I must be doing good and be on a emesdic path because as the days go on theore I feel the yetzer haroh fighting and trying to tempt me but baruch Hashem another clean day hodu lahashem ki tov ki leolam chasdo

Beautiful, one day at a time...

unlike any of my other streaks as time goes on I find my self being tested more and more and find the days harder and harder. but chasdei hashem I am now at 10 days.

Tzadik gma'r ;)ur a complete tzadik just because your battling!!
When you say that you find yourself being tested more and more, what do you mean by that? Maybe if you cared to share the background of these test (not all the gory detail of course;)) maybe the collective experience of the chevra h can help.  Is it un filtered internet access? By me that would be an impossible test!! Is it the streets?  It may help to share it. The good old wisdom of Shlomo Hamelech "daagah blev ish yischena"

With eternal LOVE to a fellow Jew

Noorah

I know that at this point I do not have to update daily but as for know it is chizuk for me.  Bli eiyen horah today was my easiest day yet but I know that, that means tomorow will be diffucult and I have mentall been preparing for it as well as I am asking Hashem as I do daily for the siyatah dishmayah and strenght to keep on prevailing.  so Right know I am at 11 days חסדי השם as for what I have been struggling with is at times constant thoughts of lust as well as constantly wondering how to be alone with my computer, and what feels like a real phyiscal something grabbing me and trying to actually move me to were I sould not be,  which takes all my koach to retrain.  I found remembering Yosef hatzadik in mitzrayim and how hard it must of been (and all the midrashim which describe the struggle he had) with eyshes potifar.  my fear is that once I find my self in a situation any of my thoughts which help will be out the window so to speak.  I wonder if I can acutally ever do real teshuvah if I can't guarentee I will not mess up again when in my sub-continess I feel that I am forsure going to slip again chas v'shalom.  The rambam says in hilchis teshuva that in order to do teshuvah gemurah you need to be able to say I will never mess up again, I don't know how that is ever possible when it comes to anything espically this.

Read the intro to the GYE handbook to see why the standard models of teshuvah can't work for an addict.

When it comes to addiction, forget about saying "never again". In addiction, "Aizehu Chacham, Haro'e es ha'achshav".

Promise yourself that just for today you will stay clean no matter what, even if your tuches falls off!! (But tomorrow, you reserve the right to act out).

Oh, and tomorrow, when you wake up in the morning, tell yourself the same thing!  ;D

I have fallen yet again I just keep thing of koheleses and its statment of how htis orld is nothing yet we desire so much that sin. b"h I will be at one day tomorow

Are you on Duvid Chaim's phone call? Or at least Boruch's on Wednesday? We need to do our Hishtadlus, and then Hashem does HIS part, which is "remove the obsession" from us.

I hope for shabbos to be a spring board for a new start as I have now had another set back watching and acting out in watching as I cry I only hope hashem listens

Hashem listens if we do our Hishtadlus. Instead of fighting the addiction head-on, learn the tricks of "getting a life" in a 12-Step group. Either join Duvid Chaim's phone groupor a live group in your area...

I know I have said it before but tonight I am at one

I do not know that I can be helped any more I just feel as though I have lost everything spirtually I have ever had and worked so hard to get.  I have commited one of the worst avaros again which is chaiv mesah bede shamiym I have to return my3 year old to her mother agian tomorow so hopefully it will distract me for the day but it is only a matter of time until it happens agian I feel like have just been thru a tornado and do not now were to go as I have no idea what to do with my self as I have seen in the past I can do this but for some reason now I seem to be fighting a harder battle. I plan on staying with all of you althogh I might not be able to u[ppdate myself to hopefully say day 1 of a new streak tomorw but I hope only wiht hashem help that I will post on monday night 2 days.  I am mispalllel for the whole network daily eventhoguh we are annonomus hashem know who we are.  I just hope he listens to me as at times it appears he does not I wish iknew.  please be mispallel for my hatzlochah and every one else here with us as I am I am sorry I am not stronger to help more of you as some many have reached out to try and help me.

Dear gma316,

We love you here at the forum. You are a member of our family. Don't forget you are not alone.

I'm truly sorry you are feeling so much pain right now. I share your pain.

Gma, listen carefully, the 11 clean days you had are not lost! HaShem is storing them in his warehouse. Remember the hundreds of times you said no to the Y"H during those 11 days. Don't ever think of it as having fallen back to square one. Think of it as losing one game in baseball after winning 11 games in a row. You are simply 11-1 in the season, and that's not a  bad statistic at all. 

Please remember something someone on the forum wrote (sorry I forget who): One clean day with struggling with the Y"H is worth more than a week of clean days without any struggling.

If you are going through a hard time, don't worry about being mechazek us. Let us give you chizuk. A healthy relationship is one of give and take. Sometimes we give, and sometimes we take. When one partner needs help, the other gives, and vice versa. Once you feel stronger, you can give back to those feeling weaker than you do.

We were chosen by HaShem to fight the hardest and most important battle of our generation. As long as we keep fighting, we are the superheros of this generation. That's why (at least to me), you shall no longer be called GMA, but rather: SuperGMA!  :D

Your friend and fellow superhero,
SuperMomo

Dear gma, not only are the gains not lost, but actualy even the loss will very soon become part of the gains. Hashem makes this happen so that we can rise to the next level. At the time, it hurts so badly that you can't imagine how good can come out of it. But pretty soon you'll look back and see how much you grew from the fall. The very act of not giving up is a Kidush Hashem of such great magnitude that the fall is small compared to it.

P.S. Did you read "The Torah Approach"? It's the first post on this page:
rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=602.0

                                                                      CHAZAK VE'EMATZ!!!

gma, your pain is very real, and we all feel it. All I can suggest is:

1) Read again R'Dov's amazing response to you in Chizuk e-mail 512

2) Join Duvid Chaim's phone conference (completely anonymous, you don't even have to say your name, you can just listen in)

3) Don't just READ the handbooks, WORK them!! In other words, use the tools one by one. If one tool wasn't enough, go to the next. If you do this, then at some point you WILL DEFFINATELY SUCCEED!! (And I don't think you'll have to get to tool #18)  ;D