i regret that i fell but baruch hashem i feel strong my computer crashed which left me with a filterless internet and i stumbled but b"h i just installed a new one and feel strong to continue a new road to recovery.

my prob is I have a friend younger than me who belongs on this web sight but is to embarrsed and is now dating but has a tough timewhich causes him to masterbate.  he has asked if not being shomer negiah will help ii told him to speak to a rov he can confide in anyone have any ideas.

gma316 wrote on 23 Aug 2009 01:38:


Not being "Shomer Negiah" is not a Halachic option, and furthermore, would only make his challenges far more difficult.  Why would your friend be embarrassed to go on this anonymous website?

To touch a woman who is a niddah (which all women are unless they went to the mikva after counting 7 clean days) biderech chiba is abizraya de'arayos and is yehareg ve'al ya'avor!

Besides, like Kedusha said, it would make the struggle much harder! And, like Kedusha asked, why would he be afraid to come here? It's all anonymous. And he can sign up for the daily chizuk e-mails too!

I agree with both of you unfortunatly I don't know why is is soembarresed to join either Iwill keep trying to work him thanks for the comments

i need heeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllllllllllppppppppppppppppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  i need the chizuk to get back on the right track :'(

Wow, that sure sounded like a bolt of lightening coming out of a thick thunder cloud!

Look dear Yiddaleh, do you think if Hashem himself came down from Shamayim and gave you a big hug and told you how much he loves you it would help? And if he told you how much he wishes you to come close to him instead of drinking mud and throwing it up in His face, would that help you?

Of course it would, right? So why do you need Him to come down and tell you that? You believe it already, no? Or could it be perhaps that something is defective in our Emunah and we don't truly feel what we "say" we believe?

If you admit that might be the case, have you considered that maybe the 12-Steps could help you re-discover the ABC's of Emunah and D'veikus in a way that would make it much more real for you? Have you considered joining Boruch's 12-Step group, or Duvid Chaim's? How about Elya's?

You will yet bring bountiful rain out from these thunder clouds, with Hashem's help.

wow what beutiful and powerfull words thank you i have what to think about andre think myself to get clean and help i cry as i write and i can't thank you enough for your help I will keepp writting

i don't understand how a person who understands things and has real emnuah can know something is wrong and still do it i continue to cry and daven for hashems help

Dear Gma316,

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quite voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".

2B

gma316 wrote on 26 Aug 2009 01:14:


I do understand. It happens to me all the time. The solution is not to be perfect overnight. Our job is to work to improve ourselves step by step and daven to Hashem for success.

Wishing you much Hatzlacha!

Did Rav Amram Chasid have real Emunah? So why did he have to call "FIRE" while half way up the ladder? With lust, Emunah alone is not enough. We need real people, real accountability. Do you have anyone you know in real life that you can confide in and call when feeling weak? If not, you may want to look into joining an SA group. You don't have more Emunah than Rav Amram, that's for sure.

it is now ellul a time for self retrospection and teshuvah.  we all know the way to recovry is one day at a time and small steps.  I have just started a new run of things Baruch hashem because no matter how much I think I enjoy looking at porn and masterbation I know it is only fake and the regret afterwards hurts to much especially when it is after 30 plus days :'(.  the rambam says in order to do real teshuva one has to saqy and mean I will never do the sin again how can I do such a thing when I am to scared I will.  as the time pushes foward and that burst of energy from starting dies out and tayvah starts kicking in things appear to get harder and harder all i want is to stop but the fear sits and build and does not help.  as weel when one falls how does one deal with the sicking felleing and regret to jump right back up usally i find my self falling a few more times before I can get back on the horse when knowing what a horrid thing I have just done please help so that I can do teshuva gemurah( as well as everyone on this site) and that we can all be helped.

Dear GMA,

Please read the GYE handbook. I quote here from the introduction:

We may have tried to do Teshuvah many times in the past, but the standard model of Teshuva (Azivas Hachet, Charata and Kabbala al Haba) doesn’t work for us very well anymore. Addiction is a type of disease, and our Sages understood the nature of addiction as Rebbe Asi said: “The Yetzer Harah in the beginning is compared to a strand of a spider web, and in the end like a rope that is used to tie cattle”. Even more so, in this area where our Sages have said: “The more it is fed, the hungrier it gets”. Our Sages also recognized that once a person repeats a particular sin a number of times “it becomes to him as if it is permitted”. Therefore, the standard Teshuvah techniques are not usually sufficient in our case anymore. The nature of the addiction is analogous to someone standing on the railroad tracks while he watches the train bearing down on him, and yet he can’t move himself out of the way. And as Rabbi Twerski puts it in his book “Addictive Thinking”: We place our hands on the stove, get burned, and yet we feel compelled to do it again.

Therefore on GYE, instead of the standard Teshuvah model, we begin to change our entire attitude. We learn the tools and techniques of how to sidestep the Lust, instead of trying to fight it head on. And we learn how to give our disease over to Hashem and live with His help, instead of trying to use our own strengths to fight something so much stronger than us.

With the proper guidance, we start to see a genuine change in ourselves that we never believed was possible. At GYE we are finally joining together, for ourselves and for all future generations, to strengthen the Yesod - the very foundation of our people.


Dear GMA, you need to implement the tools of the handbook, one by one. You need REAL accountability, in REAL LIFE. You need the 12-Steps; have you tried joining one of the 4 anonymous phone conferences that GYE offers (see here)? You may need even live-12-Step groups, you may need therapy, etc...

I don't want to be mean or judgmental at all, but it seems you are not hearing what we are telling you. I repeat these same things so many times here on your thread over the past months, and so did Dov, but instead of responding to our advice or taking it seriously, you just come back here "crying" that you need to do Teshuvah and asking for help.

We love you GMA, but you have to start to "hear" what we have been telling you all along.

baruch hashem i am back with great news i have found some one who i am close with to confide in and talk with which has helped as he checks in on me and is trying all he can to find ways for me to help.  the ribonoh shel olam helps those who come to him especially in this time of teshuvah before rosh hashonah.

That's truly GEVALDIG news! May Hashem be with you!