Bh had a great shabbos and a great past week. This past week was pretty much a breeze didnt look at anything on the street etc. And  Bh no major urges. I know that its prob a beginners high but that doesnt stop me from davening to hashem "al tavianu lo lidai nisayon" And hope that this coming week will bring the same results! thanks again to my amazing mentors!

Bh great start to week 2. no major urges, and places and times that where triggering and I never stood a chance before, at this moment there not affecting me thanks to accountability and a new mind set. Thank you Hashem. This is the first time in my life that I see the possibility of getting out of this mess. Hoping to only post good news bez"h! Thank you for listening

BH another great day yesterday without any big nisyonas even though I had to go out of the frum area of yerushalyim. Im holding on day 10 and 25 on P. I wouldve thought that the first changes I would start feeling would be in yiddishkeit, learning, davening...but havent felt to much yet. But I have noticed something interesting since I started Im feeling much better about myself as a person and also the way I see others. Things that till now might have irked me a little, I find funny now... I think I finally understand the words of the beditchever that when you see a fault in others, your really looking in a mirror and seeing your own faults. I now understand that the way you feel about yourself affects the way you see others. Just a machshava! thanks

The longer you're clean and removed from seeing yourself in a negative light, the more objective you'll be about your own faults.... it's amazing to see you, how you are revealing more and more of your beautiful self through this precious avoda.... onwards and upwards, Dave!

With a heart overflowing with brotherly love,
Muttel

Reb Dave, You are a true inspiration jumping right in with the perfect attitude, Love it!

KOMT

Hi just an update im on day 28 from P and day 13 from M. Had an interesting past couple days. I went to meron yesterday I was so excited to go while im clean for this long and daven my heart out, but that didnt happen. I was able to get to the kever for a while but no connection happened. I was pretty upset but the music and dancing helped along. then I came home at past 3 in the morning after being out of the house for 14 plus hours. Was extremely exhausted woke up pretty early today and was not feeling good about myself. every women that past me even though Im keeping my eyes down its still enough to make a pit in my stomache. I called HHM and he gave me chizzuk for 20 min. Then I went home and had to rock my baby to sleep in a dark room and THE GATES OPENED I started bawling while rocking my baby to sleep and was able to find the connection I was seeking I davened for myself and all of us here that so badly want to get out of this struggle and IYH bezchus hatanna R Shimon we WILL all see our yeshua!! Hope I can stay strong and report only good news after shabbos!

You never know when the gates open!

I am in yerushalayim for Shabbos in case you would like an in person hug motzai Shabbos. Just shoot me an email.

Wishing you continued success
Vehkam

Dove and Vehkam, Please stop making us all jealous.

But A lichtige Shabbos anyway;)

Bh thanks to my conversation with HHM shabbos was a breeze. Im holding 30 days since ive watched P and 15 days from M. 
Today im feeling under the weather hope it doesnt affect my mood... 

Thank you @Vehkam for meeting me last night. I dont think ive ever met someone as great as you. Someone that was in such a low place and grew through connecting to hashem to the place you are now. It was amazing to hear your perspective on this battle (ive already used some of your tips). I hope that I can follow in your footsteps and use the past to bring me to greater heights.
Thank you!

Thank you for the opportunity and also for helping to facilitate my other meetings through your post. I came back from our meeting with tremendous chizuk with so many ideas reinforced. If only we understood how the footsteps in which we walk were staked out by great tzadikim and kedoshim who struggled before us, it would be so much easier to embrace this journey without the shame and guilt that threaten to sidetrack us.

Wishing you tremendous continued success
Vehkam

Hi just checking in. Im on day 20 from M and 35 from P! The week started I wasnt feeling well was home alone in bed which always was a set up for disaster. But bh thx to my amazing mentors I managed very smoothly.

BUT then came thursday I dont know what caused it but I wasnt feeling great about myself and then for the 1st time in 20 days i let my mind wander  and I didnt try to stop it. The urges that followed were crazy and the only thing that kept me afloat was my mentors accountability. The rest of the night I was fuming at myself that I let that happen. Which obviously didnt help the situation. I cried myself to sleep for the first time in years. Im scared! I know I can do it. I see the success that happens here. I get to speak and meet with these people. But Im scared. all it took yesterday was for me to let down my guard for a minute. And I almost lost everything. 

I woke up this morning feeling worse than the night before. Im feeling confident but just so tired. BH I had  a nice conversation with Muttel (who doesnt sleep) And left feeling much better. I know this will pass but I also know this isnt the last time its gonna happen. SO IM JUST SAD. ITS SO HARDDD! (pretty funny how before thursday I thought it was easy) But the good news is Im here to stay be"h!!!

I hope everything makes sense. Im just venting.

THANK YOU 

I'd highly encourage you to read The Battle of the Generation - he reframes the battle as opportunity for growth and sweet victory, as opposed to difficulties. You may find it helpful...

have a sweet and restful Shabbos,
With a heart overflowing with brotherly love,
Muttel

Just going through your thread. 

Such chizzuk! Your strive and fire for purity is remarkable!

There are and will continue to be bumps along the way, they're opportunities not setbacks. We don't ask for nisyonos, on the contrary, we ask not to have them, but if they come our way, we have a golden opportunity to prove ourselves that we're not stuck in our past and that we moved on from all this garbage. 

Keep the posts coming, you have no idea how much chizzuk it gives your fellow comrades. 

We're in it together, brother! 

With much warmth and admiration,
Yiftach'l

Hi just checking in. Thank you Yiftach! now that you posted on my thread I feel ive completed my lifes mission!
Im BH holding by day 24 from M and day 40 from P. I never thought I would make it this far!! 30 days doesnt seem so far anymore. BE"H first day of shavous will be day 30. Hope I only have good news to share!