Ok guys, here we are past the 90 days so I feel I gota thank all of u for helping me get here, the biggest & 1st thank u, u all know who gets it, & that is Rabbi Guard, I don’t know of anyone in our generation who did such a wonderful act as he did with this site, & off course not with such an anonymity, no doubt that hashem will repay u, & I would too if I would be able to, so if u feel like I can do anything please ask, I wouldn’t be able to do this w/o the help of all the fellow members here, who gave me constant chizak & advice, especially the older ones with more experience than me & the buddies who were in touch with me through my inbox, without anyone even knowing about their time being spent for another Jew whom they don’t know & will most likely never know, that’s a real chesed shel emes, all of u didn’t let me down in my darkest days & there were many days when I wished I would never be born mildly speaking (I.E. suicide), I am not sure that this is my 1st time of going clean for 90 days over the years & I probably went longer streaks too over the years, but it was for sure not with such a strong will & such a deep meaning as now, when I 1st joined this site I was like a child who was just born, looking around trying to speak/cry/stand up, but I was just too overwhelmed with what’s going on here & with what’s going on in my own world , everything seemed so far away the language spoken here was not my type of talk, but b”h after a while I got a hold on myself & shifted in the right gear & started moving at 1st slowly, than shifting up to a higher gear & going ata higher speed, asking questions , getting answers, arguing about this addiction, was not really ready to get this label, but after a while I decided that who cares how this is called, u may call it sickness, struggle, addiction or any other sweet name, it’s for sure a blockage on a person’s mind which holds him back from growing closer to hashem & from himself, I was not in touch with myself for years, all of u who already know by now this crazy/sick JIP, know as to what I am referring too, & for the newcomers u can all go check out my 1st thread, anyhow to make a long story short, I can say a few things which might help some others,
1. A strong filter is needed on your computer there is just no way to overcome this with access to all the dirt on the web
2. A group of friends such as GYE, or any other group therapy as u may like to discuss/vent/ask/share guys who really understand & care about u
3. a clear understand that this behavior is VERY bad & u wana get out of it ASAP for all costs, its bad from all different views,
4. a very strong will to overcome this & that u cannot afford a fail anymore & a strong believe in urslef that u can do it
5. some honest connection with yourself to analyze your problem, might not be done proper without outside help such as a professional or a understand rabbi, older friend, as in most cases this behavior stems from some other problem within you which caused this addiction, it can be many things,
you will see mentioned here many times on this site that it takes 90 days to break a habit, I also asked this questions when I 1st joined this site, an explanation on this works, but let me just tell u 1 thing, today I am not sure how it works & I really don’t care how it works, all I know is that now, I have a very tiny urge to go back to the old bad stuff such as por. & masturba.. I just don’t see it as my problem solver anymore & I look back for the years I was doing it with such a disgust that I feel like a piece of $hit for even thinking about it, does it mean that I am never gana fall back? No it does not but at least I have a will not to fall back & I know that in order not to fall I need to keep my eyes & mind as clean as possible , I also learned over this 3 months that hashem is in control & u turn to him whenever u feel down, he is not charging u like a therapist does, he is within reach anytime anywhere, just a few simple words from ur deep heart , some tears can help do, I cried many times over this period & felt much better afterwards ,
il share with u a tip I got from harav binumin rabinovits z”l when I was engaged I was visiting Israel & my cusien who was his grandson took me over to him for a chusan shmies , I do not recall the whole conversation I just remember 1 important point which is relevant for all of us here on GYE that when we get a non-clean thought we may not open it up, such as getting a danger spam email, if u open it up u can get the virus, u just gota delete cuz thinking of it & trying to figure out how to fight it will certainly not help, just close ur eyes do an erase & have ready some holy stuff to think of, I tried to use this in the beginning after I married but very soon I dropped it, but now I am b”h back to that idea & it does help, try it for urself , & imaging that hashem is standing next to u seeing what u do, & he is so proud of u
) and you should just know how much chizuk i just got...you just added to my will now ill find my way thanks!
