day 8, thanks to this wonderful site it"s areal kidush hashem, I was miserable for some time till i found you, it was so not me but i started slipping and was getting really scared, thanks again and keep up your avodas hakodesh

Thank you so much for posting. It gives us tremendous Simcha to know that we caught someone BEFORE he really fell badly.

Please be aware of 2 things:
1) The menuval will undoubtedly try to convince you (there's no way to know when, but it could happen when least expected) to try it out again just a little bit. DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! He just wants to kill you! Once one lets him in the door, he can end up falling really low before even realizing it.

2) If Chas Vesholom you ever do fall again, don't dwell on the fall, just concentrate on going up (which includes learning from the fall).

The bottom line is ALWAYS look up -to Hashem; NEVER look down -to gehinom.

hello tzaddik heilige neshama!!

HOLD ON REAL TIGHT!!! I AM DEAD SERIOUS . these are the hardest days when I was at day 10-20 Iwas  crawling out of my skin .I kept a journal to keep my progress in check .I did it in 15 minute intervals.So holy tzaddik you will do it no one on this board will allow you to fail.you made the big step already now you need to hold on .CHAZAK CHAZAK!!!! Y"H is flipping out another heilige neshomoh esscaoed his trap he will try to hunt you down.

if you feel an urge say Y"H give me 20 minutes he doen't have time to wait he will move on.You on the other hand came so far YES 10 days is  tremendous in milchemes hyetzer.20 minutes.
YESH KONAH OLAMOI BSHAA ACHAS!!!

keep in touch there are such good people here.
bardichev

I really appreciate your tremendous divrei chizuk, and your sound advice, ysh"k

day 12 going strong b"h, it was a derhoibine shabbos, after all a week like last one I didn't have in a while

mgsbms wrote on 30 Apr 2009 02:49:

Keep up the Great work.  Keep inspiring us with your growth.  The more you remind yourself that which you stated above the less likely you will succumb to the Y"H and the more invigorated you will become to conquer him forever.  Thanks for quote.  I know for myself when I picked myself up, this was something that bothered me to the core.  It just is not me.  Through that realization, I was able to break through.  I would sometimes stare at myself in the mirror to remind myself of who I am.   

The Rabeinu Yona wrote a sefer entitled shaarei avodah where he gives a detailed explanation as to what it means to be an eved Hashem.  He begins the sefer with the idea of properly understanding one's self worth in context of being part of the nation of Hashem and states that aveiros and weaknesses in serving Hashem stem from lack of understanding who we truly are and how special we are. 

If we do not understand who we are as a nation, we can not understand who we are as individuals, and we will in turn not be able to believe in ourselves.  If we do not believe in ourselves and truly understand our self-worth, succumbing to aveira, is close to inevitable.  But all this stems from first having clear faith and belief in Hashem and the fact that he chose us and gave us his mitzvos.

May we be zoche to internalize our self worth, get in touch with our true self and be zoche to teshuvah shleima.

I just completed two wks, I feel like I'm getting my identity back, (I would like to write a few more detail's about my struggle, as it could shed a new light on this terrible y"h but i"m not getting to it as of yet, I hope I"ll get to it soon enough) 

We are looking forward to your insightful words

Chazak Chazak we are all fighting along with you .
2 weeks that is tremendous!!!
when I was at @ 2 weeks i was fighting one hour at a time.


Remember your past Shabbos how good you felt it will only get better.It may get harder but if we want something that is good we have to work on it

Dont be scared you can do it.

bardichev

just to put my struggle in some perspective, I would say that my history maybe somewhat different then what others might have gone through in this fight. until age 30 + I was bez"h never nichshel in any sort of these nisyones what so ever, and I say "never" and "nothing", but this is  a lesson never put your guard down because the y"h is always lurking in the corner and waiting for the right opportunity to pounce, I got to go now I hopt to continue in the future 

Wow, what a powerful lesson. I'm curious to hear your story, it reminds me of this story we brought on our website.

ysh"k for the link,  I did find it similar in certain aspects to my experience, even the my fall wasn"t so steep, I was however standing at the edge of the cliff with one foot over the ledge and my eyes were closed (einei halev), till I found this site.
While I"m at it I would like to share a thought that came to my mind during davening today, let me first introduce it with a detail from my fight, I find that the yetzer started working on me full force once I started to be lax in my learning, from learning 8 hours a day it boiled down to much much less (due to diferent schedule's and certain constraints), therefore it came to me, we daven this heartfelt tefilah of ahava raba before krias shema wich is kabalas oil malchus shamaim, before kabalos oil, before excepting the yoke of heaven our head needs to full of torah

A guten erev shabbos to the whole chaburah, with great satisfaction I could inform you of another full week clean, today is day 17 which is the number of the word "tov", with this i ask the rbsh"o "ach "tov" vchesed yirdufinu kol yemei chayai", gut shabbos

Beautiful! May you continue to see hatzlacha.  Keep beseeching Hashem.

Dear Tzadik mgsbms,

Do you want to get up on the 90-day-wall-of-honor?

Join the rest of the great warriors over there and track your progress!

See the rules over here.

You are inspiring us all!