Yesterday was 12 weeks which brings me today to 85 day"s.

I read the daily emails and hear and feel the emotion of the people posting here how thankful they are to R Guard and this site for literally saving their lives. I feel the same way and if I would have time I would post a special thanks every day to R Guard for saving me in a very hard time when I felt that there is no hope and every commitment was broken I just couldn't get my hands around this thing and I was sinking lower and lower and getting more and more depressed, I remember being ashamed of myself every erev shabbos and not being able to pick up my head to the rbsh"o.

But one day I came across this site (on Yeshivah World) and everything changed. The daily emails are really a great chizuk the tragic story you posted today really is a wake up call, just keep up this holy work you are literly being machzur betshuvah hundreds of people daily, I REALLY HOPE THAT YOU ARE NOT UNDERESTIMATING THE SERVICE YOU ARE DOING WITH THIS. PLEASE PLEASE FORGE AHEAD DON'T GIVE UP, I am sure as in every organization there are hardships etc. but please except my words of chizuk and take it face value that you saved a yid from the edge of the abyss. Thanks for listening to me and letting me rant my emotions.
Until next time, yours truly mgsbms  

wow what a post

what a heiliger yid we have hereon the forum

Noorah we need to back to kentucky for another shipment of wood ford

we will have another kiddush soon

CHAZAK CHAZAK VNISCHAZEIK!!!!!

bardichev

Thank you Bardichev for being sanigoren shel yisrael !!

I came across a very scary "chasam sofer" today, he writes regarding the famous gemara in mesechet shabbos which numerates several transgressions that cause banav shel adam meisim cshehem ketanim, that some times hkb"h waits till they are 18 - 20 to cause more pain to the parents, and hkb"h takes them away even when they are older because of the aveirus of their parents.
I suspect that such divrei tochchco aren't popular on this forum, but to me it is a very important concept in this struggle, when I first started falling I thought the roof will come down on me, after I saw that it didn"t happen I ...., but after reading this chasam sofer it shook me, there is a day of reckoning and you better get your house in order.
It's written in ashrei ארך אפים ורב חסד erech apaim verav chesd, some times the erech apaim comes with rav chesed and it could be misleading, we better be careful. (The chasam sofer is in masechet shabbos folio 105 page 2)  

Dear Mgsbms,

Rav Yisroel Reisman once spoke about punishment, both Divine and between man and man (such as parents punishing children).  His point was that punishment is not all that effective (anyone with kids knows that).  What is effective is fear of punishment.  Of course, for fear of punishment to have any effect, the punishment must be carried out, at least occasionally.

Once someone has fallen numerous times, however, fear of punishment will likely have lost its effect.  For example, someone who has never deliberately been Mechallel Shabbos will be deterred by the fear of Kares or Sekila.  But, for someone who went off the Derech, and was Mechallel Shabbos thousands of times, fear of one more Kares will not deter him.

Once the fear of punishment is gone, new tactics must be used.  For example, the reason to avoid pornography and masturbation is because they are harmful to us spiritually, not to avoid punishment.  If that won't do it, there is an even greater incentive: engaging in these sins destroys our equilibrium, and makes our journey in Olam Hazeh a living hell.  There is no need to even think about punishment in this world or the next - there can be no greater punishment than the sins themselves.

Dear Mgsbms,

I very much hear you in your fear. Such things scare me as well. As I know that it is impossible for me to understand the cheshbonos of HKB"H, I feel that one day something might happen in my life and I will know why. I can do sincere teshuva, but I think understanding and accepting what I have previously done and whatever HKB"H may bring my way in the future, and that I might deserve some onesh, is very difficult, yet possibly realistic. Sometimes I think I should warn the woman I plan on marrying before she commits. What could I say if chas v'shalom a tragedy befalls our family.

Does this make sense to you?

Kedusha, what do you think?

guten Shabbos

Struggle

A Rebbe of mine once gave the following analogy: Someone who refuses to marry a Gerusha because he does not believe that she is permissible to him (i.e. he reasons that she was once a married woman, so how could the fact that she received a Get, which is merely a piece of paper, change that fact?) - is an Apikorus.  After all, the Torah says explicitly that, once she is given a Get,  a woman is permitted to other men.

The same is true with Teshuva.  If someone does sincere Teshuva, but is not sure that it really works, he's the same Apikorus, because the same Torah that tells us that a Get works tells us that Teshuva works.  But what about Yisurim?  Rav Moshe writes clearly (Igros Moshe Orach Chaim 4:116) that Teshuva and Yom Kippur atone for Zera Levatala, and that Yisurim are not necessary.

So, let's work on sincere Teshuva.  We're all in the same boat.  No one in this generation is perfect in this area.  Come into Elul, Aseres Yemei Teshuva, and Yom Kippur with many accrued days of sobriety.  And, let's learn from our friend Bardichev to live each day b'Simcha (preferably without resorting to alcohol!) :D

struggle wrote on 17 Jul 2009 14:31:


So, even if you do sincere Teshuva, you are still concerned about future punishment, and wonder whether you should warn the [future] woman that you plan on marrying.  Let's say you warn her and scare her off.  She will quite likely marry someone who has the same issues, but has not done a sincere Teshuva.  So how have you helped her?

In any event, I have a secret for men who are worried about suffering.  Women on the board are advised not to read this - these comments are for men only:

Please scroll down - women, this is your last chance to skip reading this!





Ladies, why are you still reading??!!   :D

When your wife yells at you unjustly (if you're married, you know that it happens sometimes; if you're not, just know that it happens to everyone - even to Avraham Avinu - see Bereishis 16:5), that's suffering.  Don't yell back - just, accept it.  You need not concern yourself with any other Yisurim!

(For those women who didn't listen and read what I wrote, first give yourselves a slap on the wrist.  :D  Seriously, keep in mind that the fact that yelling at your husband will serve as a Kaparah for him does not give you license to do it, just like we are never permitted to make someone suffer, even though doing so will serve as a Kaparah for the person).

Kedusha wrote on 17 Jul 2009 15:29:


Kedusha I can hug you for this beautiful beautiful post
Thank you!!

Noorah

Noorah,

I'm so glad you found it helpful.

Consider yourself duly hugged! 

This is a well known tactic of the menuvel, and a major fallacy amongst us strugglers!

After the "mistake" (as Rav Noach Weinberg ztsal used to translate the word chait) to turn it into this sin that there is no repentance for!!

All of a sudden the menuvel starts showing you all kinds of "sources" in the zohar etc that there is no tshuva for this sin and the person starts believing it hook line and sinker.......then the baal duver won!!!

Rav Tzadok Hakohein zy"a writes in a sefer called takanos hashavim that the sin of hoz"l mast*****n is not any different then any other transgression on a positive commandment (pru u'rvvu),  and  a simple tshuva consisting  of the 3 main requirements which are regret/chratah -kbala al hu'osidd/making a firm commitment to stop the practice - and viduy/ confeding it to Hashemn then he "doesent move from there until they forgive him". Period!! End of story!!!! Disagree?

Apeekoreis!!!

Love to all

Noorah

You hit the nail on the head. Click here to read this AMAZING piece by the Galanti.

13 WEEKS 91 DAYS

       !!!!! מזל טוב                                         MAZEL TOV!!!


Hashem should grant you continued growth, simcha and hatzlochoh in everything!!!

Mazal Tov!! Now that you broke the 90 day barrier, you are holding on tight to Hashem and NOTHING can stand in your way.

Thank you for being such an inspiration to us all!