Hello Peoples/ Pesach on the forum is pretty quiet. Anyone home?
Anyway, 8 days after my fall I am still clean. I am hoping that my cleanstreak will be longer this time. I can't wait to go back onto duvid chaims phone group. I am also trying to figure out if my therapist is ripping me off or is a good therapist. He scared me more than actually giving me positive encouragement. I think I have to go for a cpuple more sessions to tell.

Agguemoed

ZD

Glad to hear your doing ok. Good work and keep on trucking!

ZD! You are just gevaldig!! Keep up the good work and keep using your brain - just not too much! 

Oy, traveling can be sucha pain in the tuchis. Everywhere you turn there is another taiva trying to catch your eye and pull you inti the snare. I have had many nisyoinois on this trip but have since been successful with the help of Hashem. I walked to a magazine shop (uh oh) and the Tumah caught my eye. I immediately turned around. My YH kept telling me to turn around and look again at the pictures of undressed women. Iam proud to say that I did not turn around again. I feel this was a big accomplishment for me. I went on a similair trip last year and fell many times. This year I did not fall even once. Did I have my tests? Yes. Was it difficult? Yes. But nobody ever said it's supposed to be easy.

I pray to Hashem Oy help me to guard my eyes. I only want my lust to be devoted to your service. It's such a yesod that no matter where we go we must remember that we are Hashems Heiligeh Kinder. WE are not like the rest of the nations.

I love you my holy brothers,
yours truly
ZD

good for you!

but dont let yourself become too overconfident in your successes - your YH feeds on your successes and eagerly awaits to knock you down.

"When you are down - life your head up;
when you are feeling uplifted - look down (humble yourself) and watch the ants"

keep growing -
and may Hashem's holy light shine upon you!

Dov

ZD - You are Zeyer Delicious to Hashem! Thanks for sharing your successes with us, too!

- the other Dov

Living real is sucha pain in the butt. The quick fix is so much faster and reliable. Why couldn't Hashem make living real a little easier? It reminds me of the story of Reb Levi Yitzchocl of Berdivhev. He would always try to bring out the greatness of the Jewish people. He said: "Hashem, why did you put the Taivos everywhere and the Torah you put into the books. Why not do it the other way around. Put the Torah and the godliness and everything true everywhere you look, and all the Taivos of the world stick into the books. Than maybe things will be a litte bit different.

I'm feeling pretty weak and sick lately. usually a good recipe for disaster.oy

Have you ever been into jogging? If so, then you'll recognize the feeling I describe - when you finish a run, your body is covered in sweat, you're exhausted, your muscles are aching and you feel like you can't move another inch...and it feels so very good.

You've pushed yourself to your limits and beyond, and that just leaves you feeling satisfied on a very deep level.

However, that feeling of satisfaction is just a pale shadow of the satisfaction our souls feel when we push ourselves in the spiritual realm. And although we live in the physical world, we still feel some of that shine...Remember that you're living life truly, the way you want to, the way hashem wants you to. Focus on how good that makes you feel. And remind yourself how much of an accomplishment that is, especially when you're feeling  sick and weak.

zalmandovid wrote on 07 Apr 2010 10:52:



Yo, ZD!! YOU"RE RIGHT!!! This program is SIMPLE, but it sure as **** ain't EASY!! But L'Pum Schara Agra.

Have a GREAT SHABBOS!! Keep FEELING the CHAIRUS!!

Relax a bit, reb ZB and be really nice to yourself....but really nice....not we all used to, but the real way. Have fun being the real ZD, not the actor. I am through with fantasy in every way! Once we get through the swamp in our brains, it's actually quite nice! Have a great Shabbos.

Not having to lust all of the time is such a freedom. I don't feel like I am imprisioned all of the time. I have an alternative now. His name is G-d. I will IYH be starting a partnership this week with a fellow GYE'er. We will be going through the 12 steps together. I am looking forward to this.

Keepin sober one day at a time.

Have a great week my holy brothas
ZD

Iv been feeling the heat all day and Im going cccccccccccccccrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyyyyyyyyy > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > :o :o :o 8) 8) 8) 8) ??? ??? ??? ??? : : : : :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-X :-X :-X :-\ :-\ :-\ :-\ :-* :-* :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

are you in ISrael ?

you aint experienced nothing till you been in a homsin!

imagine closing all your windows - turnign your convection oven on high - ovening the oven door, and having a fan blow the heat into your face.

just stopped by to say hi.

DCh: Hot can be uncomfortable. Feel free to contact me if your new 12-step partner doesn't "do it for you." I'm still working through "it" and sometimes it might be a little easier for you to expel misery through a little company.

But Dovii, if this is how a hamsin makes you feel, I can almost understand why Israel has all those gottex models on the bus shelters. Kedusha must be easier to find when there's geshem.

- Briut

I had a fall Yesterday. It was a worse fall than the one I had after my previous clean streak. I fell HARD. I came out the other end feeling a little depressed. I was on top of the world. Now I'm on the bottom of the pit working my way out of the dirt. I think my fall came from stimulation I recieved from watching a movie. As all movies go this one also had pritzus in it. My fall was also connected with my feeling sick for the past two weeks and finally giving in. My lusting had driven me to the pont of no return. The place where I had lusted so much that it is impossible to pull back. The point where the alcaholic takes that one drink and can't stop. 

It has forced me to reassess myself. Reassess the strongholds I have in place. Reassess my connection to Hashem. Am I really trying as best as I can on this? Where is my heart truly? I really need to re-shape my lifestyle. Have I truly given over my lust to Hashem. Have I admitted that I truly cannot fight this and only Hashem can? Have I reall hit rock-bottom while still on top. I have also come to the sad realization that this thing can't be beat by giving a half effort. It can't be beat too quickly either. Especially since I have been like this for many many many many years. Some real lifestyle changes must go into place. I am going to do a couple things:

1. I am looking to get a REAL sponser. Someone who has been through this and come out alive on the other end. Someone I can call when I feel weak.
2. I will be giving over my code to the filter-gabbai, a move I have been avoiding. Until now I had a long code I can't remember and just put it in a hard to reach place, hoping I would catch myself before entering it. This is not good enough. I need to give my code away to someone else and not have access to it.
3. I will be working on the 12 steps more.
4. I am giving up movies. I cannot watch these things anymore and just hope for no bad scenes or turn away when they pop on the screen. Non-tzius images are poison to my soul. They create lust in my heart. Something I can't afford to do.

I actually started lusting on my long airplane ride back home. Many hours of plane ride and nothing to do forced me to watch movies the entire time. Combine that with my being sick and there is your recipe for disaster. I was a time-bomb waiting to go off. I should have prepared something to do the whole time. It is not enough to just deal with the problem when it comes up. Times of weakness must be precipitated and a battle-plan must be drawn. A soldier doesn't just run onto the battlefield without having a clear plan.

It is so difficult now trying to get back in the mode and mindset that I was at before when I was in the middle off my clean streak. I must tell you I felt so free. Free of the need to constantly be lusting. Free to be who I am really. Free to be a real person. Free to love g-d and feel loved back. I had finally come to begin to feel grateful for that which Hashem has given me. I have a job, a loving family, and my health. I know their is a light at the end of the tunnel and Hahem is waiting for me there with open arms. I just hope it doesn't take me too long to get there.
I am going to read some Chizzuk posted to me after last fall. It will help I think.

How else can I utilize this fall as a catalyst for growth and not be pulled down by it? What else can I do?

ZD