Momo, I am glad to hear from you because I remember when i was surfing all these threads and saw how much you were struggling and now you are a Hero Member, this is mechazek me how much one can grow. Here i am and havent fallen or slipped for some weeks yet its great to be here with you

rashkebehag wrote on 30 Dec 2009 21:41:


Thank you.
Just live, one day at a time, to the fullest!

recently I stumbled on a site that had access to inappropriate material so i am askiing for chizuk from my good friends. I haven't really seen anything there and I am keeping away, of course i will ask the filter gabbai to help me block it but he isn't available all day and i have to do it with teamviewer. its so obvious the rule that once and addict always an addict and once one sees a temptation the pull is there. i would like to hear a thought from the warriors that will help me stay away from any tempting thing

Ata lo y'gurcha ra! The beautiful yid ham'chuneh b'shem "Rashke" is a precious present to HKb"H right now. You are with Him and He's got no Ra, at all, so we can find safety when we let go and become aware that we are with Him.

Whatever progress I have made, I prefer to forget! The past is no insurance at all for me. What really matters is the truth about me: how I am right now! And there has been some good change in me, and in you: much of the dirt covering up the good in us has been uncovered! We are good people, good yidden - even with our often glaring imperfections! Nothing is hidden from Him and He is for us anyway! Hashem li v'lo ira!
And these imperfect, sometimes lusting, often prideful, frightened, self-absorbed and forgetful yidden that we are, is enough for the Adon Olam to be just 'beside Himself' with riveting personal interest and love for you and me, his kinderlach!! We are enough for this entire world to have been made. And that's amazing. And still you admit that you need help to turn to him, as I do! We are on a beautiful and honest path, for sure. HLKT!

thanks Dov, that was beautiful, but somehow i have trouble feeling that hashem loves me. I am presently having a hard time with parnassah which puts a lot of stress and the nisyonos that I have, the aveiros that I have done make it hard to feel his love. Yes, I have a great wife and wonderful children and grandchildren and I use that as proof that hashem takes care of me. The chizzuk I got in the email today said that the same Hashem that helped me survive till now will continue to help me, gave me some chizuk. by the way, I am also healthy and that is surely important. But despite it all, the YH gives me this feeling that I got the raw deal out of life and I am really worthless. Its too bad you don't know who I am, then you would really see how worthless I am. I know it makes no sense but that is how i feel. Oh, I work on myself to improve but its really an uphill battle and I am no way near the top. If not for this site I would still be looking at all kinds of treife things, so what am I anyway. OK, thats enough. Thank you for your great words, I will try to review them and maybe i will get to feel it. i am interestd in hearing from others, every perspective helps.

Brings tears to my eyes... Rashke, you are such a precious, precious yid...  :'(

Hashem is hugging you tight. Believe me!!


BTW.. You might try to make some sort of Shavuah not to go to that site that you found - until you get a hold of the filter Gabai and make the change. Or a shavuah that if you go to that site, you'll have to take an hour walk. Whatever.. you get the idea...

RASHKE

WE MISSED U

STAY HERE WITHE OILAM

YOU ARE OUR "RASHKEBEHAGG"

B

Are you sure He is? Your few simple words are powerful and I will keep away. I am going to contact the gabbai right now

YES HE IS

I JUST CHECKED

YUP!! HE DEFINATELY IS!!

So you are worthless. And maybe Hashem actually likes worthless people? Some of my best friends are worthless. 
Im esak shomayim, shom otoh - va'atziya sh'ol, hineka! Tell me: which is closer, the "shom otoh" or the "hineka"? Get my drift? I love you.

Dov, that was a real deep one I think it needs some elucidation, My feelings are that my life is so full of disappointments that i wish Hashem would show his love more openly. Bard, your post really improved my mood, I actually laughed when i read it. Just keep on checking for me even while you keep on trucking.

Checking on his blackberry (or himberzaft for him) in New York? Isn't it illegal?

Oh, I nearly forgot...he's in boory Pahrk/Fletbush!

Hey rashke. If a little kid can throw something in.

Hashem loves us. How do we know?? Well if not why would he want us here. We are here to be marbeh kevod shamayim. And if the way we are doing it is by holding back from looking at porn then so be it. So we are doing his shlichus. So how cant he love us. Were doing what hes aking us.

Have a great shabbos!

good point, I just feel that when I am struggling with this ugly thing, how could Hashem love me,isn't it something I should be way past? So the answer is it's an addiction that is extremely difficult and that is my nisayon, but the uncomfortable feeling is still there. thank you and have a great guilt free Shabbos

I think we have to realize what we are doing for HIM. If he decides that this is what we should be struggling with then we need to do what his will is. its like mashel of a king who has servants. Some he sends out to build big beautiful castles and some he has cleaning up the garbage. Of course at first teh servants cant believe how can the king be happy wiht me if i smell all the time. But when he realizes that hes doing what the kings will and thats all he wants from him, then hell walk around with his head held up high.

Have a great shabbos!