yosefyakov, congratulations i hope to post that message for myself soon enough. can you send me a link to your story, I can't seem to find it. I was starting to read your post and all I see is everyone saying amazing story and I can't find it :-[

PN

YosefYakov, your complete anonymity is assured. You don't have to worry or be ashamed to post your story again... It was so powerful in many ways, and whe you recover after all you've been through, it will be a much greater kiddush Hashem if people can see your story...

Perfect and Guard, thanks for your posts.  No problem, I will, bli neder, repost it.
Guard, I deleted it. Is it perhaps stored somewhere in the computer or perhaps do u still have it? Otherwise it will be my honor to re-write it.

I wish I had saved it, I normally do, but this time I didn't. Sorry.

I guess it's min hashamayim that you rewrite the story so that you can add in the last 7 weeks of progress to give the story a happy ending! Can you? We all want to see it...

thanks!

YosefYakov, Mazal tov on reaching Level 5 on the chart. I updated the chart to 50 days; Just in time for Shavuos - 7 weeks...

The Ohr Hachaim Hakadosh writes that the Yidden needed 7 weeks kineged the 7 days of a Niddah, to purify themselves from the Tumah of Mitzrayim so that they should be ready for kabbalas Hatorah on the 50th day. So now you are truly ready for kabbalas Hatorah with 7 weeks under your belt!)

I"m still waitng for the lchaim!!
YY your simcha is just around the corner I will make ahuge kiddush

bardichev

YY shalom aliechem I'm new here and read some of your posts. What can I say. WOW as guard would say "the very heavens are trembling from you battle"
I'm moved and inspired by the little bit that I read and understood between the lines, more then you will ever know!!
Bahahva Raba uBahavas Olam
NB

Initially when I posted my story , I realized I wrote some information which could potentially compromise my anonimity and therefore I erased my first post.  While I have been quite reluctant to re-write it, I felt encouraged by your post and b'n I will soon repost my story. Thanks for reaching out.

Shomer,

If you're still reading this thread, you LEFT US HANGING in post #3.  What did you learn from your sponsor about giving up self will??

I'd like to add my own comment to this question.  You say:



I've been going to therapy for a while and will try to share something I've learned which may shed some light here.  When life is difficult, particularly during childhood when we truly have very little control over our lives and are forced to endure difficult circumstances, it's easy to see how we can tell ourselves 'as soon as I possibly can I will throw off the yoke of oppression!  I will stand on my own 2 feet and lead my own life so that I don't have to endure this!!'  Of course it helps to have supreme confidence in your ability to do this so you can actually believe it and gain some comfort from this line of thought.  The harder things are, the more the determination grows.  I recall keeping a picture of a cowboy with one arm in a sling and bloodshot eyes, sitting at a bar, with a gun in his hand, waiting with absolute determination for as long as it took until the bad guy shows up so he can blow him away.  I felt like I had the same degree of resolve to take charge of my own life.  Independence is the goal and self will is the way to get there.  It gives you the ability to endure and get through it.

However once you become an adult and truly gain independence, you find that as helpful as this attitude was at the time, there was a hidden cost that you paid.  Because you had to build up your self confidence and say 'I can do this!  I can do anything!' you develop some really high expectations of yourself.  Nothing less than perfection will make you feel like your meeting your own commitment to yourself that you made and repeated so often in your mind.  But nobody's perfect, we don't need to be perfect, and Hashem is really in charge anyway.  We don't reallly have all the power we ascribed to ourselves, HE does.  We have to learn to switch from reliance on ourselves to reliance on the true source of power, Hashem.  And once we redraw the line of who does what, we will be happy with ourselves for doing our best and leaving the rest to Him.  Letting go of self will...

You can do it Shomer!

Aaron4,
Brilliant!!!absolutely Brilliant!!!!
U just saved me ten thousand dollars in therapy!!!  I'm beginning to teach myself this lesson, bit by bit.  In my job, there is a tremendous amount of troubleshooting, fire extinguishing, making 100 dollar bills out of singles relying on my ingenuity and creativity alone, or so I though!!! the stress of it all played a huge part in my acting out.

Without step 3 I'm a goner and will be right back u know where

There is no I.
Even I, comes from G-d!!!!

That we say in the morning first thing, modeh ani not ani modeh.......because even the "ani" the I comes from u Hashem and thank you for my "I".!!!
With love and thanks to all the precious yeedelach on this holy site
NB

Since R' Guard wouldn't do this directly, I'll do it for him.  Please donate some of the savings to the site! (may I suggest 5%)