I'm not familiar with Frumtube, but it's hard to say that any of these types of sites are 100% Kosher.  For example, my kids, (who have very limited Internet access - I need to specifically need to authorize the sites they can watch) like watching the JTube videos on Aish.com.  I try to explain to them that these things are like the Parah Adumah (Metahair es Hatemaim and Metamei es Hatehorim).  See also footnote 2 at the bottom of www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Time/KosherSites.asp.

I heard about it the same way I found out about you: theyeshivaworld.com. their categories are concerts, camps, lectures, gedolei hador, funny, etc. i think it has only kosher things from what  I have seen.

A new point i want to bring up. Before I had questioned the value of a tshuva when it is dependent on a filter. since that means the person had not yet conquered his lust, and probably never will. Now i want to discuss the emotional aspect of it.
When I first started getting clean it was thanks to a sefer I saw. than i found GUE and that added the chizuk. i felt great about myself and very proud.Now I have instituted the practical advice that I picked up here and put in a strong filter, threw out the password, and blocked out provocative sites. At this junction I am as if in  a totally different situation than I was, boruch Hashem, and feel somewhat safe. but I feel like i am copping out. I know the tayvah is still there and I am avoiding it. there is less satisfaction.
Also, I see that i am much older than most people here. i struggled so long. I feel cheated. If i had known or had GUE at least 5 years ago when I got the internet, I would have saved myself so much pain and frustration. please help me out and give me a healthy outlook on these 2 points. All your words have always been so comforting to me. The fact that you're all out there itself has uplifted my spirits so much in this area when i felt lonely in this battle.

Dear Rashkebehag,

As to your first point, it is never a cop out to avoid Nisyonos.  Although passing a Nisayon makes us great, we are not permitted to put ourselves in a situation of Nisayon - the risk is simply too great that we will fail.  So don't let this bother you one iota!

As to your second point, I got the Internet almost 12 years ago (although I only got a fast connection 3 years ago), so you're in a much better position than I am.  Think of it this way: you've grown from the pain you've been through, and you can use your experience to help others, and as an incentive to stay clean yourself.

You feel like you are copping out? By installing a good filter, and throwing away the password....do you know what you did? You single handedly cut off the legs of the y"h. And, now you can work on cutting off the legs of it's tayvah as well. Because now with computer under "your" rulership, you will now have the needed time to step by step remove this filthy tayvah from your neshoma

rashkebehag wrote on 04 Jun 2009 19:23:


1. Rejoice over the fact that despite the fact that you have taavos, you choose to avoid situations that bring it out.  
   Rejoice over the fact that you made a conscious decision to never return to porn again despite the fact that you enjoyed it.  
   Rejoice over the fact that you are acting as a true Eved Hashem who does Hashem's will and not your own will.

2. The Arvei nachal writes in this week's parsha that the whole idea of bnei yisroel wanting the meat was they wanted to have taavos in order to fight those taavos.  They realized how much reward is received for this and they felt like they are missing out on this reward.  So they complained to Moshe.  You are fortunate to have this nisayon and receive great reward for it.

3. It is no secret that the Rabeinu Yona lists off "breaking desires" (שבירת התאוות) as the ninth principle of teshuvah.  But again, like we mentioned above, it is important to realize the level you are on.  You cannot work on level nine before completing level 1, which is removing mind and action from sin.

4. Part of level one is internalizing that despite the fact you have desires you decide not to sin.  This is necessary.  As much as a person works on "breaking desires", there will always be situations in life where you need to force yourself to do Hashem's will.

5.  I mentioned above that the orchos tzaddikim writes that by putting up fences you can actually weaken the desires.  So you are by no means copping out.  You are actually doing what our Rabbis say to do to "break" the desires.

6. All you can do in terms of removing desires is two things: Number one, put in the efforts.  However, you need to realize that the results come from Hashem. Only Hashem can actually remove the desires. By being cautious in your actions by avoiding lust, you are acting responsibly and have greater chances for Siyata D'Shmaya in this area. [Chazal refer to a person who conquers his desires as a Gibor, which implies that man is in control of conquering and removing his desires. However, Rav Chaim Shmulevitz explains that a Gibor means that he put in all his might and effort into conquering the yetzer. However, he adds the true results come from Hashem]  

7. Number two, Daven.  Understanding that the results come from Hashem, will invigorate you more to daven to Hashem to remove your desires.  

May you continue to grow in your avodas hateshuvah.  You are a true inspiration for all of us with your amazing sincerity.  

Lover of All Jews,
Yaakov

rashkebehag wrote on 03 Jun 2009 21:48:


i just figured this out .I uaually stink at gematria
samach ayin peh tzadikk is gematria shin =yetzer

you tube ruined my life.plain and simple .again youtube ruined my life .
I have not gone to YT since i started my recovery with this site. B"H

I hope never to go back to a place whwere i wasted so much time and...

On a happier note YKV is 100000000000% on the money I will add my 2 agurot
the HELIGE BASHEFER sees nachas from your avodah how do you know .Because you still have amilchemes hayetzter.
I dont care how old you are you shouldn't either care you want to know why? Becaue th evil menuval Y"H dose not either care how old you are

rahkebehag you give me such chizzuk .Not to be farshemt at any stage in life to start anew.

as they say anew anew anew avdda dkidsha brichhu (or brich-hee)

HALT FESTTT!!!  WE WILL WIN ONE DAY AT ATIME Y"H IS GOING BANKRUUUUPT!!!

humble and happy
bardichev

Same here, Youtube is just not for me at all. Going on there for kosher stuff was not healthy for me and my stress level has gone down so much since not going on it at all any more that I am now mellow enough to enjoy the leibedikeh and exuberant posts on this heiligeh forum w/o getting overcooked! Thank You Tatty for this fantastic chevra!! Good shabbos everyone!

dov wrote on 04 Jun 2009 22:58:


It's sort of like going to McDonald's for the Kosher stuff!

in the past evry time i was mechazik myself a bit i would end up looking onYT
fot something clean and innocent it didn't take long that I was down in the dumps.

for me it is a IRON CLAD RULE no YT thats it

I also do not go to any video sie at all .It is my way of battling back.

I know where I fell in the past I hope never to fell into that hole again

so for me it is worse than mcdonalds it is smply a bait to trap me

Thank you all for  your honesty

h&H
bardichev

Last night I was searching google video to watch a video discussed on this forum, one of the search results was something that looked very suspect, just looking at a square inch box of a possible trigger for a split second sent the adrenaline surging through me, thank to Hashem I scrolled down, I also thank Hashem for reminding me how sick I am, lest I forget.

I shared this with a member of the SA program today, and will discuss this with my sponsor tomorrow, but from reading the posts here I think all video sites are a no go for me.  Thanks to everone for the honesty here it is really helping me be honest with myself too, as I would love to justify it, but know deep down that the YH is lurking in these sites wating to catch me especially when I think I am doing well.

It's taken me a long time to realize this, but I finally see that my initial reaction ("ah those damn extremists") was really just because I didn't want to face the idea that there could be any truth to what they were saying about all the video sites. I see now that there are really good people here who are honest enough to see that these sites are bad for them and to block them even though it's very difficult. Even though I am not triggered as easily as these brave people who have had to block the video sites, I have come to see the benefit in doing it (even though I'm not ready to do it yet). Thank you for helping open my eyes you guys!

As I noted in another post, I have my filter set to block Google Video and all such video search engines.  Even though the filter limits all searches to "Safesearch," there is no end to the Pritzus that would still be let through.

Ano is "not ready" to block video sites. What are you waiting for? A slip? A fall? I also wasn't able to block it  and I used to curse the day someone showed it to me. you see, before i found GUE I  had my clean times and my bad times and once I was clean for a long time till someone showed me YT for a good reason, but then, boy, did I fall. but even so I just couldn't give it up. Now when I installed the filter through the Shomer Habrit, he told me that he had YT blocked and I thought, Hey, that's a good idea! and a few days later I did the same thing. I feel so much better. The computer is not the monster it's been till now. Ano Ymous, do it! you will be so relieved. 

boy is this thread akiddush hashem

ano even the machshava tov ( good thought ) is a nachas to HASHEM

do it at your own pace no one needs to force your hand .

Unfortunately th evil YH hid in very cool sheeps clothing .

I get sick to my stomach thinking how many hours of precious time I donated for free to this waste of time website. :'(

Ano I am not here with any MUSSAR or frumspeak I am saying FOR ME YOUTUBE was at BEST a horrible time waster .

Really what it was , a trap to lead me to view the worst worst worst ...

All I am saying is that one of the keys to my B"H success so far kayn yirbu No YT no random searche like stumbleupon ( perfect name as it says in the Torah

KI MOKESH HI LACH ) no goole images except if it is for business puposes and I try to do it only if someone else is physically in my office.

I used to feel so horrible looking at my innocent childeren and thinkung why do they need to have such a pig for a TATTY .

I know it hurts to read such lines and usually I try to write onlu DIVREI CHIZZUK.But I can't hide my feelings.

So chazhak chazak  all of us here  our collective TESHUVA and our collective honesty  is going to shine such Koach HAkedusha into the world

the forces of evil will crumble like a cheap house of cards.

humble and happy

bardichev

I