LOL - thanks for the smile.  I guess I needed that.

Since Yud-Tes Kislev I've been doing the daily portions of the Tanya and it has been a huge and wonderful infusion of chizuk.  This week I got a bit behind but will catch up over Shabbas, G-d willing.  I'm also reading Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz's shilta commentary on the Tanya, he's written three books, which cover the first 37 chapters (hopefully he will complete the entire first part) - and he brings much enlightenment to the text.

I don't remember off the top of my head which chapter it apears, but the author discusses how charity is the greatest mitzvah since we invest all our bodies and energy to earn the money we contribute to charity, but if charity is the greatest mitzvah how are we to interpret the words of Chazal that Torah study includes and surpasses all the mitzvot.  He explains that charity is the greatest since it involves our total selves and has the power to elevate many areas of the world we inhabit, but Torah study is the greatest since it involves our sechel, and we actually bond with the wisdom of Hashem directly, as opposed to the indirect connecting through charity, or any of the mitzvot of action.

Anyway, that was a long way around to what I wanted to say - which is, that within the discussion of Torah study he brings that Torah study is "calling" to Hashem and he quotes Tehillim, יח  קָרוֹב יְהוָה, לְכָל-קֹרְאָיו  לְכֹל אֲשֶׁר יִקְרָאֻהוּ בֶאֱמֶת (The LORD is close unto all them that call upon Him, to all that call upon Him in truth).  Calling to Him in truth is studying Torah - since Torah is the only truth, and the act of learning Torah is a form of calling to Hashem.

For me, this lesson from Baal HaTanya was an enormous help, and since we say this pasuk three times daily, it will serve as a constant reminder of the power of Torah study.

hey hoping4change,
i couldn't agree more that simply reading through the daily portions of tanya are a great boost. and i also love R' Steinsaltz commentary. I think you recognize and point out a huge truth in the value of torah study, especially in this struggle. its important to study torah if we feel an intrusive thought come to us, but just as important to study just for the sake of studying, so that we can keep those thoughts out as much as possible.

hope all is well. Good shabbos

This is another quote from the Tanya - a portion from earlier this month (the commentary is in italics).  This is very practical advice from the Talmud (this problem is not new) - If only we can use this kind of thought to help keep us from falling.

hoping4change, once again you prove why the Tanya as well as yourself, are very valuable suppliers of information. in the same light as your quote, i sometimes like to think of my life, especially regarding this area, like the movie "The Truman Show." for those unfamiliar with it, its basically a movie where the main character has his entire life filmed, without him knowing it, and everyone else in his life is an actor. even if this seems depressing, its still very intriguing to think of how people would act if they knew that their life was being taped 24/7 (or 24/6  )

how's your day been going?

i watched that movie! it was pretty thought provoking. it is interesting how differently we would act if we knew we were being taped 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

I've been studying a couple of books from Artscroll, one on the Shema and the other on the Sh'moneh Esrei, thinking that these prayers/recitations are such a huge part of the daily davening, and my tendancy is to not delve into them more than just trying to concentrate duriing davening (which is hard enough).  But I am learning so much from these little books, and it is helping my davening a lot.

Something I read last night hit home concerning this group and what we struggle with: in the Shema, we are commanded to love Hashem with all our heart, and Chazal commented on the spelling of "heart" with two bets (לבבך), teaching us to love Hashem with "both our hearts"; i.e. with the yetzer tov and the yetzer hara.[/b]  I found this commentary to be very enlightening in that we can serve G-d by resisting the YH.  Each time we are tempted we can look to heaven and thank Hashem for sending us this opportunity to serve Him by rising above the YH.

This is a great gift.

Being on guard for triggering events or situations is a full time job.  

Just the other day I had to work to control my imagination when I went to have some pants altered - something you might think would be a non-threatening errand.  But when I entered the small offfice, an attractive oriental woman asked me if I wanted to try the pants on so she could measure, etc. and I said no, I only wanted the length altered.  But of course her question lodged itself in my mind and for the next few hours afterwards I was battling my yetzer hara ... 

I am grateful for this site and the various helpful tools I've found here, as well as just reading the posts, to combat this kind of predictament.

hoping4change wrote on 28 Apr 2010 14:36:


yeah that is a difficult situation. How are you doing now?

B"H I am doing fine, other than allergies which have me experiencing a persistent headache and runny nose.  

Things are really okay right now, by using the techniques and tools from the this site and elsewhere, and with help from Hashem, I have been able to keep myself clean now for almost 30 days - almost totally clean, with hardly any inappropriate gazing.  

However, a odd thing happened yesterday when I went to the small grocery store down the block from my home to buy some tomatoes, jalape?os and garlic to make some homemade salsa, something I haven’t done in along time - anyway, I just had the bright idea to do it.  

When I went to the counter to pay, as usual there was an attractive young woman at the register and I am pretty sure I didn't stare inappropriately, but nevertheless she made a point to adjust the unbuttoned shirt she was wearing over her tee shirt, which of course drew my attention to her chest.  I wasn't sure if she did this because I unconsciously looked, or because she felt self-conscious about how she was dressed, in front of an obviously Orthodox Jew - or if she purposely did it precisely to get me to look. In any event, I just paid and left..

Anyway - these are the little challenges that present themselves just running errands.

Things are going well for me right now, B"H. 

I've been reading a couple of books on the shuttle bus, 1) the Daily Chofetz Chaim and 2) Tehillim.  But I find it is hard to concentrate on the Tehillim on the bus so I will probably find something else, maybe Path of the Just ( I have been wanting to reread that one) - but the reason I began reading on the bus was to avoid letting my eyes wander at the immodestly dressed women who ride it everyday. 

The upshot is that I am enjoying the books so much I don't even care about what I am not looking at.

Shavua tov.

By reading seforim with the intent of avoiding forbidden sights you are turning your shuttle into a PATH OF THE JUST!!!

You are making Hashem very proud!

hoping4change,

How did you make the chizuk page your home page? Can you help?

That's a great kabbalah...how are you holding up?

Thanks!

Y

allaloneontop wrote on 12 May 2010 21:25:


B"H, I am doing fine.

Paste this link in your URL bar: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/GUEList/GUEList2.asp and direct your browser to go there.

(That's page two of the chizuk messages, if you want page one, just change the last segment from GUEList2.asp to GUEList1.asp)

Then, depending on what browser you use, set that page as your home page.  For me (Firefox) I drop down the menu Tools/Options and set the home page as Current.

Kol tuv.

I used to think, and have read other people write the same, that acting out was related to 1) not having intimate relations, 2) stress, 3) depression, 4) boredom - in other words, some outside influence caused me to fall.  But now I have accepted that the reason I act out is that even though I know intellectually that transgressing any of the Torah's mitzvot is bad for me and the only wise way to live is in scupulous compliance with all of Hashem's laws, but those times when I have fallen were times when my desire for instant physical gratification trumped my intellectual awareness of what was best for me. 

Right afterwards I will will feel intense shame and regret for this momentary period of pleasure.

I know I am happier and more at peace the more I cleave to Hashem and abide by His Torah - I know this without any shred of doubt.

And I am getting better at stopping myself from falling by reminding myself of these facts.

Day 62 - and I am feeling stronger but not out of the woods by any stretch of the imagination.