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Zalmandovid's Journey
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: Zalmandovid's Journey 16553 Views

Re: Zalmandovid's Journey 25 Jul 2010 15:12 #75284

  • briut
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Yeah. I think I understand and share your pain. And I know many folks will say chazak v'amatz. I won't. When I'm feeling bad, the very last thing I need is to try to stay away from that only thing I can think of to make things feel better. I want to feel better. Why can't I have that? Why must I deprive myself? Why must I hate both the thing that (seems to!) help and the 'me' that wants it?

What I try for, without much success I'll confess but sometimes it helps, is to acknowledge that I want to feel better. And that I have tools at hand (sorry for the triggering reference...) to feel better. And that I've simply forgotten about them. Even a SMALL bit of 'better' is better than sinking down to P&M. And if I can add up a few SMALL things together, the sum could be enough to pull me through.

Which means, I can indeed feel better. I don't have to deprive myself of the only thing I've known for so long.

You'll know your list. A walk in nature. A slice of pizza. A recording of stand-up comedy (humor is near the top of my list). A call to an old friend or some other connection to people who are real-life and caring and not planning to you. The ice cream cone just like zeydie used to buy you when you were young.

Anyhow, even if these things don't work, you'll at least be able to show yourself that you are trying; that you have tools even if they're not perfect; that you like yourself enough to want to avoid the abyss of aveiros.

But white knuckled "I can handle this wave of desire" never worked for me. It only convinced me that I can't have what I want. Which is cruel. Instead, I'll try to say 'yes' to something else.

Well, that's just me. Might not work for you at all. But at least you can see that there are folks on the forum who really care. b'hatzlacha.
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Re: Zalmandovid's Journey 03 Aug 2010 23:11 #75950

  • zalmandovid
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Sometimes when I am feeling down or in pain writing out my feelings helps.

The road is bumpy. there are curves and potholes. You are traveling into uncharted territory. As you move forward in recovery you will continue to be challenged. Your wits and know-how will now be put to the test. How will you respond?
What happens if you hit a  ditch and slip. Will you allow it to pull you to the ground? Or will you embrace the slip as part of the longer journey towards higher ground and strengthen your foothold for the next challenge..
If your morale is low and you feel down will you wallow in self pity or will you embrace your humanness and reach out to a friend.
If you trip and fall will you remain lying in the dust or will you reach out and accept a hand to help lift yourself up.
What happens when there is nowhere to turn?
Your entire body aches from a recent fall.
The sky is dark and the treacherous road ahead seams endless.
The future seems bleak.
Will you feel all alone?
Will you feel that the end has come?
Or will you acknowledge the unshakable true reality that there beside you stands your salvation. The one and only G-d of heaven and earth is constantly involved in and guiding our lives. All we must do is call out to him from our heart. Will you call out to him? Will you choose life? Will you humbly call out to him and admit your powerlessness. Will you hand it over to him? The wisdom of the ages retains it's eternal relevance:"Even though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for you are with me."
The gates of heaven are never closed to prayer from the heart.
He is always there and he is always listening.
All we must do is open our eyes and our heart.

With Love
Zalmandovid




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Re: Zalmandovid's Journey 06 Aug 2010 15:23 #76118

  • David712
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zalmandovid wrote on 09 Jul 2010 04:25:

The Red Robin and the Mirror

One afternoon as I was walking back to my car after work I encountered an interesting spectacle. As I approached the door to my car I saw a Red Robin fluttering excitedly by the side view mirror. I was impressed by the beautiful deep red color of the bird, and wondered about Hashem's beautiful creations. The next day I saw my fluttering bird friend again. I thought to myself “wow what a coincidence”. After encountering the same spectacle three days in a row I finally realized what was happening over here. You see, this Red Robin has found a friend in the side view mirror of my car. He mistakenly thinks that the reflection in the mirror is a real live bird staring right back at him, who is excited to see him. He therefore comes back every day to say hello and revisit his newfound “friend”. He has attributed emotions, and life to a place where there is none. In truth, the only thing staring back at him is cold dead glass. If only there was a way that he can realize the grave mistake he is making. When all the other robins are busy having fun and interacting with other real-life robins, our red winged friend is really only hanging out with himself. He is the loneliest bird of all. Although he may be enjoying the company now, it will come back to bite him later. Instead of having a real life companion, our poor bird friend has found a “friend in the mirror”. A fake. How telling is this story of the Robin. May Hashem grant us the strenghth to develop and nourish our real-life relationship and find meaning in our real lives. Let us not go to the cold, dead, lifeless things in this world. They may trick us sometimes, and they may seem appealing at times, But let us never forget what they really are. Truth always prevails in the end.
With Love, and Kind Regards,
Zalmandovid


Wow.

ZD,

Beautiful and Deep.

It's amazing how much it tells about you as a person. There is a saying "a picture is worth a thousand words". I would say- your words are worth thousands of pictures. It tells us about the real you not the what you look like.

Keep expressing your real feelings and desires. It's amazing how much one can learn about them self through expressing themself honestly.

Keep it up.

David,

PS. Now i know who I'm talking too.
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Re: Zalmandovid's Journey 08 Aug 2010 15:00 #76156

  • Steve
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Just wanna say another HI.

HI.

(Yoetzei).

Bye.
;D
No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it.

Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal.
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Re: Zalmandovid's Journey 18 Aug 2010 00:56 #76762

  • zalmandovid
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Haven't posted here in a while. I had a fall recently (3 days ago) and one a week before that.  My yetzer Harah got to me and I have been moping and feeling bad for myself for the past two days. I have decided to utilize my fall to connect  Hashem. To realize that I am POWERLESS with a capital P and that I must COMPLETELY surrender my right to lust to Hashem. Not only that I must place my life and my will COMPLETELY in his hands if I ever want to be free of my fears and my troubles. The words " I have a better plan" have always been beating relentlessly in the back of my mind. Tonight as I daven Maariv I will pray for the knowledge of HIS WILL for me. Forget about me, what do you want Hashem. I must give up my selfishness, my ego, and my lust. Three things that I am full of. If not I am dead. Hashem, our father in heaven hears our prayers and helps us. Oh Hashem, save me from the venomous bite of self-pity. help me to embrace your plan for me. Thank You Hashem for all the good you have given me in my life.

Wishing all a Ksiva V'chasima Tova
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Re: Zalmandovid's Journey 18 Aug 2010 11:35 #76788

  • Eye.nonymous
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You don't have to wait for Ma'ariv!

We can always turn to Hashem, any time, any place.

(Any place, yes, I know someone is going to pull out a Shulchan Aruch on me--I didn't mean EVERY place in that literal sense of EVERY.)
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Re: Zalmandovid's Journey 20 Aug 2010 13:00 #76916

  • silentbattle
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Eye -  ;D

ZD - Sorry to hear...but glad to hear that you're moving forward! Have a great shabbos, and keep rocking!

Find things to post consistently...
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Re: Zalmandovid's Journey 23 Aug 2010 17:34 #77030

  • Yosef Hatzadik
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Eye.nonymous wrote on 18 Aug 2010 11:35:

You don't have to wait for Ma'ariv!

We can always turn to Hashem, any time, any place.

(Any place, yes, I know someone is going to pull out a Shulchan Aruch on me--I didn't mean EVERY place in that literal sense of EVERY.)


See the Sefer Yesod V'shoresh Hoavodah where he teaches us what to think about when we relieve ourselves in the morning. He says that by separating the physical refuse from our bodies we should also be separating the spiritual 'garbage' too.

In EVERY place that we find ourselves in, in EVERY aspect of our lives we can be connected to Hashem!
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Re: Zalmandovid's Journey 25 Aug 2010 13:20 #77138

  • Eye.nonymous
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How are you doing Zalmandovid?
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