That's very normal... It takes a while for our subconscious to catch up with the new reality :-)

Don't let it get you down... As a matter of fact, it should make you happy! Why? Because it shows that although your subconcious is still an "addict", you don't act on it. (It can only catch you when you are asleep!)

I would dance if I was you  :D

See also this page: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ5.asp

B"H

Thank you GUE for your chizuk

All is good with updates.

Ezra

Hey ezra,
I just thought I'd pop in and say how amazing it is to see someone as young as yourself taking the steps to break this addiction. I don't know if you've read my thread on the forum, but it's been almost half a year for me. If I can do it, I'm sure you can too. When I first stopped, I got wet dreams EXTREMELY frequently. Now I seem to only get them when I say to myself "wow it's been a while since I had one". This Shabbos I had two of them (Friday night and during a Shabbos day nap). Don't let them bother you, because you don't have that much control over it. Once you've totally conquered the more important area (what you do while you are conscious) you can begin to work on this area. By the way, the way you write reminds me of myself. I only wish I would have started as early as you did. I could have gotten so much more done in the years between 17 and 20. I'm rambling a bit now, so I'll stop. If you want to get in touch with me, feel free to PM me here. We can message back and forth or chat privately if you'd like. Good luck and take care!
Ano

Ezra, i heard from someone I highly respect that it is very useful to read, just before you turn off the lights, a couple of pages of some davar d'kedusha. It surely can be something easy, like a baal shem tov story, or an inspirational book related to davening and the like.
Hatlazcha

B"H

Yasher Koach Robasai for all the chizuk.

B"H everything is good with the updates.

I thought about two things over shabbos

1. That the Noam Elimelech brings down in the Tzetel Koton part 12 specifically to combat the Yetzer Hara by telling your friends about all his attempts to get you to slip

2. That if I am not mistaken, the Sfas Emes says that the true desire of the Yezter Hara is to be controlled by a Tzaddik, therefore in order to achieve that goal the yetzer hara tests us.


Gut Vuch and thank you everyone,

Ezra

B"H

Everything is good today.

The Yetzer Hara has go me into visiting today the part of my computer that has encoded the master list of my history (which I don't know and don't think can be deleted). Well it was a misguided decision as seeing the listings of all those websites wasn't good. B"H nothing happened wrong though. I am determined though to be mikabel bli neder to never visit this place again so I don't have to recall the past.

Ezra

B"H

Oh and Ano, thank you for your words. Today especially when I was tempted, I kept repeating in my head "if Anonymous can do it I can do it also" Yasher Koach, your personal nitzachon is a beacon to others.

Ezra

Keep repeating it to yourself Ezra! Trust me, I was in it neck deep. I felt so low and dirty. I looked at so much disgusting garbage. Now when I think about what I used to do, the main emotion I feel is disbelief. I feel like that "couldn't have been me". Maybe someone forced me to do it, or I never did it and it was all a dream. The shift in attitude is really that extreme. Think about how you will feel after you get the brief pleasure of giving in and acting out, and you will succeed. Keep up the great work!!!

B"H

All is good today. Thank you everyone for being here to be mechazek me.

Ezra

B"H

Shalom Aleichem everyone, B"H all was good today.

I wanted to write up a story about the Klausenberger Rebbe TZ"L that is found in the book the Klausenberger Rebbe The War Years by Judah Lifschitz (pg 26)

The Rebbe explained his success in Torah in the following way. "In my youth I was considered a bright and diligent student. How did I accomplish this? I tricked my yetzer hara. Other children made great plans at the beginning of the school year for the whole year, and in the end they failed. I said to myself, 'I am going to plan just for today and set goals for this day only.' The Satan not being interested in a single day, left me alone. The next day I again made plans just for that day and so on until the end of a year."

Similarly, the avodah of us on this forum is to approach this addiction day by day. When faced with a challenge we must say that right now we will be mekadesh shem shomayim. It is not for us to look with worry at the mountain of time left till 90 days (The Olam has already established the dangers of such worries). This is our avodah and im lo achshav, aymosai?

B"H

I felt it worthy to mention that I will have to be in a place tomorrow where I will be tested by the Ribbono Shel Olam. Hope to report back positively. I also hope to make use of the chizuk given concerning this.

Ezra

B"H

B"H things were for the most good today. Today was the first time in over three weeks that I had to see this woman that I mentioned earlier in addition to other women. I believe I did to the Kim'at the best of my ability to be shomer einayim. I did start to turn my eyes at several moments but was B"H encouraged to quickly recoil and was able to not be mistakel. The strength from this group really helped me make the push.

Ezra

Ezra, you are giving US all strength!

KUTGW!

B"H

Hello Chevrah. Let me update about the last few days.

B"H I did not break any of the rules of the chart. Wednesday thru Friday I was faced with constant probelsm fo shmiras einayim and I tried very hard to avert my eyes. Unfortuanetly, I know I did make the mistake when I was waiting for someone to talk to girls not dressed correctly instead of going to the beis hamidrash. While I did try to cover my eyes from looking afilu then, I can't say that I was 100% successfull not to see anything.

Gut Vuch and Gut Chodesh to everyone,

Ezra

You are learning the tricks of the wily Yetzer Hara... and your honesty is so refreshing! You will surely become a Tzadik through this struggle!