bardichev, your children are blessed with a TATTY who is building himself into a powerhouse of wisdom and strength through hard work.  There is nothing more worthy of pride.

I’d like to go back to what dov wrote in reply #86:


I think I understand what he means, let me try to explain.  Sobriety depends on avoiding the FIRST drink, not the last.  You are not sober if you merely avoid porn and masturbation (the “bottom line”), you’re sober if you don’t take the first look (ie. drink).    Work on sobriety, and staying clean will follow. 

I found a huge chizuk in this and it has helped me answer a question that has been bothering me lately…why do I feel like I’m going backwards even though I remain clean?  The answer is because, as we’ve agreed despite not knowing the reason, over time, as you continue to stay clean, your tolerance for lust becomes less and less.  More and more situations become triggers.  In your quest for avoiding the first look you will naturally make tighter and tighter guidelines to avoid lust.  Because that’s how it works, it’s NATURAL to feel like you’re going backwards.  I wasn’t tempted by this yesterday, why am I tempted today?  Am I slipping.  NO!  You’re not slipping, you’re IMPROVING.  And as a result, your tolerance level has declined so that you’re now tempted by a formerly “innocent” trigger.

I think this thread should be framed, and it probably is in Shomayim.

That's a tremendous insight, Aaron!

bardichev wrote on 05 Jun 2009 14:02:


I just wanted to clarify my position on youtube. I don't have it blocked, but after realizing a couple years ago that I could just waste my entire life on it, I don't sit and browse youtube anymore. If I have a particular video I want to view (such as a link in an email) or I want to search for a particular video, I go. Otherwise, I stay away from youtube, because it is a HUGE time waster as well as a potential stumbling block, even though (thankfully) my addiction did not progress to the level that I am triggered by small things.

aaron4 wrote on 05 Jun 2009 18:59:


Gut Voch Yidden

I am going thorough this pahse now.  BH I am slowly recovering from a relapse and getting in sober days now, and I am now becoming increasingly more sensitive to lust triggers, and when I get triggered I try to remember to say a qucik tefillah "thank you Hashem for reminding me how sick I am".  I was told by a sober member that as one progresses in sobriety the straight and narrow becomes straighter and narrower which is an amazing experiance that my mind is slowly emptying out of all this muck, grime and trash and I now have the capacity to replace it with love for my wife & children,Torah and Tefillah.  Since I have now started to get sober, I have noticed that  my chayshek for learning Gemorah has increased.  I will share though that today (Shabbos) I struggled after shul and at a Kiddush I went to with lust triggers, but I was able to share this with someone who is understanding of my issues and after Shabbos I called a member and shared again.  A few weeks ago, I would not have been bothered by this and would have almost automatically have gone right into lust and fantasy but today that I am sober and working my recovery program, I have a choice and BH today I chose to stay sober and not lust after these women.

May we all have a clean and sober week, free of temptation.
London

From a spiritual point of view, this all makes sense as well... The more we improve, the higher Hashem raises the bar ... This is how world champions like Ahron and London are made!

I updated your chart, Rashkebahag, to 42 days (based on your last reply on June 5). Please send an e-mail to wallofhonor@gmail.com each Friday / motzai Shabbos so we can update you easier...

Keep up the good work!

thank you guard, I also want to thank those who posted me chizuk when I posted that I felt like I am copping out and missed the opportunity to overcome this years ago. Ykv, your piece was great as were all the others. Berdichev, what you did with your glasses was hilarious. I just want to relate to all a self-endorsement which might be a chizuk to all . this morning I was driving down a side street and ahead of me was jogging a female dressed provocatively, an unusual sight in my nighborhood and I wasn't ready for it. Normally i would have looked as I got closer. Now that i am in touch with you all, I said, "Whoa!" and averted my gaze. I also want to relate How I feel the YH telling me all kind of things, like why did you block so much? You lost all that access? Or, you win so let down your guard! It's amazing the thoughts that run through my head

It's great you recognize the thoughts... they are the addiction talking to you. Oh, he'll tell you the CRAZIEST things. He'll make you believe that jumping into fire is good for you.

Keep viewing Him as a "third-party". It's not you, it's HIM. And tell HIM to GET LOST!  :D

You are a source of inspiration for me!

rashkebehag wrote on 07 Jun 2009 14:01:


Thanks for sharing.  Once we believe we can actually do it, we do it. 

rashkebehag wrote on 07 Jun 2009 14:01:

This is what I call the yetzer hara of "missed opportunity".  When all else fails, the yetzer hara tells us "Wow! What an opportunity!  How could you miss out?"  I still hear this voice inside me as I walk down the streets of yerushayim (no darka achrina) saying, "What an opportunity! All you need to do is look.  You aren;r all that bad because it is here anyways.  You did not go out of your way to look at women.  And if you give this up, you will NEVER have this opportunity again."  And I literally look at the wall and the floor (depending where I am walking) to avoid everything.  I say back to my yetzer hara, "I am not interested! There is NO opportunity. GET LOST!"


rashkebehag wrote on 07 Jun 2009 14:01:

This is the yetzer hara of milestones.  This is the weirdest one.  Davka when we feel accomplished, the yetzer hara tells us we can chill out and make a L'Chaim on p**n (or shall I say a L'Misah[to death] on p**n) and of course get back to normal life. 

Thanks for sharing.  The more we reveal the menuval's tactics to the world, the more we can protect ourselves and others against him.

Dear friends:

Two quotes that are the best Hashem has to offer us sometimes, as far as I am concerned:

"Normally I would have looked as I got closer. Now that i am in touch with you all, I said, "Whoa!" and averted my gaze"

"I struggled after shul and at a Kiddush I went to with lust triggers, but I was able to share this with someone who is understanding of my issues and after Shabbos I called a member and shared again.  A few weeks ago, I would not have been bothered by this and would have almost automatically have gone right into lust and fantasy but today that I am sober and working my recovery program, I have a choice and BH today I chose to stay sober and not lust after these women."

These shares depict the real program, real recovery in action!
My disease is wacko, too. When presented with a lust opportunity I sometimes feel like "THIS is just a _{little thing}, not what they are talking about when they say "lust" or "a first drink"...like there are supposed to be trumpet blasts or bad music in the background when a "real" lust trigger comes along, to signal it to me! Ha! But it's true, I really think that way. Sad to say, but lucky for me there are enough other people around me losing it over a _{little thing}. It makes it less necessary for me to experiment.

Hello Tzaddikim!

And I mean Tzaddikim!

I was alerted to this awesome thread by Chizuk e-mail #498. If you think that us guys are not the ones that will bring the ultimate geula, then who will? Rebbi Akiva didn't. Neither did the Baal Shem Tov or his talmidim. It is us guys who bust it every day and are fighting an all out war - sometimes losing and sometimes winning, who will bring the geula.

After reading this e-mail thread, I came to a new understanding of the Gemorah in Sukah on Nun Bais Amud Aleph which states that Rebbi Yehuda says that when Moshiach comes, Hashem will bring the Yetzer Horah and shecht him in front of the eyes of Tzadikim and the Rashaim and both will start to cry. The Tzadikkim will look at the Yetzer Horah and see it as a mountain and cry “how was it possible to conquer such a high mountain”. The Reshaim will look at the Yezter Hara like it was a single hair and cry “how could it be that we weren't able to conquer such a little Yezer Harah”.

The Gemara is very puzzling and many explanations have been given. What I now understand as a result of this thread is that as we are going higher and higher, the Yetzer Hara is working much harder and causing that the triggers that were insignificant until now, to become very significant. As a result, in order for us to continue the fight, we have to now fight with "all we got" against these previously innocuous triggers. In other words, the higher the tzaddik climbs, the taller the mountain becomes. This is the true meaning of the Gemorah in Berachos Lamed daled amud bais that in the place that a Baal Tshuva stands, a totally righteous person can never reach. That is because guys who experienced the mud and have somewhat succeeded in climbing out of it, are experiencing a taller mountain then the ones who never experienced the mud in the first place.

We should be celebrating the fact that smaller triggers are affecting us since it is an indication that we are succeeding. That will give us Chizuk to continue the climb.

Chazak V'ematz,

Pintele Yid

I know this is not the place to have this conversation, but I must reply to the previous post. There is no question that our fight with the YH is true Avodas Hashem. It may be that this is the most significant Avodas Hashem of our lives. That being said, we can never fathom the Avodas Hashem of R' Akiva and noone for generations has come close to his toenails. With regard to the bringing of Mashiach, we can only focus on our lofty opportunity to fight the YH, thereby bringing glory to His name.

I would like to make a compromise between Pintela Yid and Hoping.

Hoping is right that the past generations were giants, and we will bring Moshaich only because we are standing on the shoulders of giants.

On the other hand, pintela yid is also right. Why is OUR generation going to be worthy of being the one to bring Moshiach - when all other generations were not given this opportunity? Because the lowest of the low can reach the highest of the high!! As the Ohr Hachaim says (end of shemos), that before Moshaich we will fall to the 50th level of Tumah - but then we will gain the power to enter into the mouth of the Satan and pull out the sparks of kedusha that were trapped there.

And if that is not what we are doing here on GUE, i.e. entering into the satan's mouth, using the very power of the internet itself to uplift the FALLEN sparks - these holy souls - then WHAT IS?

I'd like to add to Guard's response.  True, previous generations were greater than ours however when you think about it, the entire weight of history, including every one of those previous generations as well as all future generations currently rests on our shoulders!  It sounds like an exaggeration, however think of it this way.  The Torah was given to human beings firmly entrenched in Olam Hazeh, not to Malachim (although they tried).  The Torah is the blueprint for THIS world and how WE are to act in it.  The Bris between K'lal Yisrael and Hashem and the entire purpose of creation rests on this principle.  But who is here to make that happen?  Who's in the driver's seat right now?  Not previous generations.  Although we're standing on their shoulders and Z'chus Avos is indispensable, ultimately right now it's up to us!  As great as Z'chus Avos may be, it can no longer grow and for whatever reason, Mashiach has not yet arrived.  We're the ones driving now!  As scary as that sounds, remember that Hashem only gives us nisyonos that we can overcome - we have the tools!  At the same time, the responsibility is significant.  It's like we've been given the keys to the store and the confidence of the owner, and now we have to produce!  Every single word of Torah is ours, and only ours, to absorb, understand, and act upon.  The greatness of Moshe Rabbeinu, Tanaaim, Amoraim, Rishonim and Achronim, all their chiddushim, nigleh and nistar, all of it is now in our hands.  We have to actualize it, they've done their best.  We can and we must.