B"H

Hello everybody, hope everyone is doing well.

I have had a bit of a difficult weekend. My family has been watching a lot of TV and movies, especially so during dinner time, and I did not do enough not to watch. I have had for years a personal gezeirah to never turn on the television or change the channel (unless it is for someone else) and actually don't really know how to use the remote, B"H. I have though, watched TV at times when my family had it on, and while on this past weekend I tried to cover my eyes if something appropriate was on, we all know that PG stands for Pritzus Gamur, and there is no way to get around it. iy"H i hope to be better in this middah and to not watch as much television.

Secondly, my sister usually gets goyishe magazines that I know are filled with pritzus. This morning I saw that the front page article had Bristol Palin promoting abstinence education so I decided to open it up. While I did have a sheet of paper to cover the pictures, it is still not good for an addict like myself who can get turned on even by learning certain gemoras, all the more so these papers. B"H, l I did actually not break any rules on the chart but I hope to be makpid in this middah also.

Thirdly, I did have a few times today when I was presented with bad machshavos. What I have found very effective is for me to scream (not actually out loud but just in my head) get out of my house! You are a guest that doesn't belong here! I control you, vatah temshol bo, it is a havtacha from the Ribbono Shel Olam that I can succeed against you! Every test given I can succeed in, so I will be mekadesh shem shomayim! I can be like the many other on this forum who have succeeded. (You all are a tremendous chizuk to all us here. Especially for me are all the unmarried men who prove this)

Well iy"H I will accept the Torah again this year with a renewed commitment to fighting our enemy.

Yasher Koach again to all

Gut Yomtov,

Ezra

Hello Ezra,

Chazak v'Ematz.  Have a wonderful Shavuos.

Hi Ezra, I hope you're doing Ok. I updated your chart to 23 days. Keep strong!

Ezra512 wrote on 28 May 2009 03:22:


Dear Ezra

Sorry for not replying earlier to your post, but reading what you wrote has reminded me about a very fundamental part of my program.  As an addict I am brilliant at justifying actions that can lead me right back into the addiction, by saying the deadliest words an addict can ever say "I CAN HANDLE IT!.  I need to be constantly vigilant about my actions and justifications, I have a boundary not to read secular newspapers, and reading your post has reinforced that, even the "clean" papers will contain triggering adds, if I want to keep up to date with current events, I can read many Jewish titles with the secular news and listen to the radio.  I CANNOT handle even the smallest amount of lust within me. Another crazy justification I say to myself is - I will just look to see if there is anything triggering in this magazine if there is I will close it right away, my addict side / YH is so clever, and I can only win by having clear defined boundaries and if I break them I have to be honest about it with someone, like Ezra did post it on the forum, as my sickness wants me to keep things that I do shrouded in secrecy and darkness that's where the addiction thrives, but it dies in the light of exposure.  I am as sick as my secretes and in recovery I cannot have any secrets.
So, Ezra, well done for being honest, but learn from this how sly your YH is and learn and place boundaries in for the future.

Keep coming back.
London

B"H

Hello everybody. B"H all is well. Let me describe a few things

I had a weird case of mikre layla, I spoke to Guard and we eventually decided it would not be counted as a fall. As a precaution though, I do hope to adopt some chumros that Rav GUE suggested.

I have been better on the goyishe TV and news but I can't say I am perfect yet.

I will be gone form tomorrow morning through the weekend and will likely be in a very tough situation for shmiras einayim and general interaction with nashim, particularly that one woman whom I have mentioned earlier. iy"H I will report back positively when I return.

Hatzlachah for all and may the Ribbono Shel Olam aid us in our milchamah l'shem shomayim,

Ezra

Ezra Tzadik, Good on you for laying down you fears before going! This helps you be aware of what to be careful on, and also provides accountability. We will be waiting here for your return, to hear good news IY"H.

Your loyal fans at GUE.

It seems clear to me that Mikre Layla should not be considered a fall.  Even if the Mikre Layla involved masturbation while partially asleep, I would not view that as "intentional masturbation," as required by rule 8.1; see www.guardureyes.com/GUE/wallofhonor/WOHRules.asp. 

What may happen, however, is that the person eventually realizes what he is doing and, due to the intense Tayva, does not stop immediately.  Even in that situation, I would hesitate to consider it a fall, being that the masturbation was not started intentionally.

In reference to watching TV etc, r'l , does anybody know of any source in sefarim that speakes against  staring at the face of reshaim?
Thanks

Ezra,

It seems to be based on Megilah 28a.  See What's Bothering Rashi pages 40-42, available at books.google.com/books?id=z9hZMs0SzxUC&pg=PA42&lpg=PA42&dq=%22Stare+at+a+Rasha%22&source=bl&ots=1QkUPrC2nN&sig=z6g97KgybJTQfoCwMekaBG_MqBk&hl=en&ei=MwkoSqK_KYagM_fGtI8F&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1#PPA40,M1.

Rav Chaim Kanievsky holds that the prohibition of staring at a Rasha does not apply to a photograph.  One could argue that a video is different, but he would have the burden of proof.

Kedusha, thanks a lot. This was exactly what I was looking for.

Yosefyakov,

Rav Chaim Kanievsky's ruling can be found in Halichos Chaim in 2 places: volume I section 219, and volume II section 362.  In both places it is noted that the Sheilos u'Teshuvos Lehoros Nasan (volume 10 siman 20) disagrees.

The two volumes of Halichos Chaim are questions that were posed to Rav Kanievsky by Rav Yisroel Taplin of Lakewood, NJ, and the answers he received.  They were published in 5765 and 5766.

Keep in mind that Rav Kanievsky issued a disclaimer that his responses in these Seforim are not meant to be relied upon as Halacha L'maaseh.

wow kedusha, thanks again. B'N I'll look into them with my chavrusa.

You can look them up, but they don't say any more than what I quoted.

Interestingly, I saw a Yalkut Shimoni, Bereshis 20, ramaz 91, where it appears to explicitly state that it is assur (forbidden) to look at the image of a rasha:

דבר אחר אמר להם אתם כסיתם ממני את העין בן שאתם מעמידים יהיה כסות עינים:

אסור להסתכל בצלם דמות רשע שנאמר לולי פני יהושפט אני נושא אם אביט אליך ואם אראך רבי אלעזר אמר עיניו כהות שנאמר ויהי כי זקן יצחק ותכהין עיניו מראות משום דאסתכל ביה בעשו הרשע. והא גרמא ליה והאמר רבי יצחק לעולם אל תהי קללת הדיוט קלה בעיניך שהרי אבימלך קלל את שרה ונתקיים בזרעה שנאמר הנה הוא לך כסות עינים אל תקרי כסות אלא כהות עינים שנאמר ותכהין עיניו הא והא גרמא ליה. א"ל הואיל וכסית מנאי ולא גלית לי שהוא אישך וגרמת לי הצער הזה יהי רצון שיהיו לך בנים כסויי עינים:

B"H

Sorry for not responding in a while. My yetzer hara for not posting got to me lately and I hope to post more regularly over the next few days. Since I am on the verge of falling asleep I will just leave a quick overview and elaborate more tomorrow.

The trip was very difficult. B"H I was matzliach to not fall at all but it was virtually impossible to dodge from a casual glance of ervah and by the end of the week my guard was down and I began craving to act out. What ended up happening was that I started searching menuval and using whatever to get around the filter, but I was careful to cover the page results and not see any ervah. While I did not fall under these terms it still can not be good and I therefore want it to be considered a fall to intetionally search or access pages known to have ervah even if I cover the pages.

In my terse writing I might sound off so I hope to clarify everything tomorrow

Layla Tov,

Ezra