Hey everyone,
Battling the eyes today a lot. First couple days after a fall are pretty tough. Trying to keep it clean.
ZD

Sounds good - remind yourself that it's not depriving your eyes - it's allowing your eyes to rest!

It's hard to feel that deeply, but reminding yourself of it can help a bit. Repeating it several times can be helpful, too.

It most certainly is not depriving your eyes it is helping them! how many times have all of us finished watching p**n or "spilling seed" and after you are depressed and angry and other things where are our deprived eyes then? we wish we had helped our eyes by not looking at the shmutz!

I feel so good after I finish talking to Hashem at Krias Shma. Krias Shma is such a beautiful meaningful Tefillah. According to The Baal Hatanya saying Krias Shma properly is very much connnected to Kapparah of Zerah Levatala. Aggutenacht my holy brothers. May you have a great day tommorow!

ZD,

thanx for all your kind words to me.

Have an AWESOME shabbos.

Zalman Dovid,  your fall reminds me of mine.  I had been able to stop M about 5 years ago.  I do not remember when but I think about a Year and a half after stopping I had a fall.  Now here I was on this great streak and bam!  My first thought was how can I face this and keep this up.  Will I be able to go another year and a half again, seems so long just to match my previous best.  Then I realized I don't really care that much for such thoughts.  Why do I have to worry about matching my streak, just worry about today.  What will be tomorrow is unknown.  Good to say since then I have not fallen again (came close once or twice).  Each moment and each day is a Simcha, it is a moment of freedom.  Don't get down over the fall it just ain't worth it, not when today and tomorrow can be so much better.

Have a nice Shabbos, ZD, and all y'all!

have a good shabbos guys. Looking forward to some serious g-d time (spending time talking o him)

ZD

Sounds cool - enjoy, and have a great shabbos!

So I was feeling lately. P*rn feels really good. It is such a nice pleasure. It makes me feel good. Where can I get a pleasure like this? If I am cutting out the one thing in my life that gives me pleasure I will be depressed. Where is the real pleasure? I have never had a deep emotionally satisfying relationship and don't know how to create one probably. What is the real thing? How do I make g-d a real thing in my life. I can't see him feel him hear him talking back to me. For my relationship with p*rn all I have to do is log on and the p*rn is happpy to see me.

hey zd.

if you just fell - realize it will take you a few days (lethagic, haziness, guilt, frustration, etc) before you will have a clear head to REALLY focus on the spiritual dimension.

but when you are ready - why not focus on ONE mmitzvah... make it special...think about it...take your time...enjoy it, treasure that ONE mitzvah... make it YOUR mitzvah..

this is a good starting point to build a relationship with Hashem

ZD - it's a rollercoaster ride, this life.... the highs are spiritual, for us the lows are lustual (is that a WORD?).

You know what? I think I'm on the wrong track. I wanna change rides.

I wanna get on one that's an even keel. then I wanna get on one that's moving up, SLOWLY. Them levels off for a while, then goes only UP again to the next plateau, etc. GET MY DRIFT?

So FIRST I gotta CHANGE. I have to re-wire my brain to seek different, REAL PLEASURES INSTEAD OF THE FALSE ONES. So when I experience pain, I turn to a HEALTHY medication, like FRIENDS to shmooze it out with, a SPONSOR to cry to, and a HOBBY or EXERCISE to occupy myself with that I have pleasure from succeeding in. I'm not on that madrega, but i've heard of people who turn to Hashem by reading Tehillim (obviously UNDERSTANDING the words they read so therer is an impact) and reaching him that way.

But the P and M? LET'S FACE IT - IT'S ONLY A TEMPORARY PLEASURE, AND WHEN IT'S OVER, THE SAME PROBLEMS EXIST AND HAVE NOT BEEN HELPED AT ALL, AND NOW YOU'VE GOT MORE PROBLEMS BCAUSE OF THE NEW GUILT OVER WHAT YOU JUST DID, AND NOW THE YH IS ALL OVER YOU LIKE "OH, C'MON, YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP, YOU LOSER" AND YOU GET MORE DEPRESSED AND WANT TO MEDICATE AGAIN.

CAN'T WE SEE THAT WE ARE BEING MANIPULATED UNTO ACTING THIS WAY?

I want my FREEDOM!! I REFUSE TO BE MANIPULATED!! So even if right now I can't think of anything else, I'm NOT gonna fall into that trap again.

It's not worth it.

i did not fall in the end.
My life as a lust addict: spend three hours on my computer typing every obscenity in just "to see" if I can bypass the filter. I actually was able to bypass it in the end and access porn. It was as if I needed to know that I could access it. At that point I just went to sleep.
Does this make sense?

the YH will try to trap you any way possible - makes no difference to the YH.

I know that feeling! I know it is much easier said than done but i suppose when your are in that situation and tired like that you should either say "wow this is so pointless i am not even planning at looking at the stuff" or "you could say "right now i am going to sleep but tomorrow i will try again" and you could postpone it and maybe wake up with a clearer head when you have some zzzzzzzzzzz and you could decide what to do next.