1. So, yesterday I completed my 13th clean day. Happy Bar Mitzvah to me, happy Bar Mitzvah to me, happy Bar Mitzvah dear Momo, happy Bar Mitzvah to me!

2. I also went to Rav S. He said not surfing for almost 2 weeks was a big step for me, and I agree with that. I proved to myself that I CAN do it.

3. Although I'd like to continue the no surfing rule (maybe add a couple of small exceptions like glance at the jpost headlines or at my sports team's scores), he told me I can return to him regardless whether I surf or act out. Not to surf and not to act out has to be my choice, not forced by him, otherwise it's just another control tactic.

It feels harder keeping it up (no surfing) when I don't "have" to, but nevertheless, I'll try to keep it up.

I told him my goal is the 90 days (big mistake!), and he said that my goal should be living, being happy with life and myself, and forgiving myself. How many clean days I have is secondary, although he admits that acting out is a sin, and is not condoned. According to Rav S, the focus of my day should be to live, and not to "NOT act out".

Here's the deal as I understand it: For me, in order to live I have to limit my surfing activity. That forces me to connect with real people. Not surfing also helps me not act out (by not viewing images), but the focus of my day should be to be happy (in a kosher way of course) by connecting to people and to HaShem, and not 'white-knuckling' it and feeling sexually frustrated all the time.

4. He feels my lack of happiness and insecurities stems from my fears, so next week he wants to discuss what I'm afraid of.

Aren't we all afraid of the same stuff, not being able to support our families, and death?


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Disclaimer: Any advice Rav S gave me is personal and for me only. He is my personal therapist. For advice on how you should act, go to your personal Rabbi or therapist. Oh, and acting out is bad for you!

yay!
so happy you made it
and i agree that no surfing is a good way to make you live.
kutgw momo!
have a fabulous surf-free day!

Thanks Habib. Have a great night.

By the way, what's kutgw?

Keep
Up
The
Good
Work!

I will not surf and act out right now even I really want to and Rav S doesn't care if I do it or not because I want to live!
I don't want to be a slave to my addiction!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

wow.
very expressive 
GMG!

Before I was not surfing in order to see Rav S.
Now I am not going to surf FOR MYSELF!
I can do it!
Day 1 of not surfing, for Momo!
GMG! GMG! GMG! GMG! GMG! GMG! GMG! GMG!
GMG! GMG! GMG! GMG! GMG! GMG! GMG! GMG!
GMG! GMG! GMG! GMG! GMG! GMG! GMG! GMG!

Rage ATM wrote on 20 Dec 2009 15:10:


Thanks Rage. A compliment from you means a lot to me.

I'm so grateful for you for what you're doing for Habib. One day she'll realize she can ride on her own, and she'll take off the training wheels called Rage, and ride off into the sunset...

Yes Yes Yes. GMG GMG GMG Do it for yourself. AND YOU CAN!!!!

Thanks IT25.
Sometimes you have to give yourself chizuk, but it's always nice to get chizuk from friends.

OK, just to be honest. I've relaxed the rules a little bit (with Rav S's permission).
I read an Israeli news story.
I checked out the sports scores.
I watched 2 short hashkafa videos on a Jewish site.
I read a friend's blog.

OK, so I can't say I've done no surfing besides this site. Say I've done no BAD surfing.

I don't think it's fair to say no surfing at all forever besides this site. I know that OK surfing often leads to BAD surfing. I have to discover where the line is for me, meaning which sites can trigger bad sites and which sites are OK.

There's also the issue of wasting the entire day surfing OK sites instead of working or living (talking with friends, or whatever).

To me it seems, that as long as you feel that you can restict the surfing to only kosher sites , its perfectly ok. Once it starts to get a little out of hand we need to go bact to no surfing at all. But im sure youll get the hang of it, Momo. Youve made it till here your gonna make it real far!!!

imtrying25 wrote on 21 Dec 2009 13:20:


Exactly what I was thinking.

I need stuff that's kosher and doesn't take a lot of time to read. Maybe something like my friend's blog once a week, and daily Israeli news headlines and sports scores.

The videos were a bad idea even though they were "kosher".   

Yeah. the only videos i watch now are sports highlights. otherwise my k9 wont allow it. Its worth the small sacrifice.

For sure. Videos are EVIL, except for the cute animated Kabalistic ones Guard linked for us a while back.

Videos stir up our imagination, the Y"H's best tool.

Videos are EVIL!
Videos are EVIL!
Videos are EVIL!