 04:39 #68836

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Have a good nite, 1daat. Sleep well. dream of nice pleasant things, like the smell of the Kotel when you put your face next to it for a kiss. Like the early morning smell of the Kotel plaza after a spring rain. And like the smell of a fresh, warm challah on leil Shabbos. Or the smell of an old volume of Shas in the back of the library.

You decide. Choose a sense memory, and go for it....

Have a GREAT SHABBOS!!
No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it.

Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal.
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Re: My heart's pounding and I'm sweating 04 Jun 2010 06:43 #68844

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Steve wrote on 04 Jun 2010 04:39:

Have a good nite, 1daat. Sleep well. dream of nice pleasant things, like the smell of the Kotel when you put your face next to it for a kiss. Like the early morning smell of the Kotel plaza after a spring rain. And like the smell of a fresh, warm challah on leil Shabbos. Or the smell of an old volume of Shas in the back of the library.

You decide. Choose a sense memory, and go for it....

So sweet, bro, so sweet.  I got it.  I decide.  I choose the smell of an old volume of Shas in the back of the library.  Tomorrow I could maybe choose another one, and another?  Yes?  It's ok to choose life?  Thanks.  What would I do without you.
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Re: My heart's pounding and I'm sweating 04 Jun 2010 11:23 #68853

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1daat wrote on 04 Jun 2010 06:43:
  Yes?  It's ok to choose life?

Could I get back to you on that?
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Re: My heart's pounding and I'm sweating 04 Jun 2010 23:40 #68949

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No rush, Briut.  I'm not big on making decisions anyway.  Think I'll work through the handbook.  Whaddya figure, maybe sometime in 2012 we could discuss it.  Be"H I'll have gotten through the handbook and attitudes once by then.

Meantime, have a Good Shabbos.  After Shabbos is a high risk time for me.  This will be the second Shabbos I'm doing my avodah here.  I'll be online right away after Shabbos so maybe I can process what happens for me as it's happening with some of my family here to help.

Ahshrei eesh sheh loh cha'atoh, v'eem she chatoh, yashoov v'yashoov, vyimcholloh.

Good Shabbos guys.  Just through Shabbos.
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Re: My heart's pounding and I'm sweating 06 Jun 2010 04:18 #68984

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Nee? So how was your Shabbos?
"Off the 18-wheeler and fine on this tricycle!", "I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons...and you are probably the same."
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Re: My heart's pounding and I'm sweating 06 Jun 2010 04:45 #68987

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Dov Dov, So you remembered and cared to ask.  Thanks a ton.  Shabbos was filled with several little hashg" prat"  as needed.  Like leyning Avot with the Rav.  "Run to do a mitzvah", even mitzvah kal, same but opposite direction with an aveirah.  Then a discussion of how the yh gets us to stall, and then a little more, and then... (yeah, and then the computer's on, and...).  So what I'm learning here, GYE, H' just keeps on even  without everybody here available for me on Shabbos.  How's He do that???

Some fantasies started during Shabbos Shluf, and I opened my eyes and distracted myself, and I'm worried I'm going to keep going back to fantasyland and have to start the losing struggle with it.

Also, I did a pretty good job w/ shmiras aynym.  But like with the shluf fantasies The yetz keeps sending them across my mind.  So  I think if I use willpower to struggle with this I'm definitely going to lose.  All I know to do at this point is to stay on the sight, post, listen to some of the amazing niggunim, and go to bed early.

I have a hunch I'm going to be in this pickle (yo Steve!) more now that the beginner's blush is fading and the avodah seems to be coming on.  Help, guys, please.

I hope Shabbos brought peace, to the deepest place, l'atzmo.  v'Hoo ya'aseh shalom aleinu (v'al kol Yisrael) v'imroo amen. 

Ah gooteh voch y'all
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Re: My heart's pounding and I'm sweating 06 Jun 2010 04:49 #68988

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Yo, 1daat... I hope your heart ain't poundin' still.

Wait... That was like 6 days ago.
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Re: My heart's pounding and I'm sweating 06 Jun 2010 06:49 #69001

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Hey Nevermore, not like it was.  how u doing motsei Shabbos?
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Re: My heart's pounding and I'm sweating 06 Jun 2010 07:07 #69003

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Welcome! Wow! I think you will progress very quickly, because of the way you feel.
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