Today I had a very intredting experiance I had three hours in The airport by myself which gave me plenty of time to think and I relized that I am my own problem meaning I can control myself to a degree the strength I have as I had in the past I read all the post of mine and to me since I started here on this forum I re-read alot of the chizuk emails and I became totally envigorated whoth a new sense of hope and strength now I do not know how long this will last but o hope it will take me for a long time as long as I keep sharing on this forum keep learning and davening properly to hashem I feel o cam really do this b"h thank you every one for all the help so far and I van say that I am going to sleep now and can say o have one clean day (which bezaras bashem bli eyin Norah will be many many more) and I feel great about it which I do not know I could have said even duringy last streak of 12 dAys

Hello I know i have beena way for a few days but chasdei hashem I am doing great and feel like new today will be 4 days and I hope all lasts

Good to hear from you GMA! I want to hear you on one of the four phone conferences as well! See this page.

I hope every one had an easy fast and a meaningfully fast Baruch hadehm I can sadly say know 5 clean days an I feel great. Althoughi am starting to get scared again as I am starting a very hard scary diffucult new part inky life again shuduchim and the stress is frieghtung although I feel I can do it with help of Hashem and the gye network

i hope everey one had a great shabbos b"h i did and I am now at 7 days and happy about it

7 days is what it takes to build a new world! It's time to celebrate! If you keep [trying to keep] up the simcha, you will surely succeed!

You're back up on the chart at Level 2. KUTGW - we're all proud of you!

I am writing now what may be my final post as I feel I do not deserve to be associated with such tzadkim.  I want the wall of honor so badly but I can not keep up my streaks as I have given into addiction for lust 2 times since I was added I aNt
ore than anything to be am to win my milchama but I am out matched I will continue to fight but I  to ashamed of my self to having my ne added to the wall even though I strove for that accomplishment thank you all for all your help. :'(

Even if you fell off the 90-day wall, please continue to post about your struggles here on this thread... Every day, every moment that you hold back - IS PRICELESS.

As YosefYakov once wrote:

I see the 90 day chart as an aid and not as a goal. Only you know your strengths and weaknesses and what may be a doable goal. Why don't you make a shorter goal, one that you know that is challengieng yet doable and then work one day at a time? Even if you fall, you can then have the challenge of beating your prior record.

I myself - with the Y'H's help - have the tendency to "bundle" my targets, and if I fail in one then everything comes down. I am learning to "compartmentalize" and have in my mind separate target charts. Should chas v'shalom I fail in one area I should still keep being on target in any other areas.

Dear Gma316,

Please do not stop posting. It gives me so much chizuk to see other people posting here. It's not a matter of how many days. It' the fight! That is why I think it is so important to keep posting; to share that with others. So many greater people than myself have said it in so many different places on this site and in many different ways. Keep your chin up, looking forward to hearing from you soon.

struggle

Holy Buddy gma613,
DON'T U DARE LEAVE!!! Do U HEAR ME!!
I once heard in the name of the Baal Hatanya that a person is, where his thoughts are!!!

If your thought are on the Wall of Honor, then on the Wall of Honor u are.
Promise me and all the h
Members on the site that you are here to stay!!
Promise?
I'm waiting for your reply! No getting away from us with any kind of farewell post;) oh No!! Absolutely Not!!

In the name of the entire Chabura Kadisha Batar Kadisha hodein

You freind in this world and in the next

Noorah from the house of Amram (who also fell many times!!!!)

Ps pm me, maybe I can help. Hey you never know!!

We created a new "automated" 90 Day Wall of Honor chart to make it easier for everyone (it is still under construction, but it is already functional).
Click here to see the new automated chart.

To sign up, Click here.

From now on, you can updated yourself manually. The chart automatically keeps track of how many days you are clean and what Level you are on, each time you update.

Here are the RULES for the new chart:
- You must update yourself at least once a week.
- If you do not update yourself for over a week, your name becomes RED.
- If you do not update for two weeks, your name falls off the chart.
(Even if you fall off the chart, your name remains in our database, so you can choose to go back on the chart by logging in with your username and password and pressing "edit profile" and then selecting "Put me on the chart").

To update yourself, click here to Login.
Type in your username: gma613 (if that's what you chose)
The password for everyone on the chart is currently: GYE
(you can change your password by clicking "edit your profile" at the bottom)
To update the chart, choose "Still Clean" and then press "Update Chart"

We hope you enjoy this new feature. It is one of many new features that we are working on.
Please send us any remarks about the new system, or if you think something should be different or that we should add/change anything.

Keep strong!

gma I'm sorry if you weren't warned but the fact is it's a one way street. There is no leaving! This is a club of fighters, not winners. In truth we are winners because not giving up IS winning. When the angels claimed that the Torah should be given to them and not us, Hashem answered "Do you have a y"h?" R' Tvi Meir says that we learn from this that the bigger your y"h is, the more you have a right to Hashems holy Torah! It's a very big zechus for us to be associated with you. And anyone who doesn't let a fall get him down is guarenteed to succeed!

gma316 wrote on 17 Jul 2009 13:08:

Dear GMA -
What I am about to write I have written before, but spelling it out gets too many members upset, so I try not to. But as you are apparently at wits-end and figuring you "lost", here goes:
My own experience and opinion - I am not speaking for Hashem and His Torah as an authority (but is that what you need? an authority...or a fellow addict?) - normal morality and the common rules/ideals of normal yiddishkeit are trying to use on your problem are primarily made for normal people and normal misuse of this part of you/your body. Words like "I fell", "yetzer hara", etc. are sometimes code-words for an addict who is living in a fantasy-land of morality, in my experience. No wonder you are not succeeding. Addicts are not normal and need a different approach to "win". By definition, an addict is a loser (by their own power) when it comes to their addiction. Please stop referring to a bunch of folks who depend on Hashem to keep them from using their drug of choice as "tzaddikim". At least do not include me in the ranks of tzaddikim. With respect to this issue I am nothing more than a complete loser against lust who finally realized that the 12 steps/12 step followships are meant specifically for ME - who else? For people who can control their drug of choice? What would they need help for? NO, no, no. The steps are made specifically for people who lost - on the condition thatthey recognize they are a total failure at this business and need to finally really relate and depend totally on Hashem. The steps will help you learn how to do that, because you can't figure it out on your own. Yo'd be just turning back to the infected understanding of Torah you developed while you were learning how to act out. No?
In my opinion, you need to decide if you are an addict or just choteh. Has this problem made your life unmanageable? Is it progressing? Can you control and enjoy (use) lust (independent of whether it is right or wrong or Hashem's Will - this is about the way YOU ARE, not at all about the way you SHOULD be)... Do you get me. If anyone thinks what I have written is evil, or just plain dumb, I ask you what more you have to say to someone in this state than chizzuk? If he leaves, as Noorah seemed to be writing, he really doesn't leave, he will just carry himself with him. Sometimes, we need to first learn how to live with our REAL selves, rather than be told by true tzaddikim what our REAL selves are.

Dov, there's nothing as refreshing as the simple truth!