Chag kasher v'sameach to everyone!

I would appreciate if someone would help me with the following:

1. Are the telephone meetings (tuesdays and thursday) still taking place?

2. If so,  are they being used by our forum memebers?  and how can I get some information about the the call.

Yesher koach

P.S Can I be started in the wall? Starting date 4/2/09 or 8th of Nisan. Thanks

what a story! and yes, we've ALL been through very similar happenings. #1 - dont try it on your own, you need support. on this site, you will get it. call the weekly phone groups. call the hot-line if you need it.elya is one of those people that desires to help everyone he possibly can.i never met anyone like him (yes, i've met him in person, and he didn't turn me over to the authorities). get a sponsor. call HIM (not her) whenever you feel like acting out.this addiction WILL RUIN YOUR life if you keep feeding it.you might end up in jail, or worse.some people on this forum were caught, and it ruined their life. some were never caught, but the addiction still consumed them. you DONT want to be consumed by this addiction, please, for yourself, for your family, for all of us, and above all, for Hashem's sake. it's a rough ride, but it's worth it.the rewards are enormous.to be free, not to be pulled in one direction by forces outside of yourself.pesach is about freedom, the freedom to choose the right thing and not to be controlled by ANY addiction.we are ALL with you, and i mean ALL of us. we are just like you, you are not alone!! i hate to say it again, but reb guard (what a funny name) is one of the most unique people i have EVER come across.he is devoting a HUGE part of his time for us, because he loves us and wants us to succeed.if i ever meet him, i'm going to kiss him and hug him so much he wont know what to do. jack

What a story!

Dear Yosef Yaakov,

There are a few things you need to know as you start out on your journey to recovery, sobriety and new found freedom in your life. The first thing you need to know is that the phenomenon you are dealing with is not because you have huge desires and can't seem to be able to deal with them. Rather, you are dealing with a very strong sexual "addiction". It is important to understand this because, as an addiction, it can be dealt with in many tried and proven ways and methods.

We can learn from your story two important things.

1) How much Hashem desires the teshuvah of his children, even when they have fallen to the very lowest levels. He desires their teshuvah so much that he'll set the engines of an entire plane on fire. And he'll make the car not start. All to show how much he desires your teshuvah, no matter how far you have fallen. Praised is his great name!

2) We learn from this story the POWER of addiction. A person can stare death in the face, he can experience open divine miracles, but an addiction is a disease so powerful that nothing, absolutely NOTHING, can stop it.... And Hashem knew you would fall again, but he wanted you to see the power of addiction so you would finally "Hit Bottom" and admit powerlessness. And at that point you are ready for hashem to take you out of Mitzrayim. Nothing will work unless you give your life over to Hashem through the program of the 12-Steps. As "Kookoo" posted on the forum once: "I don't overcome, Hashem does it for me".

And in another place he wrote:

NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WILL CURE SEXUAL ADDICTION. ONCE AN ADDICT ALLWAYS AN ADDICT. THE ONLY OPTION IS, TO WORK THE TWELVE STEPS OF RECOVERY. A DOCTOR ONCE TOLD ME, "I HAVE TREATED MANY PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELF, NO ONE HAD CONTINUOUS SOBRIETY WITHOUT WORKING THE TWELVE STEPS.

SHOW ME ANYONE WHO IS SEXUALY SOBER FOR; 1 YEAR, 2 YEARS, 5 YEARS, 10 YEARS, 15 & 20 YEARS AND MORE, WITHOUT ANY RELAPS?

ME AND MY FIRENDS HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING, INCLUDING MEDICATION. FOR US NOTHING WORKED. THE TWELVE STEPS IS THE ONLY THING THAT WORKED AND KEEPS ON WORKING AS LONG WE WORK IT.

What you need, dear Yosef Yakov, is a true yetzias Mitzrayim. Hashem himself must take you out of the bondage of Egypt, and he can and he WILL, as long as you learn the tricks. For this, I implore you to find a 12-Step SA group in your area. And please read today's Chizuk e-mail (#450 at the very bottom of this page), I had you in mind as I prepared it.

I want to answer you more, but it is Erev Pesach. Please try to read - if you have time, the Chizuk e-mails (on that page above) starting from #440 and all the way down to #450...

Hashem knew you would fall all these years. He let this happen because he wanted more from you than just "robotic" divine service. He wanted you to give him your heart. And in the process of breaking free you will learn how to have the deepest connection with hashem.

You have come to the right place and we are here for you. Let go and Let Hashem take you out of Mitzrayim. You will yet see even greater miracles than you imagined were possible in your life!

Dear Yosef Yaakov,

Your story is truly amazing!

I cannot get over the story with the airplane.  Hashem must have something very special in-store for you for having saved you in such a miraculous way.

I myself was mechazek myself to a large degree in Torah, Tefilla and Mitzvos and although my addictive behavior was mitigated to some degree, I nevertheless kept falling.

Last night I had to wake up at 4:00AM for a work related matter and was feeling a bit uneasy about a conversation I had with a fellow SA member that must of struck a very deep cord within me.

I have been attending the SA meetings for the past 3 weeks, reading the literature, talking to people etc. etc.  During this time, I have not been the same person.  My head is spinning, I have had difficult concentrating and the stories that I hear every morning seem to replay themselves over again and again in my head.  I had come to SA out of the realization that I could not do it alone, but kept questioning what I had been hearing and reading at SA.

There was a fundamental question that had been bothering me that I could not get out of my head.

Step's 1 through 3 encompass the submission to Hashem, the admission of powerlessness and the turning unconditionally to Hashem as our only savior.

This seemed very easy for me to relate to as a frum jew.  After all, I davened to Hashem every day, I learned Torah, I did mitzvos.  I even felt that I performed my bein adam l'chavero in a suitable manner.  I treated my wife well, I gave my children love and spent time with them.  Step's 1 through 3 seemed like a piece of cake.  I felt as if I had them covered and would promptly move onto steps 4 - 12.

This was the question that I posed to my SA friend.

The answer that I received, however, was not what I had been expecting at all.

My friend told me that he had been struggling with step one for 2 years and it was only through years of painful relapse and almost loosing everything he had in the world (wife, family, yidishkiet) that he came to internalizing step 1.

It was his explanation and my initial misunderstanding of what he had told me that caused me to break down in tears this morning when I arose for my work and again at my morning SA meeting.

Although I do not wish to go into details, my childhood and adult years have not been easy.  Throughout all the hardship and loneliness, however, it has been my self will to rise above my situation that has enabled me to be a practicing frum jew today.

When my friend told me yesterday that a person needed to give up self will and admit powerlessness and essentially let go, I became very scared.  When I woke up this morning, I began thinking to myself how can I give up my self will.  Without self will I would not be standing among the living today.  I would be dead spiritually and would literally have nothing left.  I thought about all the struggles I had in my life.  I thought about going weeks on end without slipping and then falling once again.  I thought about dragging myself out of bed in the morning after a slip to go to shacharis and about how I literally had to force myself to go to beis medrash.  I thought about all the learning that I had done and all the personal growth I felt that I was achieving through my learning and how nonetheless I continued to fall once again.  I broke down in tears at the thought of having to part with my self will.

I went to my SA this morning and literally could not talk without crying.  I presented my personal circumstances to the group and told them I could not give up self will, because if I did I felt like I would die.

Later in the afternoon I spoke to my friend and he explained to me how I was fundamentally mistaken.

--------- will write more soon gtg .... ps: I have a point I am trying to make but the Pesach tasks await

Wow Shomer, what an inspiring and sincere post. But how can you leave us hanging at such a critical part?

I was thinking of you on Pesach... I even told over at the Pesach meal about your sincere struggle and how you are trying so hard to leave Mitzrayim and give up "self-will" but it is SO difficult.

You know, you would enjoy the teachings of the Ba'al Hasulam - a great Kabbalist who lived about 60 years ago and wrote a Perush on the Zohar. If you can get the sefer "Shamati", you'd find it very enlightening... he constantly talks about how all Hashem wants from us is to give up our "Ratzon Lekabel", our self-will, which is the one thing that seperates us from Hashem. And that is the purpose of all the Torah and Miztvos... But he also discusses how it feels like "death" to give it up, and we can only learn to give it up through a fierce desire - a "life and death" desire. And that we can only get from Hashem himself. See Chizuk e-mail #339 on this page for something along these lines...

It's amazing how these goyish addicts are able to understand the deepest secrets of our connection with Hashem, secrets written by the greatest Kabbalists! And how did they merit to understand these deep truths? Because they are completely dependant on Hashem. When someone, ANYONE, knows that without Hashem he is LOST, he will learn the most amazing truths...

And Shomer, you and Boruch are discovering the deepest secrets of existance now... all in the merit of your complete determination to break free of Mitzrayim!

Thanks Shomer and Guard for your chizuk. The fact that I see that I am not the only one with this struggle and with the will to rectify it gives me enormous strength.
As stated by both of you, I think BITUL is most certainly the fundamental step in being victorious.
During Pesach I read (in the book authored by R. Arye Kaplan)  a story most relevant our discussion:

Several years ago a woman came to a chassidic Rebbe for help. " Her only son was desperately ill with leukemia, and it would only be a matter of months before he would succumb. The mother, trembling with fear, spoke to the Rebbe while tears rolled down her cheeks. The Rebbe looked into the mother's eyes and said, " If you know that it was G-d'w will, would you be willing to let your son die? Could you give him up if you knew G-d wanted him?
The poor woman just sat there, looking back at the Rebbe. After a long stuggle with her emotions, she finally replied, "Yes, if I knew that it was G-d's will, then I would be willing to give up the boy."
The Rebbe nodded and said "Now we can pray for the boy".....
I knew the boy. He is a grown man now"

By the way, please upgrade at your convenience. Day 10 and feeling good.

YosefYakov, you're on the chart! Welcome and G-d luck on your journey with us all.

To answer your original questions, yes the phone groups are still happening - I'm not sure of the Pesach schedule. To find out about the free Sunday calls, be in touch with yidvre@gmail.com. To find out about the $10/session Tuesday calls (with a real addiction therapist on the line) be in touch with zcitr@yahoo.com.

Please yosefyakov, keep in mind though what I wrote about the groups above. You sound very determined and I hope to Hashem that this time will be different than all other nights, but promise us here that if you should chas veshalom fall again, you will seek out an SA group in your area to break free of the addiction to LUST once and for all G-d willing. As Rabbi Twerski always says: This disease is a spiritual cancer. If we had cancer, would we not do everything we could to cure ourselves?

Your holy soul is yearning to shine forth. You have much passion and strength inside you, but it has been lead to find expression in the wrong way. We can all learn to redirect all our passions towards Hashem. That is what we are here for and I know you will succeed. Hashem doesn't take down a whole airplane just for everyone 

May Hashem take us all out of Mitzrayim.

Thursday group does not resume until the Thursday after Yom Tov.
Hotline is always available. 901-685-3256
Elya

Dear Yosef Yakov,

Would you consider joining an SA group?

Dear Shomer,

Thanks for your concern. At this point I think I will opt for the telephone groups. Due to my position within the Jewish communnity, a face-to face meeting is something I can not digest. Not because it would affect me but because it could affect my little children. Should I relapse, then I would be willing to drive to a more distant location.  If I could know beforehand that that only non-Jews participate at a certain meeting that would certainly help, but I dont think this is possible 8)

Dear Yosef Yakov,

Sounds like a good plan.  Boruch actually drives out to a distant location as well to protect his anonymity.

If you have any questions feel free to PM me.

B'Hatzlacha!

If I could know beforehand that that only non-Jews participate at a certain meeting that would certainly help, but I dont think this is possible  8)

I believe that Boruch called the SA hotline and got a contact number for a group he was interested in attending.  He spoke to someone from the group that confirmed that there was not another religious jew that had been to that meeting in years.

I hate to sound like a broken record but Rabbi Twerski states that if someone r"l has cancer, what would they not do to recover?  This addiction is a spiritual cancer and we need to be willing to go the distance to rid ourselves of it.

I hope that you will not need an SA groups and that the phone conferences will work for you.

I just wanted to let you know that there are other options if you were to need them.

Be Well!

49 days completed......

AM I DREAMING? :D