Boruch Hashem I was granted a moment of illumination this past Shabbos. I ate at someones house, true Machnisei Orchim. The meal went on till late, like past 2 am. This was already after a very long day of work, and a long week. It was a great meal. So anyway, the next morning I woke up at like 8. I had to literally shlepp myself out of bed. As I was sitting in my chair in Shul I was literally falling asleep. I just wanted to put my head down on the table and go to sleep. I kept thinking "I'm so tired" "I'm so tired" "I'm so tired", "how am I supposed to stay up after getting so little rest?" Than I realized that the word "I" was repeating itself way too many times. Was it really all about me, about my needs, about my body, about my wants? I felt so full of ego, and so full of self.  But even more than that I started to ask myself, how do mommys and tattys whose little baby's keep them up at night get up in the morning and go to work? For that matter, how does anyone who is really tired get up and go on with life? At that moment I started thinking about the people sitting in Shul that day. What can I do for the guy sitting next to me? I can smile and wish him good shabbos, which I promptly did. I made it a point to smile and wish as many people in shul as possible a good shabbos. All of a sudden it was as if a great weight of tiredness was lifted from me. It was like my body was not even aware of it's tired state. I wasn't in shul only for myself anymore. I was in Shul for someone else as well. I was asked by the Rav to daven Mussaf for the Kahal. I humbly entreated Hashem to remove any fear I had. Hashem was by my side, I had nothing to fear. I lifted my voice to Hashem and sang the sweet melody of Kaddish, which begins the mussaf. After Mussaf I went to help set up the Kiddush and be of assistance.

My take on what Happened:When I was thinking and living only for myself, I am living in my head. When I am connected only to self and EGO than I am liable to sli and fall, or even fall asleep on the table in Shul during davening. If I connect myself to Hashem and be of service to others than I have allowed Hashem to elevate my reason of existing to a higher plane. I have connected to something higher. In the place devoid of self I am safe. Thank you Hashem for freeing me from the bondage of self. May I do your will always.

I welcome you to share your views and comments

P.S. I do realize that the word "I" is repeated numerous times in this post. It of course means with the help of Hashem with wich without I would be lost.

Thank you so much.
Kind Regards,
Zalmandovid

beautiful post. thats all i can say. 

Ditto. You are a very fortunate - not perfect, but very fortunate - fellow. Thanks for the post, ZD.

How to overcome self-pity? Join the addicts of GYE... Great Reb Zalmans!!!

Hello my dear friends on GYE.
I have not posted here in a while. Jest checking in to say Hello. Boruch Hashem I am working on connecting to Hashem more. It is easy to forget and just go on with life and forget all about him. May I continue to find his hand in everything in my life. Amen. i just wanted to publicly thank Hashem for all of the kindness he has shown me recently.
Take Care,
Zalmandovid

zalmandovid wrote on 01 Jul 2010 03:29:


Amen.

Hello everyone,
Just popping in to say hello. Baruch Hashem all is well.
Wishing you a wonderful week
Zalmandovid

The Red Robin and the Mirror

One afternoon as I was walking back to my car after work I encountered an interesting spectacle. As I approached the door to my car I saw a Red Robin fluttering excitedly by the side view mirror. I was impressed by the beautiful deep red color of the bird, and wondered about Hashem's beautiful creations. The next day I saw my fluttering bird friend again. I thought to myself “wow what a coincidence”. After encountering the same spectacle three days in a row I finally realized what was happening over here. You see, this Red Robin has found a friend in the side view mirror of my car. He mistakenly thinks that the reflection in the mirror is a real live bird staring right back at him, who is excited to see him. He therefore comes back every day to say hello and revisit his newfound “friend”. He has attributed emotions, and life to a place where there is none. In truth, the only thing staring back at him is cold dead glass. If only there was a way that he can realize the grave mistake he is making. When all the other robins are busy having fun and interacting with other real-life robins, our red winged friend is really only hanging out with himself. He is the loneliest bird of all. Although he may be enjoying the company now, it will come back to bite him later. Instead of having a real life companion, our poor bird friend has found a “friend in the mirror”. A fake. How telling is this story of the Robin. May Hashem grant us the strenghth to develop and nourish our real-life relationship and find meaning in our real lives. Let us not go to the cold, dead, lifeless things in this world. They may trick us sometimes, and they may seem appealing at times, But let us never forget what they really are. Truth always prevails in the end.
With Love, and Kind Regards,
Zalmandovid

ZD, I was just checking here to see if you put up that story of yours. i'm glad you did. Let's always be migalleh Hashem's sweet messages to the world. That's the ultimate purpose of these A&W moments.

Have a GREAT Shabbos!!

How do you deal with PAIN?

I go to this forum and go through the 12 steps. There can be only one thought in my mind at a time. I feel happy and then there is no place for pain.

Depends what kin of pain. I find that exercise can help - I can jog, and it just empties my mind as I focus on the jogging, my breathing, and my steps...it gives me a break from whatever else is going on.

Other than that...pain is part of who we are as humans. Especially in golus.

After a recent fall i am unable to get up. The withdrawal symptom pain and my  stressful job are just too much to bear. it's just causing more acting out. the visous cyc;r begins again. It's not fair. This seems too hard to bear. when will it all end?

Crying and pleading
Zalmandovid

All of these pains are too much to bear on your own. We, as addicts do not know how to handle stress and anxiety so when we try to deal with it,  the only way we know how to do it is to lust to ease the pain. Lets turn our troubles over to God because only God can help us with what we cant help ourselves.

The key is to remember that acting out doesn't help you - certainly not in the long term, but even in the short term. It's totally your addiction pushing you to do it. Think about it - I'm under stress, so I'll...do something that'll make me feel even worse?

It sounds crazy, but we do it anyway!