So after seeing some initial success right here on GYE (4 months) ive had an extremely difficult time staying sober...sometimes i get a week, sometimes more, sometimes less, but nothing real...truth is ive felt the desire to stay clean and sober dwindle..hopelessnes...depression...i dont know if those are the right words...definately feel numb...totally and completely numb to the addiction but also to everything else too...so my elders have advised i take it to the next level and that is great advice so i got a name and a number of a dude that goes to sa groups in my hood and i gave him a shout out...hopefully something develops there...but i feel a little like i hit rock bottom (once again) and im hoping the feeling propels me in the right direction...and what better place to start than where it all began...right here on GYE...sadly, i cannot say that hayom yom echad....hopefully tomorrow will be...ready to start taking those baby steps again....

hey dude, rage, man,

wherever you're at,
however low down it may be,
what you wrote means
you're holding on,
so keep holding on,
we're holding on too,
let's not let go,
and from here,
we'll get somewhere...

Yay!!

Rage when will we be sippin old woody for your new 90

BardZzzzz

It's beautiful to see your name back up in lights, Rage!

Not to minimize, but, just a halocha shayloh you reminded me of:

If a GYE guy counts his days and says "today is the 10th day!" and it happens to also be the 10th day of the omer....does he still count sfirah with a brocha?

:-*

Rage ATM wrote on 07 Apr 2010 18:52:


We will never surrender!

We will learn to surrender.

www.sanyc.org/

Someone we love once wrote:

Last week I was in court and the case right before mine was a sentencing for a guy who held up some bodegas... I've never seen a sentencing before, it's really fascinating. The guy's wife and mom were there and the criminal got to make a statement too. And this poor fat stupid shlub was begging the judge to sentence him to the bottom end of the sentencing guidelines, which was 5 years in federal prison... The crook and the lawyer made such emotional pleas to get 63 months in jail... ("He's a good man who made mistakes."..."I have a wife to come back to that I must take care of," etc. etc.) and they were absolutely delighted when the judge gave him the 63 months.... He was smiling and laughing like he just won a trip to Hollywood... it made me realize that the prisoner truly sees the end of the five years as imminent... He sees it in front of his face... And that got me thinking, that if 5 years can be imminent, then so can 3 months... Keep strong! It'll be here soon, with G-d's help...

Ragerinno, just wanted to say Hello & vinch you a gutten shabbeees.

I'm happy that you appreciated my post, Rage.
As it seems, we're on the same count now.
So, we in this together?
Day 4?...

dov wrote on 08 Apr 2010 03:10:


It might on days 6, 13, 20, 27, 34,41,48 


RAGE: I always remember you as the funny guy who kept posting legal disclaimers..... come wallow with me in the muck of self-pitty 

Some people join the site and have it easy, others trade-in their compulsions for a GYEblogging addiction, and some people honestly need help. The shame of revealing my addiction to my rebbe  b-r-o-k-e    m-e, so personaly the shame and embarrasment helped me turn my life around, even as my YH was visualising full s-- scenes in front of my open eyes!!!!    I was so brocken by fessing up, that I didn't want to be doing the aveira. I didn't want to satisfy or even qeunch my urges, i just wanted to be able to tell my rebbe that I am healing.            That was how I first did it. Albeit I have been fluctuating for a year now, but after a 7 month sobriety, my addiction went down to something more normal, something doable, and something I can overcome..... (if I have the willpower to do so)


why should you fall out of it?    You got a lifeline, something many of us are choser. 

                            oh BTW, it's meseches kalah rabasi.....and the passcode is 'fat lady'

Rage

Did anyone tell you anything about someone
Passinng thru somewhere sometime today?if yes then tell that person where he can get mincha

Bards

BAMMO!!!

what he said!

Dov just wrote a whole post somewhere,
I think on Yiddle's thread
(rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=463.360),
about how the 12 steps are not for people
who think they can make it.

You will find it,
and the search is a bigger part of the metzia
than I think any of us really understand.

dunno man,
i dont got much experience with SA myself,
but hey, you can go with the thought
of finding out whether your suspicions
are wrong or right

tis true